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Update
Dec 24, 2015 22:44:34 GMT -5
Post by vp4 on Dec 24, 2015 22:44:34 GMT -5
I haven't been on the site in a while. Divorce has been taking a lot of my time, sold the home and moved. My son is a senior now. He is headed to medicine. I disagreed with the choice but he didn't care. His mother pushed him towards medicine and he is a total mama's boy. He has already been accepted at multiple schools. He will be a Premed student in the fall. I was hoping to steer him towards gap year, etc. but that is all moot now. Just hoping he understands medicine is really hard work for more than a decade before he becomes a full fledged Physician. I am not confident he can make it. Perhaps he will surprise me.
Thanks for all the advice all of you had given me over the years. It was invaluable.
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Update
Dec 25, 2015 11:10:08 GMT -5
Post by Mayleng on Dec 25, 2015 11:10:08 GMT -5
Thanks for the update. The one thing I learned from my boys is, you need to let them make their own decisions/mistakes. As much as I try to advice, coach, nag and worry, they will do what they want and the only way is for them to experience it themselves. It is their path to walk now, we have done all we can to make it easier for them.
Perhaps your son will surpise you, wouldn't it be a nice surprise to be proven wrong on this?
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Update
Dec 25, 2015 12:57:20 GMT -5
Post by healthy11 on Dec 25, 2015 12:57:20 GMT -5
The fact that your son has been accepted at multiple schools should ease some of the concerns you had about less than perfect grades he got along the way. Although there are likely to be other "bumps in the road" on his path to adulthood, we are confident he will eventually make it. Perhaps it will be in medicine, perhaps he will change his mind and chose some other field, but try not to dwell on the negatives, and instead remember how far he's come. May the new year be happier for you and your son!
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Update
Dec 25, 2015 21:41:56 GMT -5
Post by vp4 on Dec 25, 2015 21:41:56 GMT -5
The problem is I know him very well. Unmotivated to put in hard work at school which is required in Premed and in med school, has no empathy for others. Not a fit for medicine, especially having no empathy. He himself told me unsolicited in the summer he doesn’t want to go to medicine as it is too hard, but his mother is pushing him in that direction. I agreed with it being too hard for him. The parent in me worries about what if scenarios such as what if he can’t get into a med school or what if he does get in but doesn’t graduate. Then what? There are consequences for making wrong choices. But I am letting it go and focusing on myself and my future. I would be happy of course if he proves me wrong and becomes a physician. That would be quite a story for a kid on the spectrum with Asperger's and average intelligence.
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Update
Dec 26, 2015 10:14:36 GMT -5
Post by dw on Dec 26, 2015 10:14:36 GMT -5
Thanks for the update, glad to know that you have so far survived your son's high school days. IF your son does make it through med school, specialties like pathology, or going into research as a bench medical researcher (though an MS or PHD in microbiology or biochem are often done during med school)areas that don't require much bedside manner and patient interaction. Your son will develop interests as he goes along in college. The plans may change.
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Update
Dec 26, 2015 11:11:25 GMT -5
Post by Mayleng on Dec 26, 2015 11:11:25 GMT -5
Vp4, as dw says, plans change even with kids without issues. I have seen many kids decide they would like to major in something and did a complete turnaround after graduating. My own nephew went into Criminology and graduated, he went for interviews with the FBI, local law enforcements and army intelligence etc. It was not until he was asked the question "can you kill someone" when he realized he could not and this was not what he wanted to do. I would have thought that would be the first question to ask oneself if that was what he wanted to major in. 4 years wasted because he decided he wanted to be a Physicians Assistant instead. It took him another 6 yrs to finally become a physician assistant. He had to go back to college and start all over again. But he did it. Another friends' children, all 4 had private school education all the way, went to Ivy League schools. They changed courses so often, it took them many years to graduate and all ended up not doing what they went to college for. These are very very smart kids with no issues except they can't decide what they wanted to do or what they wanted to do is not easy like be a musician (after graduating with a Bio-med degree from an Ivy School). This particular son is waitering in NYC and trying to break into the music scene and has been for a few yrs now. Whenever I worry about my kids, I think about what my friend went thru' with her kids (her hubby is a doctor) and I know you just have to let them walk their own paths even though you know they might be making a mistake.
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Update
Dec 26, 2015 14:08:37 GMT -5
Post by healthy11 on Dec 26, 2015 14:08:37 GMT -5
Mayleng gave several good examples, and I'll provide another. I'm sure I mentioned my nephew before, but he graduated from H.S. with over 30 hrs. of AP credits and many college acceptances, including MIT. He begged his parents to let him go there, but they urged him to consider universities that gave better scholarships. He ended up getting his undergrad degree in materials engineering, and he was granted a fellowship to get his Master's and PhD. After obtaining the MS in engineering, he announced that he changed his mind, and thinks he'd like to become a veterinarian. He had to go back and complete more undergrad biology classes before he could even apply to vet school, but that's where he's currently at. His parents aren't thrilled, but are trying to look at the bright side, being grateful they didn't pay for him to attend MIT at first. If everything works out, he'll still be over age 30 by the time he becomes self-supporting.
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Post by vp4 on Dec 26, 2015 15:59:12 GMT -5
You are all right. I have to let it go that he will fail in life if he doesn’t succeed in the current choice. I was listening to an audio from advisor at one of the schools that gave him admission and that advisor says they don’t want all 100% of students going to med school. They see plenty of students who went through motions because their parents pushed them to go to med school or they simply realized it was too hard for them and then made changes to go in another direction. The advisor further says it is their responsibility to ensure that those that don’t fit the profession do not get recommended by the faculty committee for admission to med school. It is too late for me to worry anyways as wheels are already in motion to premed and there is no stopping now. These schools seem to offer all the help he will need to go to medical school if he is willing to put in the hard work. They have specific course plans, research opportunities, hospital volunteering, MCAT preparation, etc to help him, if he chooses to work for it.
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Update
Dec 28, 2015 18:04:32 GMT -5
Post by kewpie on Dec 28, 2015 18:04:32 GMT -5
Mayleng made me think of one of my nephews. He is very bright and finished his engineering degree in 3 years at a UC college, maybe 8 years ago. My gut tells me this kid has some issues, but of course no one would believe if I said anything. After several years at a high tech company in the pacific northwest. He quits, and sells his house. He said people are too mean and he doesn't like working there. He moves back in with Mom and Dad and becomes a forklift operator. This was several years ago. Oddly enough, he came down here to visit a relative and "forgot" to buy a plane ticket back home in time for Christmas. So Mom and Dad hop in the car and drive 600 miles each way to pick him up and bring him home. If that isn't odd, I don't know what is! Its all very hush hush.
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Post by michellea on Dec 29, 2015 11:55:24 GMT -5
vp4 - Thanks for checking in. So glad to hear that your son is doing so well! I certainly understand how it feels to question a child's path - but I have learned that often once the child has a chance to learn for themselves about what a major or occupation actually entails, they can and will shift to find something more appropriate. And sometimes, children have better self knowledge than we realize.
However it unfolds, I am so happy for your son that his work in HS paid off and he has a number of options before him. Your support over the years - emotional and financial are a part of this success. Give yourself a pat on the back for hanging in there!
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Post by vp4 on Feb 7, 2016 1:27:25 GMT -5
Well, my son got admission to one of the better schools known for having a great premed program in the country and they gave 32k in scholarships. Who knows he may surprise me and actually work hard and become a physician.
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Post by healthy11 on Feb 7, 2016 10:54:37 GMT -5
One can never tell what the future holds, but it certainly seems like your son has already gone beyond what you imagined. Remember that there are few people whose "trajectory in life" is straight up, so even if there are "bumps in the road ahead," don't become distraught. Your son sounds like he's on a good path!
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Post by Mayleng on Feb 8, 2016 12:58:05 GMT -5
Just be there for him whether in success or in failure, that is all we can do for our kids. It is their life and we can only guide them. It is something I am trying very hard to do.
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Post by kewpie on Feb 9, 2016 11:34:41 GMT -5
Both of my sons have had bumps in the road post high school. Some of the issues had to do with being unable to choose a career path or realizing after the fact that it wasn't what they wanted. Most of the bumps have come from the learning disabilities and realizing that they needed more help than originally thought. It is really frustrating as a parent but there is no way to rush these things. The problems are big and there is no clear cut path, you just have to roll with the punches and get up and start again.
In the mean time its good to have other people you can share with, especially those in a similar situations. (that is why this board is such a blessing) You can't compare your child's growth with the neurotypicals although sometimes it is really reassuring to see that they stumble too.
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Post by vp4 on Feb 9, 2016 15:41:40 GMT -5
Sound advice everyone. I am going to just support him anyway I can. I am in fact quite surprised he had done this well. I never expected a kid with Asperger's, social issues, being on the spectrum with average IQ to do this well. I did spend tons of money getting him into private schools where he got some programs he needed. He does have a high GPA, did very well in ACT. Still, never expected him to get scholarship from a terrific school with proven record for opportunities anyone can take advantage of if they are motivated. My retirement is in the dumpster but he may benefit.
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Update
Feb 10, 2016 10:55:13 GMT -5
Post by kewpie on Feb 10, 2016 10:55:13 GMT -5
>My retirement is in the dumpster but he may benefit.< I feel your pain. I know lots of parents who are in your position. I was hoping that my husband and I could start getting out of debt but I had to send my kids to the Arrowsmith program and the cost is very high. I have sent one at a time. I was able to get my daughters tuition reimbursed but not either of my boys. However, it has made the difference between success and failure, so I can't NOT do it.
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Post by vp4 on Mar 16, 2016 20:14:07 GMT -5
Well, my son finally picked Goucher with a 41K scholarship. I am going to pay less and save more for retirement. Win-win.
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Update
Mar 16, 2016 22:07:15 GMT -5
Post by healthy11 on Mar 16, 2016 22:07:15 GMT -5
Congratulations! (I remember breathing a great sigh of relief when my son finally made his college selection! Of course, after two years he decided to transfer to a different university, and they didn't accept all of his prior credits so we ended up paying for additional semester's tuition, but in the end, it all worked out.) Here's wishing your son all the best as he completes his final months of high school, and embarks on post-secondary learning!
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Post by vp4 on Mar 16, 2016 22:59:43 GMT -5
I am proud of how far my son came from being a kid who would sit alone in cafeteria, not ever raise hand or participate in the class and not have many friends. He still struggles with making friends. Academically he had done really well and that is backed up by the fact that he was offered scholarships by all 10 schools that admitted him. He was rejected by only one.
You and everyone else have been an amazing source of encouragement, advice, kind words and lots of useful info. I will forever be grateful to you all. Thank you.
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Update
Mar 17, 2016 9:46:03 GMT -5
Post by healthy11 on Mar 17, 2016 9:46:03 GMT -5
You're very welcome! We hope that even as your son leaves his K-12 education behind, you'll continue to "keep us posted" and share some of your experiences with parents of other younger children, so that they don't lose hope, either. ((Remember we have lots of good information/resources in the Young Adults/College Years part of Millermom's forum, too!)
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Update
Mar 19, 2016 10:18:50 GMT -5
Post by Mayleng on Mar 19, 2016 10:18:50 GMT -5
Very happy for you and your son.
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Update
Mar 21, 2016 13:25:50 GMT -5
Post by kewpie on Mar 21, 2016 13:25:50 GMT -5
Congratulations to both of you!!
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