RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) Letter to the School

[hope4all]

We have been having many issues with my son’s school this year. He is in the third grade. The main issues are the school’s behavior program and homework and more time in the resource room. My son’s therapist wrote a wonderful letter to the school. I would like to share the letter with you.

Good Morning,

I have been speaking with Mom and she has forwarded me e-mails regarding homework concerns, school’s behavior program, as well as her responses to these concerns. I understand the concerns presented regarding homework, as well as Mom’s concerns and hope, as a team, we can come up with a plan that will best meet Child’s needs.

It seems part of the problem we are encountering is a difference in opinion regarding the root cause of Child’s behavior (not completing homework/defiance) and how the behavior should be managed. From what I gather, the school team feels child understands the subject matter and is becoming manipulative at home during homework time to escape/avoid his work. The school team feels Child requires consequences for not completing his homework to be consistent with expectations and consequences, as well as to "motivate Child" to complete his homework at home. This approach is consistent with a behavioral approach typically used with defiant children and can be fairly effective with regular education students.

On the other hand, Mom and myself tend to view Child’s behavior (not completing his homework) as defiance rooted in fear stemming from a trauma history According to Byran Post, "there are several predictable areas of defiance for children with trauma histories. Some of these include transition, school time, bath-time, bedtime and homework."

Child tends to become dysregulated during homework time when he does not feel competent or understand the material. His frustration tolerance is very low and he immediately begins to make statements such as, "I am stupid, I don't know how to do this" etc. when he doesn't know how to complete a homework assignment. Child becomes anxious, angry and escalates, making it difficult for him to process the information and do well. Child wants to do well and enjoys showing his skills when he feels competent. When he does not feel competent or good enough, fears of abandonment are triggered. Child attempts to regain control through defiance with Mom, who is in the position of trying to get him to complete his homework. Enforcing consequences during this process will only heighten Child’s arousal and place additional pressure on him, causing further dysregulation and making it more difficult for him to learn and complete his homework.

Rather than utilizing consequences, a love-based approach has been encouraged in treatment with Child and his parents. This approach is used to treat attachment disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the well-known clinicians that utilize this approach include Daniel Hughes, Bryan Post, Heather Forbes, Karyn Purvis, and Bruce Perry. Many of the strategies that work well with children with RAD are counterintuitive and contradict behavioral interventions typically used in the school system (or a behavioral approach in therapy). Prior to receiving training for treating attachment disorders, I also utilized behavioral approaches that were ineffective and, at times, harmful to the relationship between the child and parent. Since learning about these approaches, I have seen great improvements in the behavior of children I treat with attachment disorders. Mom has spent many hours learning and practicing these methods with Child and his behavior continues to improve; however, he continues to experience periods of dysregulation.

Bryan Post explains in his book, "Beyond Logic Consequences and Control," the impact of trauma and stress on the brain. He explains that dysregulation (either hypo-arousal - defiance, resistance, depression, withdrawal or hyper-arousal - anger, hyperactivity, fidgetiness, and vigilance) stems from fear related to trauma. When a child is under stress, they will become more anxious, nervous, fearful and aggressive. Their short-term memory will be impaired and they will not be able to think as clearly or learn effectively. Child endured significant trauma in the first three years of his life. This trauma has impacted his brain development and his ability to regulate his emotions. Our goal in therapy is to improve his ability to regulate his emotions using attachment-based therapy and a love-based approach. Child does receive consequences, but this is not the primary means to change his behavior. Using a behavioral approach with these children has been notoriously ineffective and back-fires, creating greater dysregulation for the child and further impairing their ability to learn and form healthy relationships with their caregivers. Modifying Child’s environment, providing resources to assist him in being successful, providing positive reinforcement for his successes, and helping him regulate his emotions when distressed (by acknowledging fears and establishing a safe and secure environment) will be most effective in changing the behavior.

I do believe Child is experiencing difficulty with his schoolwork and this is contributing to his dyregulation at home. I have observed Child completing his homework and have noticed his struggle first hand. I have encouraged Mom to find a tutor to assist Child in completing homework outside of the home. I am hoping between the tutor and homework group, he will be able to accomplish the necessary homework without Mom having to do the bulk of it at home. I would like home to be a place of regulation for Child where he can focus on his relationship with his parents and feel calm. I also believe the amount of homework Child is receiving is excessive and am wondering if there is a way to decrease the amount of work he is required to complete (30 minutes a day would be a reasonable amount) I do not think the school’s behavior plan will motivate Child to complete his school work. I believe it will lead to him feeling worse about himself and create greater defiance and dysregulation. I am hoping we can figure out a way for Child to complete a reasonable amount of work successfully.

I realize you do not see behaviors in the school setting; however, Child’s dsyregulation at home is a sign that he is under stress. Mom provides a very structured home environment with consistent expectations. Child does have consequences when he does not complete his homework at home. She is calming for Child when he becomes dysregulated and does not simply "give in" to his anger, aggression, or defiance However, there are also times when Child is so dsyregulated that the entire day is centered around helping him regulate his emotions. When this occurs, Mom’s job is to help Child calm himself down. I also realize that the approach discussed feels uncomfortable at times or feels as if Child is manipulating and is getting away with it. I myself have been in the position of feeling this way. It is a very different way to think about behavior and is definitely not a traditional view. I also realize this e-mail will not be sufficient in understanding this type of treatment and can provide resources if necessary.

Warmly,
Ms. F., LCPC
Centennial Counseling Center

[healthy11]

Hope4all, thank you for sharing ~ It sounds like you have found a wonderfully supportive therapist to work with your family, and her willingness to explain things in detail and work with the school is exceptional. We wish your son well.

(I removed the therapist's name for privacy reasons; if someone wants it, they send you a private message.)

[dihicks6]

Request an IEP meeting and then a 30 minute homework accommodation on his IEP. If they refuse, request PWN. They will then have to put their reasons for refusing in writing and we all know how they hate doing that.... Or, you can simply propose an amended IEP with this accommodation with no meeting, just signatures.

[hope4all]

Oct 22, 2013 9:56:59 GMT -5 dihicks6 said:

Request an IEP meeting and then a 30 minute homework accommodation on his IEP. If they refuse, request PWN. They will then have to put their reasons for refusing in writing and we all know how they hate doing that.... Or, you can simply propose an amended IEP with this accommodation with no meeting, just signatures.

We had a meeting and I asked for a change in accommodations. Decreased homework, the word can to be changed to will. Increased Reading and Math Pull-Out resource minutes. Also the last line of the IEP that stated "Changes, including the addition and exclusion of accommodations may take place if the educational team feels it is appropriate and necessary." changed to "Changes, including the addition and exclusion of accommodations may be changed if parents are informed in writing and a parental signature is obtained.
The head of Special Education for our town told me she consulted the legal department and although they always inform parents of changes in accommodations, legal they don't have to. I said, "If that is true then there is not any reason to have an IEP in the first place. Then the social worker said, "Well your part of the team. I said then does it have to be a unanimous decision. She said, no it doesn't. So then there is not any reason to have an IEP in the first place. aaaaahhhhhgggggg
So anyway in the meeting they agreed to the changes except they did not want to increase pull-out for math because he is on grade level. (he is only on grade level in math because I teach it to him.) So the amended IEP comes back and all the changes they agreed to are not in it. So I Red Lined it an added all the changes and sent it back to them. We had another informal meeting just me my sister (she is great advocate for ds in these meetings) the head of Special Education Department and the brain dead school social worker. That was a week ago Friday. I have not heard a direct response. However I was e-mailed and told ds would have points taken away for not completing homework starting the second quarter. I responded that I disagree and the above letter is ds's therapist response. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Sat.

I know I can legally make them give ds the accommodations he needs. However I can not legally make them change their attitude toward giving the accommodations. I found a private school that seems like it would meet his needs. However it is not a state approved non public school. The head of Special Education Department mentioned to me about tuitioning ds out. I know I have a slim chance of actually getting the school to pay tuition. However could I get them to transport him? We have a large special ed coop that takes students up to an hour away from their home schools. I know they must go to this private schools area anyway. Is there any way I could get these idiots the district (who refuse to provide ds with an education) to provide transportation?

[hope4all]

I kinda rambled on. Thanks for your input.

[bros]

A state complaint would get them to change their attitudes about appropriate accommodations

[dwolen]

I also say, thank you for sharing this letter. What a good explanation of RAD and its treatment!

[hope4all]

Well I got general note from the resource teacher today. Explaining how it takes the kids a long time to finish their reading test. She is having them read it out loud to her. (She said reading out loud increases their comprehension.) The kids also get a break after every page they read. Since they struggle over every word. Also she will randomly eliminate one of the choices so the test will take less time. Well he is two years below reading level. He is suppose to have the tests read to him. She doesn't have time in her schedule to give him more resource minutes. Well their is your time right there. Read the third grade test to him and get it done. Then work with him at his instructional level so his reading improves. I guess that just makes to much sense. aaaaahhhggggg

[dihicks6]

"(She said reading out loud increases their comprehension.)"

Nope, it just increases their frustration and anxiety.

For everything they refuse, request PWN. Start today asking for that! They'll get tired of it quickly, because not providing PWN when requested is a slam-dunk win on a state complaint -- been there, done that. Also make sure it gets documented that she told you she doesn't have time to give him more resource minutes.

"However I can not legally make them change their attitude toward giving the accommodations."

I wouldn't worry about their attitude, just worry about making them toe the line. I never cared if the school staff liked me, respected me, etc., because if they continued to be out of compliance, it was their problem -- and one that could be easily fixed.

Check your state regs re transportation. Here in NY, public districts do transport to private schools as long as the request is rec'd by a certain date in the spring. However, I did check out a private school for Sir Ray (should I need one), and called my public district, and they already have transportation going to that school and agreed to transport him if I needed to.

[hope4all]

My concern about their attitude is not weather they like me. I have a strong feeling that his teacher allows her dislike for me to affect the way she treats Ray. I did not want him to participate in a school wide reading of a book. So she had him sit in the hall by himself when the class read the book. The teacher was reading the book to the class.

[dihicks6]

Did she say why he had to sit outside in the hall?

Just thinking out loud here....if the Sped Dir. even mentioned paying 'tuitioning him out' then you might simply request it in writing. You could mention lack of progress, no implementation of accommodations listed on the IEP, failure to allow parental participation and input during IEP team meetings, and any and all other violations of IDEA. Once in awhile, this is enough to shake things up, even if they refuse.

I'll be interested to see what the attorney says.

[hope4all]

"Did she say why he had to sit outside in the hall?"

I stated it in a informal meeting as if I knew it to be a fact. (Ray told me this is what was happening) The social worker confirmed the statement. The social worker said, it was because she and the resource teacher did not have time in their schedules to work with Ray when the teacher read of the story was taking place.

Thanks for your thoughts. I will let you know what the lawyer has to say.

[hope4all]

I remember reading somewhere on this site that members of a child's educational team could be removed from the team for a lack of understanding and or knowledge about the child's disabilities. If this is true than the only members of Ray's educational team would be myself, my husband, Ray's Aunt and Ray's outside therapist.

[dihicks6]

So why couldn't your son just sit in class while they were reading the book to the class? Doesn't make sense.... did I misunderstand anything? Even if the class was reading parts of the book out loud doesn't mean he couldn't just listen??? If that's what happened, I'd be beyond upset at how it would make my child feel. Hope it goes well with the attorney.

[hope4all]

wow wrote a lengthy response last night. Guess I forgot to click post. aaaahhhhh

The book had themes in it that may have been a trauma trigger for him. Therefore we did not want him to participate in the teacher read of the book. The book is part of their year long anti bullying campaign. "Wonder" Also this book is rated by Common Sense Media as inappropriate for all children ages 2 to 8. Maybe inappropriate for some children age 10. It gives a green light for children 11 or 12 and older.

[hope4all]

Went to see the lawyer yesterday. He said that the accommodation and modification that i had been asking for, are very reasonable requests. He was surprised that I just could not get what ds needed just by asking. He asked if the teacher's were incompetent. I said it seems so. He feels that ds should go to another school because we could fight for the accommodations and modifications and win. However it would be just a paper victory.
He referred us to an psychologist for an educational evaluation. The psychologist is also a very strong educational advocate. She will observe ds in his class and goto the IEP meetings.

I have included the e-mails sent back and forth about the school tying homework completion to the school wide behavior program. My last response was the lawyer suggestion.



To Mom,

I wanted to let you know about Behavior Reward Day and how we are handling it with DS starting Monday, October 21. Behavior Reward is a privilege that is earned by students who are respectful and responsible. Every quarter, each child starts out with 16 points in 3rd grade. They can lose points for behavior and missing assignments. If at the end of the quarter they still have at least 1 point, they can attend Behavior Reward Day.

The first quarter, we didn't take any points away from DS for missing assignments; therefore he gets to go to the movie this quarter. Starting next quarter (Monday, October 21), DS will lose points (2 points per missing assignment) for not turning in his homework on time. This is consistent with all other students in the school. A note, that a parent will need to sign and send back, will be sent home each time a point is deducted. As an accommodation for DS, we will only take away two points for the day instead of two points for each assignment. For example, the homework he doesn't do over the weekend would result in only 2 points deducted, whereas all other students could have multiple points deducted for each assignment. We believe this is fair for DS.

We are hoping that this will motivate him and help with behavior regarding homework at home. It makes us the "bad guy" so to speak. We still won't keep him in for workroom and will continue to catch him up and on the work that he didn’t complete, but we will start taking away points. Now that he is adjusted to his school environment and has the opportunity to attend the first BEHAVIOR Reward Day, we hope this motivates him to be just as productive at home as he is here at school and homework club.


On a side note, I noticed that you had DS review his vocabulary words and read the story last night instead of doing the homework that was assigned. We don’t have a reading test until next Friday, so that is why we didn’t have that as homework in his assignment notebook. Please do the work that we write in his book so that he won’t be behind and he won’t lose a point (Behavior Plan starts next week).

Thank you,
Resource Teacher

Mrs. Resource Teacher,

I would like to respectfully disagree. The reading writing and language arts work that DS is being asked to do is 2 years above his instructional level. Therefore I do not feel it is fair to penalize him for having a disability. Also when DS is dysregulated what I need to do is focus on helping him regulate.
I know you do not know me well or trust me. However I wish you could just take a step of faith and trust me when I tell you he is not able to do homework at certain times.
I strongly believe that the cause of DS's dysregulation is the expectations are too high. He is already feeling bad about himself, because he is unable to meet expectations. . So to solve the problem we are now going to penalize him for not meeting expectations?

Did you read the handout My son’s therapist passed out at our last meeting. It asks teachers to follow the parents lead on homework?

Mom

Marylands Source for Attachment Disorder Related Information

www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/intervent.htm

Mrs. Resource Teacher,

Now that you have received mine and DS's therapist opinion on the Schools Behavior Program for missing assignments, please let us know the teams decision.

Mom

Mom,

We have decided to stick with what we originally said. If DS wants to be able to go to the reward at the end of the quarter, then he has to participate in the program. Again, we will only take off points for each day there is missing homework, not each paper that is missing.


In addition, we have started supplementing this with some of the things suggested in the article from My son’s therapist and other research that Mrs. Social Worker has provided us. For example, making a big deal if he turns his homework (like getting a high five from The Principal) or if he doesn't turn it in saying something like "What happened, did Aliens take it? Well we better get it done now". Ms. Reg. Classroom Teacher and I have also been giving him a little pep talk at the end of the day where we show him his homework in his folder, show him his assignment notebook and we tell him that it is his responsibility to get it done. We also explained to him what BEHAVIOR Reward was and how he can lose points.

Sincerely,
A Resource Teacher

Mrs. Resource Teacher,

I wanted you to know that I would like to call an IEP meeting to discuss the "Schools Behavior Program" as you know my husband, myself and My son’s therapist, feel that tying the "Schools Behavior Program" to homework completion will place an undue amount of pressure on DS, increasing his dysregulation. His IEP states, that "positive reinforcement should be used whenever possible". Taking away points is negative reinforcement. DS needs flexibility with homework completion. This is why his IEP States, DS should not be given consequences for not completing a specific amount of work under timed conditions, rather he should be monitored for making personal improvements. DS is often incapable of completing the assigned homework in the time specified. . As his IEP states, "he should be monitored for making personal improvements and be rewarded positively on that basis".

After throughly reading the most recent amended version of DS's IEP that was mailed to our home, we do not feel that the accommodations and modifications are sufficient to meet DS's educational needs.

Warmly,
Mom

[dihicks6]

They NEVER get it sometimes -- it's like they have blinders on. Also sounds to me that it's possible the teachers are receiving pressure from further on up on this issue. You would also want to send in a formal written request for an IEP meeting. Just mentioning it in an email to his teacher(s) is very easy for them to ignore. Good luck!

P.S. If it were me, I send a request for PWN for their refusal to remove him from the behavior program due to his disabilities. Make them put it in writing!

[hope4all]

The resource teacher is my son's case worker. It seems as though the Principal is the top dog around these parts. I think unofficially he overrides the Director of Special Education's decisions. The principal was a gym teacher who went on to get an administrative certificate. As far as I can tell he has never taught an academic class. He does not know what typical students need. Let alone special education. Then we have a child with RAD. He is never going to get it.
The case manager was the reg. ed 3rd grade teacher for the past five or so years. She has a bachelors degree. When I looked up the school she went to they did offer a reg. ed. spec ed. combination degree. When I looked up the required subjects for this degree it focuses on reg education and tags on a little about differential learners. She does not seem to know what a typical special education student needs. She has absolutely no concept about what kids with RAD need. When I or someone else tries to explain it to her, it's as if, we are speaking a foreign language. I feel like were dealing with the village idiots. I put a call in to psychologist who may be our sons advocate. Do Not Worry "We will not be ignored!

[empeg1]

Hope4all: I sent you a private message. Empeg

[hope4all]

empeg1, I did not receive a private message.

[hope4all]

I did receive your PM and I did respond. I would like more information on the subject.

[hope4all]

peg' i responded again to your PM. I also gave you my e-mail address in my PM

[empeg1]

I hope you do not mind if I respond here where the list serve can see. I sense a certain "that is not my child or my issue" feeling amongst members, as if Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is a rare condition, not affecting kids on this list serve, not pertaining to "my child". But, in school studies in Europe, Canada, the U.S..and now ongoing in the San Diego schools, pinpoint the prevalence rate of FASD's at 2 to 5 % of ALL school children with personal communication with the lead researcher stating that the prevalence rate is closer to 4 to 5%. That means that MORE children with FASD are born each year than with AUTISM, a finding verified by the Natl. Institute of Mental Health, SAMHSA. Top that off, for this board, 94% of children diagnosed with a FASD have ADHD. 70 to 75% of children who are or have been in foster care and 30% of all adopted children have FASD! 90% of children adopted from Russia do! And, no this diagnosis does not mean your child will look different; most have no outward signs. Most do NOT have intellectual deficit. 90%of women who used drugs during the pregnancy drank alcohol and it is the alcohol which does the damage. Alcohol is, in fact, more toxic to the developing brain than heroin, cocaine and marijuana combined (SAMHSA, again NIMH). These ARE OUR children, not someone else's and not just a hard story about my daughter. Most individuals with FASD are not diagnosed or are misdiagnosed, leading to so much further damage to the child, due to misfit of education, treatment, medication and parenting. Treatment is absolutely diagnostic specific. One of the most important factors for a better outcome is diagnosis before age 6 years. And, finally, this is a medical diagnosis, not a stigma, NOT a death sentence, with no hope. But, the first steps to treatment come from recognizing what one is seeing in the child and a diagnosis. Here are some readings to start you off:

Eme, R. (2013). Fetal alcohol spectrum disorders: A literature review ...www.apadivisions.org › Division 16 › Publications › Newsletters‎

Mattson, S.D. 2013) Further development of a neurobehavioral profile of fetal alcohol spectrum disorders..www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22974253‎

O'Malley and Rich. (2013) Clinical Implications of a Link Between Fetal Alcohol Spectrum and Autsim. www.intechopen.com/...autism.../clinical-implications-of-a-link-between-.. A very important chapter in a book on psychiatry with FASD, available on line for free.

Google Streissguth, look for a seminal article written in 1996 (or 97) with 1400 subjects on secondary characteristics of FASD.

Go to SAMHSA FASD Center and look up their online training courses and fact sheets.

[hope4all]

Thanks Peg.

[ceratops]

Oct 28, 2013 1:02:03 GMT -5 hope4all said:

...
To Mom,

I wanted to let you know about Behavior Reward Day and how we are handling it with DS starting Monday, October 21. Behavior Reward is a privilege that is earned by students who are respectful and responsible. Every quarter, each child starts out with 16 points in 3rd grade. They can lose points for behavior and missing assignments. If at the end of the quarter they still have at least 1 point, they can attend Behavior Reward Day.

The first quarter, we didn't take any points away from DS for missing assignments; therefore he gets to go to the movie this quarter. Starting next quarter (Monday, October 21), DS will lose points (2 points per missing assignment) for not turning in his homework on time. This is consistent with all other students in the school.... Now that he is adjusted to his school environment and has the opportunity to attend the first BEHAVIOR Reward Day, we hope this motivates him to be just as productive at home as he is here at school and homework club...


Mrs. Resource Teacher,

I would like to respectfully disagree. The reading writing and language arts work that DS is being asked to do is 2 years above his instructional level. Therefore I do not feel it is fair to penalize him for having a disability...

Just writing to offer my sympathy on the school turning a so-called positive behavior reward system into penalties for students who don't meet expectations. It seems obvious that taking away privileges will be perceived as a penalty by the affected child. How is that supposed to act as a positive incentive to any human being?

My DS's school does something similar with their PBIS system -- students lose 'status' after accumulating a certain number of demerits. Failing to hand in assignments is one of the sins that can lead to loss of status. DS's reaction to losing status for one month was a combination of resignation and disgust. No positive motivational effect was visible to me.

On a separate note, that little sentence about hoping that "this motivates him to be just as productive at home as he is here at school and homework club" is just mean-spirited and nasty. The obvious message is that the adults in the home environment are just not as competent at dealing with the child as the adults at school...

[hope4all]

Thanks ceratops, I know they think I am incompetent. However the feeling is mutual. When he reads and writes at a 1st grade level and they try and tell me it's reasonable for him to complete 3rd grade level work. Yeah it's all my fault I see their point. not!

[empeg1]

Hope4us, the use of "reward" programs like "Reward Day", is specifically contraindicated for a child with FASD; it just such activities which harm children with FASD, who have difficulty in learning by consequences, as part of the neurodevelopmental disability. I would be eye-balling this Resource Specialist, better yet, the Director of Special Education or the superintendent, with a "thou shall not" do that with my child?

[hope4all]

peg, It harms kids with RAD for the same reason. It ruins the self esteem of any child to have unrealistic expectations set for them. I predict that the lower functioning reg ed students along with any child with a disability will be so frustrated and feel so dumb and discouraged they will drop out of school at 16.

I am not supporting the program I just through their little slips away. I told my son not to worry about the points it does not mean anything. I am going to get him out of the school as soon as I can.

[dwolen]

Regarding FASD, I am reading Damaged Angels (1997) by B. Buxton, very informative.
Tahnk goodness your son has such wonderful advocates for parents, with such a good understanding of his situation.

[hope4all]

Thanks everyone once again for all your help and support. Instead trying to fight the district for what ds needs I am transferring him to a private school that will meet his needs. There are reg and special education students attending this school. It seems like a good fit.
peg and dwolen I am looking into FASD. It is a definite possibility.