Post by Mayleng on Oct 27, 2003 21:30:41 GMT -5
I think most parents concerned enough to be on the internet looking for answers have the wisdom not to lie or avoid the subject of this disorder with their children. But incase someone reading this is struggling over the big sit down talk, you should know that age appropriate knowledge of their disorders is the foundation for fostering responsibility and self respect. Children need full awareness and unashamed acceptance that they are different from other kids and even grateful they do not have worse problems, (there’s always someone worse!). Scotty was thrilled when we drew up a list of pros and cons of ADD and compared it to, say, his cousin with CP or his classmate with Autism or the neighbor with behavior disorders, or the bully at the playground. The point was, really, to help him feel unalone, that everyone has a problem, even if you can’t see it. However, we got quite a bonus by developing in him, apathy, patience and understanding of others.
Then we started small, with things that discourage or embarrass him. I picked things that I knew we could change, and I set him up in no fail situations. This built confidence and a feeling of control and a desire to overcome. When school complained he still wasn’t acclimated to the building, couldn’t find things on his own, bathroom library gym office etc….I said how can we help you find your way around the school. He said, “I can find things when I’m walking with the whole class” I realized he was just blindly following the line. Together we made a map of the school. Then I began dropping him off at the opposite end of school in the AM. He had a 5 minute walk past every single office gym bathroom auditorium etc.. . (he made two corrections on our map!) 2 Weeks later he never got lost again. Could the school have thought of this? Unbelievable. When he couldn’t remember classmates names (called everyone dude, which wasn’t a bad fix) but we sent a camera to school and asked the teacher to take some candid photos of everyone. We wrote the names on the back of the pictures and used them like flash cards before bed everynight. Now he know’s everyone’s name and can even spell most of them.
I know you are saying these are hardly his biggest problems, but they were problems within his control and it was very encouraging to him. They are the groundwork for bigger things to come. the most important part of this is to reward him. Not with money or toys or Yu-Gi-Oh cards. But with pride, share these accomplishment with friends and family in his presence. I was guilty for a long time of overcompensating for him, but now that I've raised the bar a little, he has risen with it.
I guess some of the things that work for us will fall on "been there, done that, didn't work" ears. These kids are all so different. My son has the advantage of being quite innocent and positive in his outlook. On the first day of first grade, the class had to write their goals for the school year. Most kids wrote; to make new friends, to learn to read etc... Scotty wrote "to pay better attention". I guess we are lucky he is so unashamed and aware.
Is your son usually negative by nature or have things been going bad or is he at that age of resentment? Has he always been like this? If this behavior isn't part of his disorders but rather caused by them, he'd probably benefit from seeing a psych or group counciling if you have that avaiable to you. Our school psych said not to bother with this kind of therapy until/unless he began having bad feelings about his disorders.
Then we started small, with things that discourage or embarrass him. I picked things that I knew we could change, and I set him up in no fail situations. This built confidence and a feeling of control and a desire to overcome. When school complained he still wasn’t acclimated to the building, couldn’t find things on his own, bathroom library gym office etc….I said how can we help you find your way around the school. He said, “I can find things when I’m walking with the whole class” I realized he was just blindly following the line. Together we made a map of the school. Then I began dropping him off at the opposite end of school in the AM. He had a 5 minute walk past every single office gym bathroom auditorium etc.. . (he made two corrections on our map!) 2 Weeks later he never got lost again. Could the school have thought of this? Unbelievable. When he couldn’t remember classmates names (called everyone dude, which wasn’t a bad fix) but we sent a camera to school and asked the teacher to take some candid photos of everyone. We wrote the names on the back of the pictures and used them like flash cards before bed everynight. Now he know’s everyone’s name and can even spell most of them.
I know you are saying these are hardly his biggest problems, but they were problems within his control and it was very encouraging to him. They are the groundwork for bigger things to come. the most important part of this is to reward him. Not with money or toys or Yu-Gi-Oh cards. But with pride, share these accomplishment with friends and family in his presence. I was guilty for a long time of overcompensating for him, but now that I've raised the bar a little, he has risen with it.
I guess some of the things that work for us will fall on "been there, done that, didn't work" ears. These kids are all so different. My son has the advantage of being quite innocent and positive in his outlook. On the first day of first grade, the class had to write their goals for the school year. Most kids wrote; to make new friends, to learn to read etc... Scotty wrote "to pay better attention". I guess we are lucky he is so unashamed and aware.
Is your son usually negative by nature or have things been going bad or is he at that age of resentment? Has he always been like this? If this behavior isn't part of his disorders but rather caused by them, he'd probably benefit from seeing a psych or group counciling if you have that avaiable to you. Our school psych said not to bother with this kind of therapy until/unless he began having bad feelings about his disorders.
