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Post by vp4 on Feb 28, 2013 19:04:02 GMT -5
My husband is a cpa and this issue was raised by a client with a dyslexic son that enrolled in a prep school (not special ed) as a result of his disability. After lots of research, my husband advised him that he could not take the deduction for the tuition and room and board, but could deduct the extra $8,000 a year he paid for the study skills tutoring. Of course every case is different, but I tend to agree that vp4's situation does not qualified based on what I have heard, second hand! Since I pay about 8000 for academic support classes in addition to the tuition, I assume I can deduct the 8k, but that condition of 7.5 percent of gross income would make that impossible. I am paying over 50000 and I can't deduct anything? Bummer....
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Post by bros on Feb 28, 2013 19:29:33 GMT -5
My husband is a cpa and this issue was raised by a client with a dyslexic son that enrolled in a prep school (not special ed) as a result of his disability. After lots of research, my husband advised him that he could not take the deduction for the tuition and room and board, but could deduct the extra $8,000 a year he paid for the study skills tutoring. Of course every case is different, but I tend to agree that vp4's situation does not qualified based on what I have heard, second hand! Since I pay about 8000 for academic support classes in addition to the tuition, I assume I can deduct the 8k, but that condition of 7.5 percent of gross income would make that impossible. I am paying over 50000 and I can't deduct anything? Bummer.... Remember, typical medical costs can also be deducted, such as premiums, and driving to and from doctors appointments (24 cents per mile)
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Post by michellea on Mar 18, 2013 16:25:52 GMT -5
Right - you need to speak w your CPA to see if you meet all the requirements on both the state and federal level. And as Bros recommends - you can aggregate all your medical expenses and this might get you over the hump. I know we tried to lump big expenses in one year - dental, neuropsych testing etc to get to the magic number. And mileage does count - I actually think the rate is higher than 24cents - but not sure. I leave the calculations to hubby....
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Post by bros on Mar 18, 2013 16:44:31 GMT -5
Right - you need to speak w your CPA to see if you meet all the requirements on both the state and federal level. And as Bros recommends - you can aggregate all your medical expenses and this might get you over the hump. I know we tried to lump big expenses in one year - dental, neuropsych testing etc to get to the magic number. And mileage does count - I actually think the rate is higher than 24cents - but not sure. I leave the calculations to hubby.... It's 24 cents per mile for medical, according to the IRS
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Post by michellea on Mar 18, 2013 20:06:41 GMT -5
Good thing I'm not doing the tax returns! Bros is right: 56.5 cents per mile for business miles driven. 24 cents per mile driven for medical or moving purposes. 14 cents per mile driven in service of charitable organizations.
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Post by vp4 on Apr 5, 2013 7:08:00 GMT -5
Things are looking up a bit nowadays. My son actually picks up the phone when I call. He is more open to conversation than before. He still is unmotivated by anything other than youtube or video games. That still worries me but I am hoping he will mature soon.
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Post by healthy11 on Apr 5, 2013 8:10:14 GMT -5
As difficult as it is, you'll need continued patience. An NIH (National Institute of Health) study shows young women reach full maturity, in terms of brain development, between 21 and 22 years of age. A young man does not reach full maturity, in terms of brain development, until nearly 30 years of age. www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Boys_Girls/ discusses gender differences in the sequence of brain development.
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Post by vp4 on Apr 5, 2013 9:38:35 GMT -5
I deny that it took me 30 years to mature. ;D Seriously, I think of my son as a 15 year old with a 12 year old mind. For instance, he just got a DSLR camera as birthday gift from his mom. He is very interested in Photography. I recommended that he take a class on a Saturday for 3 hours which will help him understand the technology better so he can pursue his hobby to its fullest extent. His response was "No, I know everything." Sigh....
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Post by dihicks6 on Apr 5, 2013 11:15:59 GMT -5
Of course, they know EVERYTHING, and you know NOTHING ha ha! Wait for another 7-8 years and see how much he acknowledges that YOU'VE learned!!!!
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Post by healthy11 on Apr 5, 2013 11:16:54 GMT -5
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Post by empeg1 on Apr 5, 2013 19:15:19 GMT -5
There once was a teenage boy who thought his father was the stupidest individual in the world. This young man, at 25 years of age, could not believe how much smarter his father had grown!!! The above joke is long standing and oh so true. Teens have little experience of life and may not have been throughly humbled as of yet by life. They know just enough to feel cocky. And, your son has Aspergers? If he does, then black and white thinking; i.e., "I know everything" will likely be even more of an issue for him. My advice. Breathe.....
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Post by beth on Apr 5, 2013 20:12:34 GMT -5
vp4-I met my husband when we both were 20--the same age of my middle son. I can guarantee you I would never have dated him if he was as mature as my son!!! So not all men take forever to grow up. But for those of us with very immature sons, myself included, there is some comfort in the idea that our sons may not always act the way they do now!
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Post by vp4 on Apr 6, 2013 22:28:34 GMT -5
I am leaving him alone when he says that. I could enroll him in the class anyways but that would make the know-it-all even more mad. Actually we are doing much better now. I had the most pleasant dinner with him on Friday. He was communicative, easy to be around. Till I asked why he was picking up trash on Sunday for community service? He said "it helps get into college." I said he should do it because he wants to help others. Then the eye roll started. I persisted a bit more and suggested that he find ways to use his love for photography in his community service. More rolling the eyes. Left him alone after that. He was back to being pleasant once I dropped it. He refuses to engage in any conversation about future, other than telling me what his cousins told him about colleges. A teen thinking other teens know better. He did say I am going to have to pay all college costs and his mother won't because she has no money. He has so much to learn.....I just wonder what he can achieve with a bit more maturity.
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Post by healthy11 on Apr 7, 2013 9:20:46 GMT -5
"A teen thinking other teens know better."
Again, while it's frustrating to you, that's really quite typical, and I'm confident that your son will eventually mature. It's a long, ongoing process, requiring much parental patience. Hang in there!
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Post by beth on Apr 7, 2013 13:10:01 GMT -5
He is thinking about the future--his comment about doing community service to get into college tells you that. And lots of people do community service because of perceived rewards that have nothing about doing good. My kids have had to do community service for school as do most kids in our area. I still think it is a good thing.
And kids do learn a lot from others who have been in the same spot.
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Post by vp4 on Apr 8, 2013 12:29:06 GMT -5
Just when things are looking up between him and I, there is a new development. His mom and I have decided to divorce. We are going to work with a mediator to settle. I don't know what the outcome would be. But I have a new worry that he will be crushed and will pick one parent, most likely me, to blame for this. How do I explain the reasons to this kid without going into great detail? He is fully aware that things are very bad between his mom and I.
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Post by dihicks6 on Apr 8, 2013 13:11:48 GMT -5
Tough age to handle a divorce. I can tell you, though, that even though there will be issues to work through, a calm, non-stressful relationship with each parent is far better than living in a house full of tension. Don't kid yourself -- he has known for quite awhile that things are not good.
I would tell him only in general terms why the decision was made. Even if your wife is more specific (which you won't know right away), never, ever say anything negative/bad about her. My first husband was awful (I won't go into details), and left when my son was 2.5 yrs. old and my dd was 5 mos. old. I had plenty of ammunition if I wanted it, but chose not to do that because I knew that, unfortunately, they would find out on their own. They did. They only saw him once after he left until his funeral 30 yrs. later.
Try as hard as possible to keep it amicable.
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Post by vp4 on Apr 8, 2013 15:43:48 GMT -5
You are correct. He has known this for years. He understands why he goes on vacations with me and his mom separately. He is a mom's boy completely. That is mainly because he gets to do whatever he wants with her and I am more strict and have clear expectations of what I want him to do. It had been extremely hard to keep quiet in the face of incessant bad mouthing from her to anyone who listens, many times in his presence. I had warned her many times to not say anything negative about me to him or in his presence. It didn't work. I am quite calm and actually relieved about this from my side. But I am very concerned about my son's reaction. How to tell him, when to tell him, etc. We are looking for a mediator now. I don't know if that will work. I am going to seek primary custody as it is clear to me I am the only one who truly is investing in his future. That could be a sticking point. I may not be able to send him to private school either next year. The feedback from teachers this week about my son is glowing. He is doing very well and has 3.9 GPA. I hate to think of what will happen if I can't pay for the school myself next year. I don't ever want to deal with public schools, IEPs again.
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Post by dihicks6 on Apr 8, 2013 16:00:02 GMT -5
Maybe you and your wife can agree on the direction his education should take? It would/might be a good starting point to show your son that there is agreement on some things? If you can't afford it on your own, ask her to help. You both, I'm sure, want the best for him and it might be easier to agree on this than you think. That's from a Mom's point of view, LOL....
As far as seeking primary custody, please think long and hard about that. Your son has his own relationship with his mom and he may view that action as trying to keep control of both of them and he is old enough for the court to consider what he wants.
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Post by vp4 on Apr 8, 2013 16:21:20 GMT -5
Ask her for help? I had done that dozens of times. She refuses to because she has credit card debt due to excessive shopping. I had been paying and financing the current year school tuition. It has to be part of the settlement that she pays half. My son is now telling me I have to pay for his education since his mom doesn't have money. She has a near six figure income. He is obviously hearing from her.
When I said I want primary custody, I meant more in terms of who will make decisions for his future till he is old enough. I would readily agree with him spending equal time with both of us. I just want to be able to make decisions for his future since I had been the one doing what he needed. If I had listened to her, he never would have been tested in 3rd grade. He would be many grades behind now instead of being one of the top students. I can't leave her to have decision making power. Perhaps I don't understand the concept of primary custody. If court considers what he wants, she will own him like a piece of property.
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Post by bros on Apr 8, 2013 16:44:49 GMT -5
Ask her for help? I had done that dozens of times. She refuses to because she has credit card debt due to excessive shopping. I had been paying and financing the current year school tuition. It has to be part of the settlement that she pays half. My son is now telling me I have to pay for his education since his mom doesn't have money. She has a near six figure income. He is obviously hearing from her. When I said I want primary custody, I meant more in terms of who will make decisions for his future till he is old enough. I would readily agree with him spending equal time with both of us. I just want to be able to make decisions for his future since I had been the one doing what he needed. If I had listened to her, he never would have been tested in 3rd grade. He would be many grades behind now instead of being one of the top students. I can't leave her to have decision making power. Perhaps I don't understand the concept of primary custody. If court considers what he wants, she will own him like a piece of property. So you want educational custodialship?
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Post by vp4 on Apr 8, 2013 16:54:12 GMT -5
So you want educational custodialship? No. Primary legal and physical custody, even though he can spend equal time living with both of us when he is not in the dorm.
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Post by dihicks6 on Apr 8, 2013 19:08:24 GMT -5
Even primary custody (if you can get it, which may be doubtful), won't eliminate her from the decision-making process. If you don't mind me being blunt, your wife may take this opportunity to get in writing exactly what her rights regarding your son are. It's very difficult (and messy) to prove that one parent is not entitled to joint custody, unless there is substantial documentation otherwise. Might be better served by trying to work with her. She will realize that now she will have to pay for half (or a portion of) your son's tuition. Not sure how NJ works regarding joint financial debts, but it may turn out that the court will consider both spouses' debts as a joint liability. Best to talk over with your attorney. My point is that now she will probably not be able to avoid paying for some of your son's educational expenses, but again, it's best to try and work it out together, otherwise the attorneys make tons of money and no one is happy.
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Post by kewpie on Apr 10, 2013 9:00:42 GMT -5
Di makes a good point. Can you ask for joint custody BUT include your stipilation requests? It sounds less hostile. In many states both partners are laible for ALL debts even if one spouse was spending without the other consent.
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Post by vp4 on Jun 7, 2013 14:38:20 GMT -5
The school year is over. He did well. GPA of 3.9. Starting next week, he is taking 2 online classes in Algebra2 and Biology in Summer. His mom's idea. He was pushing back when I said one class in Summer school. Attitude is getting worse. Won't respond to phone calls and texts most of the time while he is home and I am at work. Ugh. There seems to be more of attitude regression than regression of what he learned in school.
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Post by healthy11 on Jun 7, 2013 16:12:01 GMT -5
It sounds like progress to me, if his mother said take 2 summer classes, while you were getting pushback even from suggesting one course. Overall, with a 3.9 GPA, it sounds like he's going to be fine, even if his "attitude" leaves a lot to be desired. Remember, he is a teen; eventually he will grow up, although it may not be quite as fast as you'd like! Hang in there!
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Post by michellea on Jun 8, 2013 8:28:46 GMT -5
Hang in there. Sounds like there is a lot to celebrate in some areas - take it and run with it for now. Summer transition can be difficult for all, and it may take time to develop an acceptable routine and attitude. I know my kids need a lot of space - even my son who is very flexible and "easy". Perhaps the non-responsiveness is actually communication that he needs space. I know it is for my kids.
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Post by fc11 on Jun 9, 2013 16:54:06 GMT -5
The school year is over. He did well. GPA of 3.9. Starting next week, he is taking 2 online classes in Algebra2 and Biology in Summer. . vp4, where did your son register for his online classes? My experience working with my daughter last year was that I needed to teach her in order for her to benefit from the course... The online course was just to let me have the curriculum and know where the focus was... I think most of the kids who did the online course were for credit recovery.
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Post by vp4 on Jun 13, 2013 10:01:23 GMT -5
FLVS. My son isn't doing it for credit recovery but to accelerate the curriculum a little so he can take tougher classes starting next year.
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Post by vp4 on Jun 13, 2013 10:11:42 GMT -5
healthy/michellea, you are correct. I have to hang in there. Just came back from 5 days vacation with the just two of us and it was OK. I still get a lot of "I know" while I am trying to tell him something before I even finish the sentence. Forgot to take his watch from hotel despite my reminding him to ensure he double check everything before we left. I wa furious at the carelessness and told him that if knows everything, he should know to take his watch too. My typical reaction would have been to yell for a minute but I didn't do it and instead told him indirectly he isn't that great as he thinks. He seems to be getting a little cocky with his academic success too. I told him he needs to work doubly hard in 10th grade to keep the GPA. Before I finished the sentence, "I know." Typical teenager.
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