where to get help?

[fc11]

As I posted in a different thread..I am really depressed...I know my children need me hence I keep going as much as I can..but there were times when I saw their responses, I wanted to throw up, my heart was beating fast, I felt dizzy.

I don't have too much confidence talking to a psychologist... imagine our school psych who has a Ph.D. and a private practice, but day dreamed in most of the meetings...I have diabetes, high blood pressure, gained a lot of weight after I began asking questions about my daughter's education.

I talked to my doctor and she reminded me that I should calm down, do exercise ..it is easy to say..my mother died of a heart attack she was not even obesed.. I am afraid that even I can go through this emotionally, I am afraid I can't beat this physically. Talking to a doctor won't help me, as she cannot help me with education issue, talking to my attorney won't help because he cares less about my physical condition...

[bros]

I suggest you find a psychologist whom you trust.

Finding one affiliated with St. Barnabas Medical Center (I believe you are up near there?) would be a good place to start - they have excellent psychologists affiliated with them. You can find a psychologist or LCSW or LPC affiliated with St. Barnabas by calling 800-300-0628.

Psychologists & Therapists are much different from School Psychologists. They must undergo much more rigorous training that is longer than that of School Psychs.

You need to talk to someone to get help to carry the heavy burden you hold. You need to talk to someone sooner rather than later. I personally see a therapist in Neptune and he is great for my mental health.

[fc11]

bros,
thanks. I may give St. Barnabas a call...I am just not sure...I saw a psychiatrist and then a psychologist about 20 years ago.I eventually lost trust in both..

I know it was the SD's games and I doubt there is anything that they can help...My doctor already reminded me that I should stay healthy for my kids in particular I am high risk, but I just feel that my health is getting worse and worse...

[beth]

You seem to like your doctor. I would call her and ask her for a recommendation.

Talking to someone doesn't change what is going on but it really can help you cope. I have had difficult situations with two of my three kids and talking to a psychologist did make me feel better.

[bros]

Aug 8, 2013 2:27:41 GMT -5 fc11 said:

bros,
thanks. I may give St. Barnabas a call...I am just not sure...I saw a psychiatrist and then a psychologist about 20 years ago.I eventually lost trust in both..

I know it was the SD's games and I doubt there is anything that they can help...My doctor already reminded me that I should stay healthy for my kids in particular I am high risk, but I just feel that my health is getting worse and worse...

Mental Health has progressed a lot in 20 years.

Perhaps you would trust someone more if they cannot prescribe medication?

[fc11]

I had a problem with the psychiatrist because she didn't think twice in giving me prozac...she closed down her practice shortly after I left her. I am not sure why, she certainly was not at retirement age. My psychologist meant well, but she was in solo practice and probably not keeping herself updated. There were times I was more miserable when I left her office.

I finally told my attorney and will be meeting him in a few weeks...it is getting very difficult for me, I felt suffocated, hence I am asking for help.....but I know there is not much that anyone can do...I doubt my attorney can help

[bros]

Okay. So find a psychologist, or LCSW, or LPC to see. Try to find one around your age and google them, see if they are a "name"

[empeg1]

FC11: I am going to speak to you as a parent who also has a daughter with disabilities and as a parent of my other daughter, who, like yours, I adopted from China.

I know what it is like to be a mother who is worried about a child. My oldest had much more severe difficulties than what you are describing for your girl. I too was very anxious. I hear anxiety in what your words. Please remember also that depression often affects one'e thinking as well.

If you are depressed, I suggest strongly that you meet with a psychiatrist. Medication is a good option to look at seriously with depression, which does involve a neuro-chemical imbalance. Do not automatically reject the use of medication (and there are more choices than 20 years ago). Then look for a therapist who has experience working with teens and adults. I say this as this type of person will have experience with the schools (and who can then get your frustration better). Don't wait!

As for the SD, be blunt with your attorney. Ask up front, what chance is there in prevailing in my due process complaint? You want a specific answer. If in all likelihood you will not prevail, stop the fight now. It is not worth your mental health and physical well-being to continue a fight that you will not win. Who needs such headaches? It is best now to determine what the outcome will be and act on that basis. Be pointed in talking to your attorney.

Your daughter.....There is more than one path to success and a happy adult life. A cousin of mine flunked out of college her freshman year. She then started as a volunteer in a research program at UCLA taking care of some of the animals. She did a good job. The lab hired her, full time. They then trained her in the operation of a heart lung pump and other procedures. She was working with folks who has no less than a master's degree, making very good money, in a job she loved, where she was well respected, and without a college degree, at a well known institution, UCLA. My cousin just was not academically oriented but she was a great hands on learner.

That and not every young person must travel the same path at the same speed. My daughter in college has a friend who worked for two years before starting college. Your daughter may be someone who matures later. Not everyone develops the ability to think abstractly at the same time. This young person did not do well in high school, but he did very well his first year in college. And, he learned a lot about the real world working for two years. He worked retail.

From your previous posts I thought that you are struggling to be able to see other options for your daughter than the mainstream path- a 4-year college. Try to see that she does have other choices. Also know, that success is school is not the only part of a well functioning person. I still think that your best option in helping your daughter is not to send her to a private school that caters to foreign students. Small classes do not mean excellence. And, in a school with mostly international students, your daughter, especially as a day student with most students boarding, is not the best environment to make friends. I have marked concerns about the above choice.

Instead hire a private LD specialist to work with your daughter twice a week after school. Do not hire a tutor! There is a world of difference between a LD specialist and a tutor. I did this with my oldest daughter and she learned Algebra and Geometry with this individual, all of it, despite receiving inadequate instruction at school and not receiving competent help from special ed at school. The private specialist was enough by himself and worth every penny I spent on him. Know also that you can get an accommodation for reduced homework, so that your daughter will not have to focus on homework with the private specialist. You do not want this person to be a homework helper but her teacher. For the price of that private school get your daughter 1:1 instruction with a specialist whom you pay and with whom you have trust. Then make sure your daughter has time to pursue non-school activities for her interests only.

BTW, my daughter from China also has difficulty with gestalt and abstract reasoning. She struggles with the above in college. And, she is developing into a lovely, mature young woman. She did not start college until she was 19 years of age. She needed the extra time. And, if she could not have gone to college, I would have been more than okay with a vocational college program. In fact, I would love to have my oldest pursue that track.

[dwolen]

A parenting support group might be helpful. Perhaps there is a CHADD chapter near you that could point you to a support group.
I was part of a parent support group that met monthly from my dd's age of 1.5 years to 23! We would still be meeting except I ran out of parenting things to talk about, fortunately. Though CHADD focuses on ADHD, many parents have kids with other learning issues. Joining CHADD was the first step I took in really getting a handle on my dd's learning issues back in 2009, when she was 21 years old.

The process of getting psychological help can be painful at first, and then intermittently. Talking about a painful issue with a psychotherapist brings the issues to the surface, raising emotional pain. I have had the experience of feeling worse after speaking with my psychiatrist, at least for a while. But he always gives me homework to do between visits, which is goal directed toward improving my mental health, coping and remaining in remission. I see my psychiatrist every three months now, and I could see him more often if I need to. I see a psychiatrist who is a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT). Although he does use medications with patients, I have never been medicated, and the focus of our appts is psychotherapy. Nowadays, he is unusual, as most psychiatrists no longer do psychotherapy but rather send their patients to LCSW's or psychologists who do psychotherapy.

However, I am not anti-medications. If I needed psychiaitric medications, I would take the, however. It can take a while to find the right medications, a process of trial and error. In my own medical practice, I have seen many patients make much positive progress in their coping when they find the right combination of psychiatric medications, along with psychological help.

[fc11]

I am going to check with my doctor next week...I even considered calling a hotline for help at the time when I posted this thread...I was just scared..and I knew I needed help... One day.... I am going to summarize it....may be I should begin writing a blog, it was what I learned 20 years ago, at the time, not as a blog but to write down my feelings.

empeg1,
Yes, in some aspects, my attorney said I have a chance... here is this... they gave me the identical (or near identical) IEPs for two years... they said on record that they couldn't put her in the higher level class because of the class size. Two years ago, they asked us to file for DP even the teachers agreed that the IEP needed to be rewritten, we settled a year later, then they gave me the same IEP last year...it will never change...hence one of the reasons I initially planned to place her OOD.

[empeg1]

FC11, Here is my question. What do you hope to gain from the DP? Think of economics and a cost-benefit analysis. Will you get funding for an out of district placement. The SD will certainly not fund a private boarding school, when that school is just a regular private school, not a special education school ( nor will an administrative hearing officer order the above). Is there a LD private school you have in mind that you want funded. I will be honest. To go to DP, with all the stress involved in the above and the effect on your health plus attorney fees, it is not worth what is happening just to get a different IEP. I have worked in public schools for quite a few years. What is written on the IEP is often not the issue; it is whether or not the SD had the intent or even the expertise to work effectively with your daughter. The above you cannot obtain through a hearing.

I went to DP with my oldest DD and her SD. At stake for this DP was payment for a residential treatment program, $120,000 a year, which I simply could not afford without the district and county mental health funding. The above is when DP becomes viable.

I absolutely would not pursue DP just for a new IEP. Best to channel your energy. Forget that you are correct. And, hire a private learning specialist to work with your daughter, twice a week. This will still be cheaper than a private school. That is unless there is a good LD school in the area, then you continue with DP, as the cost of the school will be prohibitive. Again think of a cost benefit analysis: DP cost, attorney fees if you lose, your mental health at stake, you could lose. DP gain: a new IEP and still a good chance of your daughter's needs not being met.

BTW, your attorney said you still have a chance? That does not sound like the most ethical attorney. There are some lawyers who are in it just for the bucks. I suggest strongly that you look that attorney in the face and ask, what kind of chance? Give me your professional, ethical opinion, put a percentage on the change I have of prevailing at DP? The attorney who took my daughter's case told me, I only take a case if I am SURE I can win. The parents whom I represent just do not have the money to waste on legal fees when they do not have a strong case. He is true to his word, btw; I know parents whom he turned down, saying their cases were not strong enough. They found other attorneys to represent them and they lost at DP. I won in mediation within 2 months!

[michellea]

FC11 -
Please consider what empeg says - she is spot on when she says that you need to consider the cost benefit of DP, whether or not you have a strong case, and what kind of placement you want for your daughter (I have heard you say numerous times that you do not like the LD schools...... ).

As you found out from experience, winning an updated IEP is not really a "win". Empeg says, " What is written on the IEP is often not the issue; it is whether or not the SD had the intent or even the expertise to work effectively with your daughter. The above you cannot obtain through a hearing." She is absolutely correct. I have seen students with crappy IEPs that receive outstanding services, because the TEAM is willing and able to provide good teaching and resources. In contrast, I have secured beautifully written IEPs that yield nothing as far as services - because the district is unable or unwilling to deliver on the IEP other than going through the motions.

Constant fighting is debilitating and expensive.

Maybe a shift in your approach will be better for you and your daughter?

[beth]

I had a school that was a train wreck for my son. When he did not learn to read in first grade despite being in special ed (he was placed in special ed as a preschooler with a disability for speech in a different school district), I asked what other program they could use with him. I was told that the problem was my husband and I who both have PhDs had unrealistic expectations. I was so mad but did not say a word. I vowed to take matters into my own hands.

I decided against due process and used the money instead directly to hire people to remediate my son's deficiencies. Honestly, I could not take the stress, although I think I could have won.

It worked for my son and our family. My son is starting his second year in college and has over a 3.5 GPA at the most competitive school in our state. He got in through the disabilities office--he had the grades, and activities (was an Eagle scout, played two varsity sports) but not the test scores. He has only carried 13 hours each semester which is where we do still see the effect of his learning disabilities. He reads slower and has to study more than other students. But this is a child who we were told would not graduate from high school with a regular diploma.

In the end, I am glad they were so incompetent. I think my son required intensive intervention that even really good schools would have had a hard time providing. But they were so bad, that I felt forced to look for alternatives.

So I just want to say that not doing due process can be a really good option that in the end is not compromising at all. Yes, we paid for a lot of things the schools should have provided but the trade off was I got to control everything. I chose who worked with my son and did not have to negotiate with the schools. After a new principal managed to remove the LD teacher and actually hire some good, he did get some great help. But I of course did not know that would happen when we made the decision to deal with his issues privately. And this was three years after I was told that the problem was not their teaching but our unrealistic expectations.

[kewpie]

>Is there a LD private school you have in mind that you want funded. I will be honest. To go to DP, with all the stress involved in the above and the effect on your health plus attorney fees, it is not worth what is happening just to get a different IEP. I have worked in public schools for quite a few years. What is written on the IEP is often not the issue; it is whether or not the SD had the intent or even the expertise to work effectively with your daughter<

Empeg is absolutely right. I would never go to due process unless it was for a private LD school. That is why I asked about landmark, compared to what you have seen in your area, this seems to be a solution and this is what you should be asking for from the judge. Even if you get a good IEP, those people would not be able to implement it anyway. thay don't want to and they probably don't know how or they would have done a better job with your dd.

If you haven't already contact CHADD or your local PTI (Parent and Training Information Center) is a great way to meet other parents who understand and can sympathize with your plight. If I did not get in touch with my local PTI, I would never have made it thru all the litigation crap. I developed a whole circle of friends, we can support each other and keep in touch. I have been mentored and have mentored others. It keeps me sane.

[fc11]

Thank you for all the support....I have read the suggestions but it "hurts" even to respond....

If you were to look into my earlier posts, I never suggested anyone to do to DP...but I felt that they left me no choice....

They gave me identical IEP years after years for 4 years. After I found this site, I learned to ask for IEE and they finally gave DD a new IEP with everyone in the meeting. I was happy for a short time as they began to be honest to describe her difficulties which I thought was very important, if they didn't recognize (or just lie about) her needs, they won't be addressing them.... I knew all too well that they are incompetent, I only asked for honesty...At the time, I prepared to get a job and paid for the services that DD needed, I sent her to LMB, I paid for the FFW. I saw the improvement and I was happy... They used a very incorrect tool to monitor progress, therefore, when one of the teachers confirmed the tool was not an accurate measurement, I asked the tool be "revised", hence they needed to revise the IEP, then the sped teacher decided to delete most of the goals...the sped teacher said that she did I filed a complaint, but lost because they lied and the investigator was inexperience...

then came annual review meeting, the same sped teacher removed the goals some more and she was left with one goal...no matter what I said, they would say no, I asked about the deficits in the goals that they deleted, the sped teacher outright told me that DD had no issue...until the regular ed teacher came in and she agreed that the goals should be rewritten, they claimed they would rewrite it in the fall... I could see the cycle of meetings with no results repeated... then the sped head told me to file for DP as I received their "IEP"...

I did. Eventually we settled.

Last summer, I was happy that it was finally settled, hence I began to educate my kid, sent her to LMB, prepare her Science class using summer school etc...we worked very hard... then at the end of summer, they gave me back to same IEP that I had rejected and placed her in the lowest level Science class...and told me to file for DP if I did not agree. I did..
I asked them to provide me material, let me know what they taught, ahead of time so that I or her tutor could help her, they refused. Without knowing what she would learn, we would be in a catching up game again, our time would be spent in helping with homework.

I finally decided to place her in private school and walk away from this... then they filed a counter claim against me...and it was the reason I was so distraught and created this post... at the time, I even considered calling suicide hotline...as I knew I desperately needed help. ( I will always remember my kids need me and won't do anything stupid)....I just don't seem to get a break from them...every time when I wanted to walk away from them...

At this point, I am seriously consider sending her to a LD private school if I have confidence with the LD school.

[kewpie]

>then they filed a counter claim against me...and it was the reason I was so distraught and created this post... at the time,<

I am guessing they must have a really aggressive attorney who wants to churn up some fees.

I have had my district file due process against me too. They (or their wise ass attorney consultant) were on a rampage and they also filed agaianst another parent to who I had recently met at the local PTI. I agree its extremely devastating and it really incites a lot of personal anger and depair from the inside. Remember, they ARE trying to indimidate you..don't let them.

In fact, we ended up hiring the same lawyer who got the other parent a settlement and won my case for me.
You have a couple of choices.

1. You can send a letter saying you are invoking your parent privelege to demit her from an IEP/special education. They HAVE to leave you alone. Prior to IDEA2004, schools could overide parents and inssit they provide services/IEP even if the parent did not want them. Then go ahead and pay privately.

or

2) You can go to due process and demand a private LD school and all the related services like transportation, speech therapy etc...

In the end I was glad I went to due process BUT before we came to our eventual "happily ever after settlement", they filed against me AGAIN. In fact, they were filed due process AGAIN to put my ds back in the SAME placement the hearing officer had ruled was inappropriate. Fortunately another administrator was hired and (I am guessing here) looked at the amount of money that had been spent on may case and wisely decided to settle. It is cheaper to just spend the money on the kid than to pay for the kids expenses AND attorneys fees for both sides. This is true especially if the parent is willing to compromise, and for example, give up payment for transportation.

Hang in there and do the best you can. Remember, you only get one chance to raise your child!

[empeg1]

FC11, it seems that the situation is so fraught with stress, I was simply suggesting that you 1) eyeball your attorney and point blank ask, how much of a chance do I have to prevail for the district to pay for a private, LD school placement? I would not go to DP over an IEP!!! It is just way way too much aggravation and it seems from what you have written this SD will not or cannot serve your dd. So..... if you have at least a 75% chance of prevailing in getting your SD to pay for a private LD school, go for it.
2) Otherwise, re-think, what is your bottom line? It is your dd. Can you pay for a private learning specialist, NOT a tutor to work with your dd? If you can, do so. You will get your bang for your bucks that way and your dd will receive individualized assistance fine tuned to her specific needs and strengths. Forget what should happen. Remember your bottom line. Then just keep her in public school and forget what the district is doing.

Why is the SD filing against you? What is the SD stating?

Kewpie, Fc11 has an attorney. I think she cannot just simply continue to pursue DP unless she knows she has a strong case. Not everyone prevails and the stress is having such a negative effect on her (and most likely her dd). Again, think cost- benefit in deciding whether to continue to with legal action or not.

[michellea]

Hi Fc11 -

Can you remind us again what year your daughter is in HS (I think Junior?) and what you are asking for in your DP case?

I am concerned as the others are that going through DP is you are not asking for an out of district placement in a LD school, could be unproductive. AND if you do not have a good case and a high probability of winning, it will be costly and emotionally draining with long term negative results for you and your daughter emotionally and in your ability to work with the district.

It is important that you are clear in what you are seeking and that it is worth while from an emotional and financial perspective. You have mentioned on numerous posts that outside evaluators have recommended LD schools but you have also stated that you do not like any of them. I am wondering what is your current position and if your daughter feels the same as you. I also wonder if your case is clearly targeted to your goals and objectives regarding your daughters services and placement.

[fc11]

A short note.... as I am preparing a response for my attorney to respond to them..
a. we feel that we have a good chance on some issues... they gave me an IEP two years ago that they agreed it was not appropriate, then asked us to file a complaint. I did. We settled.
b. they gave us the same IEP last year...but my fight with them was initially based on the placement of a lower level course, but we have to fight what we have, independent of the placement, we filed for the appropriateness of the IEP...During the discussion with the previous ALJ, even she agreed that we should go to hearing or OOD..they had been giving me the same IEP year after year, and when they finally changed, they deleted the goals and giving me identical IEP again...I knew I don't want to waste my time to fight for an IEP, but they gave me no choice.. I asked them for "material" i.e. let me know ahead of time what they would teach, they refused. Therefore, I would be spending my time and money for tutor to help her with homework, but not reinforcing the skills.
c. They obviously did not want to fight with us on the IEP, hence their complaint is that as I did not fight for related services (I am not going to argue whether 2 times a week is more appropriate than 1 time a week), hence they claimed we agreed that the child is receiving FAPE..and asked the court to decide based on that...I think their claimed is weak, but they asked for the ALJ who basically would repeat what they say...(more to that later)
d. Given the fact that they filed, I couldn't withdraw even if I don't want to fight, otherwise, the court will decide for them.
e. DD is going to 10th grade, I just didn't have the time to fight them while not helping DD.
f. I seriously considered all your suggestions, one reason for the LD school was that she needs to learn from school and I be her mom again.
g. I visited two schools yesterday, and there are issues I still have to look into in addition to financial...one is as expensive as Landmark but it is larger near 200 students... the second is smaller 30 students for 9 - 12, a few thousands cheaper...I feel the problem with smaller school is that there is only one course for per grade, hence I will have to give up the content knowledge in some areas where she can excel...

[kewpie]

A reminder, if you do decide to pay privately, you should be able to deduct the cost of an LD school tution and related expenses.
You have 3 years left, so a cost /benefits analysis is definitely in order.

Empeg, misinterpeted my message. I gave two choices, not 1. Only you can make that decision.

I was not encouraging you to go due process, only that if you do and you have a good case, you may be able to settle without going that far. However if you do, having gone thru that..it makes everything else pale in comparison and you can come out a much stronger person. But it does sound like you have a very good case.

[fc11]

During my previous settlement, they offered OOD, but I was not interested. I still have reservation with sped school and I don't know the long term impact to DD. I have no concern that she will graduate HS with a decent grade as they will make sure she pass by handing out the grades like candies, but the question is whether she has the skills to be independent in college, I believe she will not.

I think we have a good case for our current complaint but it depends on the ALJ, when we argue for placement, his mindset was on the placement of Autistic child as "it was what usually these kinds of cases were about", he believed that the goals support the services.. and the sd's attorney was fast in catching on that and reiterated if there were no problem with services, there wouldn't be problem with the goals..hence this is what they are fight now..don't we know that it was the services support the goal?

[hsmom]

FC11,

I must say I am a little confused as to which school you and more importantly which school your daughter wants to attend for the remaining three years of high school, the public school she currently attends, a non-ld private school, or an ld-private school. Also, you seem to be concerned about the impact of attending an ld school on your daughter. My experience with many boys over the past five years that my son has attended a private ld school is that they find themselves for the first time in an environment where their learning differences do not make them different and where they can truly learn using their strengths and not their weaknesses. For the most part, they can relax and learn for the first time in their lives and are grateful for the opportunity.

Most private ld high schools prepare their students to be independent learners and teach them to advocate for themselves. This is part of their curriculum. The schools want their students to succeed at whatever college they attend.

[kewpie]

>past five years that my son has attended a private ld school is that they find themselves for the first time in an environment where their learning differences do not make them different and where they can truly learn using their strengths and not their weaknesses. For the most part, they can relax and learn for the first time in their lives and are grateful for the opportunity.<

Amen. So true. What they may lack in facilities, they make up for providing a safe and nurturing environment, when a child can feel competant and just challeneged enough. If a child excels, they let him excel. My son who could barely do math (or let alone remember a math fact)in regular school, went thru 2 complete math books in one year and caught up 5 grade levels within a year.

[michellea]

I wholeheartedly second what hsmom says
>past five years that my son has attended a private ld school is that they find themselves for the first time in an environment where their learning differences do not make them different and where they can truly learn using their strengths and not their weaknesses. For the most part, they can relax and learn for the first time in their lives and are grateful for the opportunity.<
I saw this first hand with my son and with my clients that have moved to LD schools.

[dwolen]

My dd did not get into LD services until she attended an LD college, Landmark College. Before she went to Landmark College, she was a college drop out washing dishes and having a hard time doing that (she said her boss thought she was not fast enough.)
She had already had 2 yours of college, but struggled mightily during that time and fell flat on her face during the 4th semester. At Landmark, first she was enthusiastic about the academic environment but hated the whole need for being there, during 5 week summer term she made a 180%turn in her life, and spent the rest of the academic term, fall and spring semesters there, and graduated with an AA with a 3.9 GPA. It was the first time she was ever academically successful. As with HS's son and his friends, she was finally in a place where the extremely sensitive and knowledgeable Landmark staff understood her and knew how to teacher her how to learn. Attending Landmark College was life changing in the most positive ways possible. And, nearly as importantly, she understands her LD's, accepts them, has incorporated having these issues as part of her identity but that she has to cope with, but only a part. She does not feel an internalized stigma anymore. The experience of success was the most important thing she gained, in my opinion; but understanding her LD's and learning coping skills was really important, too.

A long way to say, LD schools are not a special education resource room where students are "parked" to get them out of the regular calssroom because they take so much of the teacher's time.

[fc11]

thank you all. I have been much better... I always consider myself as a fighter...
For the longest time, I have avoided thinking of LD school...an incorrect assumption of how LD school works on my part... I believed some of you even warned me I was in denial....
I know it may sound offensive due to my ignorance... I always thought of the LD schools are for autistic kids and DD is not autistic, in fact, most of her scores were average (low average, say 25%), I felt in certain areas she can be independent and learn the same amount of material as her peers...her major problem is slow in processing, hence slower in understanding what was taught, as such, she missed out a lot of learning opportunities, therefore many (life) lessons that other kids learned, she didn't get the chance to learn..
I watched the video in one of the schools I visited, I saw they taught the students using OG, very basic Math, I was scared, because it was not what DD needs.

I have only talked to the administators, but my questions for you, does it fit into the learning profile of a LD school?
Please help me to confirm....

I visited two LD schools this week, I was quite impressed with the Director of admissions, when I explained DD's challenges, she could correctly (as if taken from my neuropsych report) what DD needs. Because the school has 180 students from 9-12, it means that there are different levels for each subject. She indicated that chances are DD will be in the highest level of each course. The class size is around 6 and anything more than that the But I still have concerns on how they teach...

the other school has around 30 kids from 9-12, with 5 for the incoming sophomore. I didn't feel the vibe, however, the director also reminded me on the importance of the skills the kids learn.

[michellea]

fc11 -
When my husband and I looked at LD schools for my son, we ended up making a list of attributes that we felt were important and rated the schools against those attributes. I don't remember exactly what was on the list, but I know we considered their curriculum, the training of the teachers, the methodologies used, the distance from our house, how they grouped kids, staff turnover, the profiles of the students and the culture. In the end, culture was the deciding factor. The school my son ultimately attended had the best feel for us. Some of the feel was a result of the staff, how they grouped, student profiles. But some of it was also the physical environment, the electives, the after school activities. Even though my son was only going into 3rd grade at the time, we also got feedback from him. Luckily he agreed with us, he was accepted, and the district (who paid) was also in agreement.

I think it would be important for you to tour the campus while it is in session if possible and bring your daughter. I also would make sure she gets accepted before entering into any conversation about her preferences. My son did not get accepted to one of the LD schools in our area, and I was glad that we had never indicated that we thought he should go there.

In terms of the two schools you are looking at - given the vast difference in size, the culture and the extra curricular activities will be very different. The groupings will also be different with the larger school having a bit more flexibility and most likely feeling more like a typical high school. I would also ask both schools about how the college application process is supported if you think your daughter will go that route. And finally, geography is important both from a commute standpoint as well as a friendship standpoint.

Again, let me emphasize that a LD school can be life changing. Not only for your daughter, who will hopefully feel more accepted, respected and successful and for you - when you know she is receiving the instruction she needs. It will be important for you to fully embrace the placement. I have seen some parents that did not fully accept that their children needed to the LD school. Ultimately, their child picked up on their negative vibe creating a very negative situation. It sounds like you are beginning to understand your daughter's needs and realize that she would benefit from a more supportive, explicit and structured learning environment. If she enrolls in the LD school, I hope that the entire family rejoices in the incredible opportunity and doesn't look back.

[kewpie]

Ditto on everything Michellea said!

LD schools do not automatically accept everyone but being a female can actually be a boon as most kids who apply are male. When shopping around I tried to remain neutral about the choices altho I had my favorites. Fortunately my son favored the same schools my dh and I did. Luckily he was accepted at the ones we liked. Ironically, he did not get accepted at our least favorite and closest to our home. Unlike the others, they had an interview process vs a shadow day. My son has a severe language processing disorder so of course he didn't impress them! Ironically, after they found out he was accepted at our number one choice, they backpedaled and said to consider coming back later on and applying for High school.

Most of the schools had a "shadow" day where the kids goes to classes and gets a feel for the school and the school gets a feel for the childs abilities and participation. Most schools will not accept a child they do not feel they can serve. Many will not take a child who is too far behind either. LD schools typically make sure the child has an average to high IQ in several areas. They know the score will be scattered but the typically do not accept cognitively impaired children. They typically take children with language based processing disorders, dyslexia, dysgraphia and attention issues. They do not want any behavior problems.
Sometimes they do serve high functioing autistic or aspergers kids who also have LDs.

[kewpie]

I just wanted to add. The teachers who teach at an LD school, typically WANT to serve that population and want them to learn.

In general ed schools, LD students are looked at as burden or something that they MUST tolerate.
The culture is SO different!

[fc11]

I am going to give it a try, I met with the Principal and the Director of Admission and I am impressed with their understanding of the student population... I am still concerned in giving up the content, but deep in my heart, I know DD will not be able to be to study in the college level if she is not getting help now...
I called back a second time just to tour the school, I think it is okay with grade 9 to 12, not huge campus, but has its own building..DD will be attending for a day....

I agree that being female has benefits, one of the first questions when they asked me was whether the child is a boy or a girl...I suspect they are willing to take in female student because there is a high percentage of boys. In the smaller school, there will only be 5 students in 10th grade with only one girl...