Update-an ADD, dyslexic kid with mood disorder succeeds

[jisp]

For those who know me, remember that my youngest (ADD, mood disorder, dyslexic) decided to pursue music and went off to a prestigious conservatory.  We had our concerns about his ability to do all the other things it takes to be an artist, especially because of his lack of organizational skills.

He was lucky because he benefited from our experiences with his siblings.  He got specialized instruction (we provided it- not the school) and we made sure he had therapy for the four years he was in college.  

This weekend was his senior recital.  On Friday he learned he was accepted into his first choice graduate program, which is fully funded.  

Our son’s recital was Sunday and I never expected to be as impressed as I was. This is a kid who we used to joke would leave his head on the kitchen table when he left the house if it detached.  But he put together a recital that was amazingly cohesive and well organized. Having been to many senior recitals over the years at his conservatory I can say  his was the first that felt like a work of art in and of itself. It had a beginning, a middle and an end and was very well thought through and super organized.  I am bursting with pride right now.   And I also think that it is proof that a combination of motivation (our son is super determined to succeed as a musician) and appropriate interventions can result in success for these kids.

Just had to share.

[healthy11]

Jisp, that is fantastic! Correct me if I'm mistaken, but doesn't your husband also have a musical background? I imagine he must be brimming with pride, as well!!

[jisp]

Nope neither my husband or I have a musical cell in our body. My mother is musical and she sings. But trust me I can not!!!!
But yes everyone (all four grandparents), friends, his sister were all brimming with pride. Sadly his older brother could not make it as he is graduate school far away.

[healthy11]

Were you able to record his performance, or can you buy a taped copy from the conservatory, so that your other son can see what took place, and you can enjoy it again in the future?

[Mayleng]

I am so happy for you and your son. You have every right to be proud.

[jisp]

Healthy my son has lots of recordings of his music so his brother has heard many of the songs played. There are also plenty of videos of our son playing available online. Recording concerts is tricky and not always worth it because of background noise and the acoustics of the recital spaces. I believe students can request their recitals be recorded, but our son did not

[healthy11]

In a way, I'm surprised the conservatory wouldn't automatically record each performance, to ensure others don't copy the same materials in the future, but no matter what, at least you'll always have the beautiful memories to treasure in your heart!!

Although it's not nearly as impressive, I'm happy to share that my son just got a promotion where he works. On one hand, it probably doesn't change what his job responsibilities are, but given that his Division of the Fortune 100 corporation instituted a 2% across-the-board salary REDUCTION and hiring freeze this year, it was upbeat news. My son really likes the guy he reports to, and apparently the feeling has been mutual. Unfortunately, with the good news comes some bad, because there are credible rumors that his department may be outsourced, or at the very least, restructured in the near future...time will tell.

[jisp]

Healthy...JUST AS IMPRESSIVE in my opinion. I remember how worried you were about your son dealing with the real world and working for a large company. And Look......clearly if they gave him a promotion he is valued and even if his division is outsourced and he is laid off he has solid recommendations to use moving forward which is WONDERFUL. Sounds like he is also doing quite well. Congratulations to him and to you!!!!

[healthy11]

Jisp, thank you, but it's hard to relax when I'm reminded regularly of my son's LD's, and know there are still "significant challenges ahead." Two weeks ago, the frustration level made it feel like he was back in school.

My son definitely responds better when he respects his supervisor, both in terms of "technical smarts" as well as "good judgement," and luckily, he's been working under a boss with those qualities. On the other hand, my son really hates corporate politics and the corporate policies...for example, the former CEO abruptly resigned after it was found he used company equipment for personal gain, yet he still received a large severance package, while "the employees in the trenches" have to deal with salary reductions and other cutbacks. Policy requires that employees stay for at least 3 years before the company match portion of their 401K is vested... They've sent my son out of town to handle "test equipment emergencies," and he's seen the ridiculously high airfare costs they've paid to have him leave at the last minute, yet they haven't given him business cards because it's considered an unnecessary expense. I could go on, but the repeated rumor about his current department being outsourced soon, made our son start looking at moving to a different group. (He at least wants to stay with the company for another 1/2 year, to vest his 401K.)

To make a long story short, in order to apply, even internally, for another position, he needs to have a current resume. He hadn't updated his since he graduated from college, and he was beside himself over where to begin. His dyslexia reared its ugly head again. He kept saying, "I'm no good at this writing stuff. I don't know what to put down...." (Complicating matters was that his girlfriend, a nurse, recently updated her resume in order to try and switch to a different job that's day-shift instead of nights, and he said, "Hers doesn't just list stuff she's done, it "pops" out at you. It's really impressive." We aren't sure if his assessment is entirely accurate, because even she's only gotten one call to interview thusfar, but we could tell he was making comparisons of her writing style to his.)

Obviously, we don't know all the assignments our son has handled, or what areas of expertise he's developed since he's been working at the corporation, but it was SO painfully obvious that, just like for big projects in school, he was feeling overwhelmed and needed help getting started. Thankfully, my husband, who is also an electrical engineer, was able to calm our son, and by asking more specific technical questions, got him to start jotting things down, such that by the end of the "midnight application deadline" they managed to create a resume and our son got it submitted. He hasn't heard anything more about it, but at least his current group hasn't been disbanded yet, so for now, at least he keeps working for a guy he likes, and takes things one day at a time.

[shawbridge]

Congrats jisp. Wonderful news. Healthy, it looks like your son is doing well. Could the GF help him rewrite his resume?

ShawD will graduate in a month and a bit. She's tired -- 5 years including summers of consecutive classes plus jobs plus clinicals over the last 2+ years. Plus a bout of pneumonia. ShawSon is in the runnings for incubator funding of his next startup. He is used to working with kids with LDs -- in fact, part of his application to business school was about working with and managing a trusted group of what he calls "Non-Standard Intelligences." In his new team is a seemingly brilliant kid with actual or coming degrees in finance, medicine, engineering, biostatistics and business. ShawSon says the kid just looks at the floor but turns out to really like ShawSon (definitely Asperger's material, based upon the description), who says "I know how to work with him. Money is not that important, but he knows that I give him only interesting problems."

[healthy11]

Shawbridge, it's great to hear that your kids are doing well on their career paths, too!

Given that your daughter is in a medical profession, I imagine she's required to get vaccinated for many illness, including pneumonia. Although she still came down with it, I hope that at least she had a more mild case, and is back to good health now.

My son's girlfriend, being a hospital nurse, also has to keep all of her inoculations current. "Knock on wood," she's been able to avoid contracting anything contagious from her patients up to this point. When it comes to assisting our son with his resume, I had also inquired if she could help him, but he said "no." He said she has no understanding of "technical stuff" and little interest to learn about it. By her own admission, she couldn't "get what he was saying" even when he tried to explain simple things, like binary numbering. (Oddly, she supposedly scored an ACT composite of 35, but she also said she's never liked math. Equally unusual, to me, is that both her mother and grandmother are librarians, and it seems like she prefers to read rather than "do" things, in stark contrast to my dyslexic son! I'm not sure where their relationship is headed.)

It's wonderful to hear that your son is sensitive to the many "special needs" of his peers/co-workers. I LOVE your sharing the term "Non-Standard Intelligences," and hope you and he won't mind if I incorporate it into some of what I say, too. Keep us posted on his ventures, and all the best on his startup funding.

[shawbridge]

If he'd let me, you'd love his business school application, Healthy.

[healthy11]

If you get his permission, I definitely would enjoy reading it! I'll watch for private messages.

[dw]

Wow, fantastic!
The priceless value of early support, its awesome.

[jisp]

DW how is your daughter? Shawbridge glad to hear both kids are doing well. Good Luck to your daughter next year. It is a tough world out there for health care providers.

My daughter is now a Nurse Practitioner clinician working for a major teaching hospital in the area. She took the job so she could learn more about a specific branch of medicine she is interested in. She is frustrated and her frustrations are universal among medical professionals. The corporatization of medicine means that many practitioners simply can not practice the type of medicine they feel is best for their patients. She says she went in to this profession to be a healer but she is far from that in her current job. 10 minutes of time with a patient means 20 minutes of paperwork. Scary to hear her talk about how a medical conference she attended is totally shaped by the pharmaceutical companies so they can sell products. She is determined to address it somehow but is sorting out what her next step will be. Meanwhile she is learning a lot in her current job. One small thing she has done she says is NOT LOOK at her computer when a patient is in the room with her. She makes a point to make eye contact and look at the patient and actually talk to them. It is challenging though because then everything has to be entered into the computer later on and there just isn't enough hours in the day.

My other son who is in graduate school and was our most challenging child is having the usual 2nd year PhD woes. He talks about alternate careers besides academia and makes jokes with us that he is going to drop out and open up a vegan bakery. Sigh......meanwhile he seems to be doing just fine in his program. He has published, given posters, his advisor likes him and he seems to be doing well teaching. Nobody said getting a math Phd was easy.

[dw]

Jisp, thanks for asking. How is my daughter? Safe, I think, working, in her favorite Northeastern state.  I expect to see her again in August for her 10 year HS reunion. Its nice that she wants to attend that. I believe she is trying to figure out what to do next.

I empathize with your dtr. I rarely have written progress notes while I have my patients in the room, though sometimes I have to take notes. I have a very good memory for y patient care stuff, and enough freedom to not to have to finish my notes until after clinic. I think a lot of us who are busy do this. I finish some notes up at home. I have never been willing to compromise what I consider good, personalized and humanistic patient care for efficiency.
But it is really hard for a new health care provider to maintain idealism. I was fortunate that when I was young, I was a collective member in a feminist women's health collective. We were so idealistic, and it provided an atmosphere in which we could play out our idealism, build it and learn how to not be lose our ideals. I don't know if I would have stayed in health care if it had not been for the support I felt as a collective member at Chicago Women's Health Center for 13 years. Surprisingly, our collective, which we could barely keep open once a week, built to be a full time health center that still exists and is thriving. Still though, the patients pay anonymously, with only their conscience as their guide.

A friend is the medical director of an idealistic health clinic for HIV infected women and their families in Kigali, Rwanda. The friend only takes on young volunteers, and otherwise has an all Rwandan staff. I wonder if S. might want to spend a month there sometime? Mardge is a wonderful role model. She moved out of Chicago a few years ago and now lives in your town, at Boston Health Care for the Homeless. The web site is we-act.org

[shawbridge]

There is a path for non-academic jobs for math PhDs, especially if the work could be applicable to things like computer science. One of my son's friends is getting a math PhD at, I think, Yale and would love to work in the sports industry.

What area is your daughter specializing in?

My daughter is actually thinking about moving to the Northwest. In addition to being a nice place to live (she has heard), the culture of medicine is different. Front line providers do more care and less referral. Plus, NPs don't work under doctors for billing but state law mandates that if an NP and an MD perform the same task, they get the same reimbursement from insurers.

[jisp]

Shawbridge DD is working in Endocrinology. She is happy to be working with a doctor, especially one who is a researcher and teacher at the medical school because it means she is also learning. She sees new patients. The MD recently learned NPs can do biopsies so she is getting sent for training soon. For the most part her work week is very similar to an MD in the field. DD looked at the West Coast and even had a job offer out west. But at the end of the day she realized she wanted to get some more concrete training under her belt before going off and working on her own or in a more holistic setting.

DW thanks for the Link I will share with DD. I am not sure where her thinking is about next steps. Remember DD worked at the state Hospital that serves the bottom of the barrel and the state woman's prison. She got pretty burnt out and cynical after that. The opiate crisis really has taken it's toll. I will mention you friend to her when I see her this weekend.

Shawbridge, my son knows that he easily could use his math skills in industry. But I think when he talks about quitting it is doing something completely non-math related because he is frustrated with himself as a mathematician....feeling he is not smart enough, worried about never being able to solve another problem etc etc.....all pretty standard stuff. Sometimes we just have to listen to him talk about Vegan bakeries, becoming a farmer, and let him process all those emotions**

**Although funny thing. My son is a bass player and one of the biggest artisan bread companies in the Boston area is founded by a successful Jazz Bass player. When I first met him I joked about paying for conservatory so my son could become a baker. Then I realized, this baker was actually VERY successful and doing something he loves. So maybe I should not be so judgmental/fearful or alternative career paths.

[dw]

On one hand it is surprising that NP's still have to work under collaborative agreements with MD's in Massachusetts, but on the other hand, with all the big muckety muck medical institutions there, I suppose the excess of powerful docs don't want to give up control.
I think it would be much better to work in a state where NP's have independent practice, there are 14 states. I work in a state that still requires a collaborative agreement, it is a real pain in the you-know-what. I don't need it, I know when I need to go to colleagues for advice.
When I worked part time in retail pharmacy clinics, at Walgreens, where the patient problems are generally very simple and straightforward (colds, flu), I was still required to talk to my collaborative physician once a month. Except there was nothing to talk with him about, as I had no issues I could not solve. No doubt Walgreens pays the collaborative physicians plenty, and its just an economic gain for physicians, in my opinion. Numerous studies over 35 years years have shown the safety, accuracy, efficiency and effectiveness of nurse practitioner practice.

[healthy11]

I want to thank all of you for sharing your stories about working in the medical field. At this point, my son's girlfriend is just trying to pay off her initial school loans, so she took the first job she was offered, as a floor nurse working nights at a large hospital. She originally wanted to be a surgical nurse, but right now, her main desire is to find a "daytime" position. I sense she'd like to get additional educational training / certifications "down the road," so it's helpful to hear about the different options that exist.

[jisp]

DW,
One issue for new NP grads that shaped my DD's decision about where to work is that right now there are very few residencies for NPs. So if you want to get more advanced training in a sub-specialty you really have to seek out a job where you will have an MD who is willing to teach you. I doubt my DD would be comfortable giving the sort of care she gives right now without working with an MD. In fact she briefly was on-call shortly after taking the job and she told me she was not nervous because thankfully the head of endocrinology at the hospital was available if she needed. Working with an MD for a hospital meant she could go to a full week conference devoted to endocrinology and she gets to hear and learn about difficult cases.

[dw]

Jisp, Oh, yes, the first few years in a supportive learning environment are so important. The upward learning curve is steep for NP's in the first 2-3 years. Glad to know she is in a supportive work situation. Is she still interested in women's health, too?
Sorry, I had forgotten about her negative experiences in her clinical placements in the prison, etc.

[kewpie]

Wow! I am so impressed by the stories you have shared about your children. Very inspiring!

It looks like I have gained a legal victory for my younger son who is attending the Arrowsmith program. The State dept of Rehab and i have reached a settlement about the funding (with the help of a non-profit lawyer) so that is a huge economic burden lifted from me for this school year anyway.

[healthy11]

Kewpie, that's great news for your family, too. Keep us posted as to whether your younger son responds as well to the Arrowsmith program as your older kids have.

[kewpie]

Hi Healthy,

I already have some good news on my younger sons response to Arrowsmith. DS has been enrolled in an on-line course with a 1:1 tutor thru an adjunct facility on the Arrowsmith site. In the last couple of weeks he has suddenly become very focused and instigated an request to finish up the class after being "stuck" for about 6 months.

[healthy11]

It's great that you're starting to see benefits! How long has he been participating in the Arrowsmith program? (In other words, for people who might want to try it, what time frame might they expect to see results?)

[dw]

Kewpie, do you have links to the online course you mentioned? Is this available to the interested public (with payment, of course)?

[kewpie]

Healthy,
My younger son started September 2015. I would say that improvements begin to show up between 6-9 months depending on the level of impairment. After one school year on a part time (its really about 4/3 time) my older sons language improved significantly to everyone that knew him. It brought his anxiety level down in a major way.

DW,
The on-line course is with Brigham Young U. is.byu.edu/site/

[michellea]

Great Great news!!! I remember that the music world was unfamiliar territory for you - so glad you encouraged him to follow his dream. Another one going off to a funded advanced degree - the Jisp family does not let disabilities get in the way. Congratulations.