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Post by Mayleng on Oct 28, 2003 21:03:57 GMT -5
By Emily Perl Kingsley 1987
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
I am often asked to described the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people understand it, to imagine how it would feel.
It’s like this…..
When you are going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, Michaelangelo’s David, the gondolas of Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland??” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy, I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamt of going to Italy.” But there has been a change in flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced then Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… And you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everybody you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” The pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things… about Holland.
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Post by irishbutterfly on Oct 29, 2003 11:34:15 GMT -5
That is so true. I hate thinking about Cabe having to deal with this the rest of his life. He brings me and the rest of my family such joy. He is the only living grandson on my side so the joy is doubled. I wasnt very thrilled when I found out I was pregnant with Cabe. His father and I werent together and in fact he had another girl pregnant. I threw up three times a day and only gained 12 pounds. I had hyperemesis gravidarum where you have persistent, continuous vomiting. I ended up dehydrated and was in the hospital twice. My doctor said it was psychological and that I was internalizing my stress and that this was the way it was coming out. When Cabe was born I was just numb. He was having some problems because he swallowed amniotic fluid right before his head came out. He wasnt regulating his body temp and his O2 sats were low. He had to be in the NICU for about 6 hours. He weighed 5'8 and the nurses kept asking me if I smoked while I was pregnant and I had to explain over and over that I had been sick almost my entire pregnancy. Needless to say Cabe and I didnt bond until about 12 hours after he was born. I kept him in my room with me because I was trying to breastfeed. I think what really sealed the bond for us was when he started getting jaundiced and I asked the nurse for a bottle and she wouldnt give me one because I was breastfeeding. I got upset and explained to her that I had been through this with my daughter and she ended up in the hospital for three days under a bili light. She finally gave in and when I gave him the bottle he was so hungry you could hear the formula hitting his stomach. He threw up about 1/2 ounce and then ate some more. My doctor told me that Cabe was full term (they were off on my due date by 3 weeks) and that he only stayed in my womb as long as he needed to and then got the heck out because it was a hostile environment. Cabe has always made me laugh. He has a really expressive face and he loves to cuddle. He is always telling me he loves me and hugging me. I dont know what I would ever do without him. I think that one of the reasons we are so close is because it has always been just me and him. My daughter had their father for 4 years before we split. I am close to both of them and my daughter says they wouldnt want to be with anyone else. This makes me feel like Im not doing such a bad job. ;D
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 29, 2003 11:54:35 GMT -5
Irishbutterfly, Strange you should mention about the constant vomiting. I had such bad morning sickness (morning, afternoon, night sickness) for 6 months with both my kids. It was horrible. I was nearly hospitalized too because I got so dehydrated. The continuous vomitting is not stress, it had something to do with my genes and my husband's genes not being compatible. There is a name for it but I can't remember. After the vomiting stopped I started to itch all over for the rest of the 3 months, and was scratching till I was bleeding all down my legs. Once the babies (this happened on both pregnancy) came out, the itching stopped immediately. I cannot till today think of my pregnancies with any fondness. My older son also had jaundice. But I am glad that my boys came up healthy and happy. I wouldn't trade them in for anything.
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Post by irishbutterfly on Oct 29, 2003 17:06:56 GMT -5
Mayleng, My mom told me that she was real sick when she was pregnant with my brother. She thinks it was just something that the women in our family goes through. I dont know if that is right or not. I've never heard of the itching. That sounds really painful.
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 29, 2003 17:41:07 GMT -5
Mayleng, My mom told me that she was real sick when she was pregnant with my brother. She thinks it was just something that the women in our family goes through. I dont know if that is right or not. I've never heard of the itching. That sounds really painful. Oh, it was horrible. My skin was literally peeling off. It took my husband 3 yrs to convince to have another baby, that is why my kids are 3 yrs apart and I stopped at 2. Couldn't face another pregnancy.
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Post by Blainesmom on Oct 31, 2003 1:36:05 GMT -5
Irishbutterfly, Strange you should mention about the constant vomiting. I had such bad morning sickness (morning, afternoon, night sickness) for 6 months with both my kids. It was horrible. I was nearly hospitalized too because I got so dehydrated. The continuous vomitting is not stress, it had something to do with my genes and my husband's genes not being compatible. There is a name for it but I can't remember. After the vomiting stopped I started to itch all over for the rest of the 3 months, and was scratching till I was bleeding all down my legs. Once the babies (this happened on both pregnancy) came out, the itching stopped immediately. I cannot till today think of my pregnancies with any fondness. My older son also had jaundice. But I am glad that my boys came up healthy and happy. I wouldn't trade them in for anything. Mayleng you just described both my pregnacies. I thought I was allergic to being pregnant. I broke out with a bad rash and itched all over about 3 months before I delivered too. I went to a dermatoligist and he gave me cream it helped but not much. My doc also told me I could take a benadryl. That is so weird you had that too. I thought I was just strange!
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 31, 2003 8:24:43 GMT -5
Blainesmom, I have never met another mom who went through the same type of pregnancies I did. It's nice to know I am not a Freak of Nature ;D I also went to a Dermatologist and yup! the cream didn't work. Nothing worked except when the babies came out, the itch immediately stopped and my skin just flaked out - Gross isn't?
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 31, 2003 22:15:26 GMT -5
I to had dry skin when pregnant, not quite the extreme you guys are describing. I think babies start sucking the life and moisture out of you the minute they are conceived and then don't stop until they graduate college!
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Post by Blainesmom on Oct 31, 2003 23:44:44 GMT -5
I to had dry skin when pregnant, not quite the extreme you guys are describing. I think babies start sucking the life and moisture out of you the minute they are conceived and then don't stop until they graduate college! ;D Amen to that Millermom! I agree but none of us would trade our angels/little devils for anything in the world. They are well worth everything.
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