PTSD - adoption - learning disability

[fc11]

Hi Everyone,
I haven't been updating as I am fighting with the sd while educating my DD who was adopted at 15 months.

Recently, her private tutor mentioned PTSD and suggested me to look into whether it is related to her learning disabilities. I think the frustration part is that every evaluator told me that there is no reason for her not to be able to learn independently, but I knew that without the support, she will be getting Ds and Fs. She is not performing at grade level as a 9th grader. I doubt she is performing at 6th grade, but she has decent score in the WJ-III, she has WISC as well.. I am done with testing.

Based on everything I read about PTSD, it made sense...she cried a lot when she came home and didn't eat any solid food for a few months, I knew I have to bring her to see a psychologist specialized in adoption.. but I hope to know what kind of treatments and therapy will be helpful..... I suspect she won't remember the traumatic experience, but then I suspect it is affecting her... how can a psychologist even able to help her???

They gave me no choice but to file DP.

[empeg1]

FC11- How old was your dd when she came home? Do you have information on the pregnancy and her birth mother? I am often unwanted when I bring up the following issue. But, the incidence of FASD in adoption is 30%, a very large number. The range of effects with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders is very wide, from severe to quite mild. And, an "atypical" pattern of learning disabilities is what is found. In fact, testing higher than one can perform on a daily basis is a well known symptom of FASD. My oldest is a poster child for this. She graduated high school and was on an IEP for learning disabilities, but the SD never understood her learning difficulties and never served her well. In fact, my dd is very bright, with scores in Similarities and Block Design above the 99th% (scaled scores:19).

[fc11]

empeg1,

I am so glad you responded as I knew your DDs were adopted.
She came home at around 15 months. I doubt it is FASD, it was China adoption...
PTSD was brought up by her private tutor, I think she saw DD as a challenge and when she couldn't get to her, she began to look for reason...I don't think the tutor knew anything about language processing etc...but I began to read about PTSD and adoption and the impact on learning, it seems to be right on... but then I am just now sure how therapy would work as the child would have no memory of the traumatic experience....

[bros]

www.rainbowkids.com/expertarticledetails.aspx?id=116

[fc11]

bros
thanks. it was the first link I found and it scared me to death.
I re-read after your post and then I went to attach-china.org, then found out it recommended a treatment called Holding which is highly controversial. It was also a reason I want to do my research before seeing a psychologist

[empeg1]

Actually fc11, my youngest is also adopted, from China. She was in an orphanage, as I assume your dd was, at least for part of the time. Here are somethings that may have happened to your dd. Staffing in the orphanages were often not enough to give the stimulation needed for infants. So, in my youngest dd's orphanage, she wasn't held by staff. And, the "formula" was the equivalent of coffee mate. We were pioneers, as my dd is 20 years old. But, the mortality rate in my dd's orphanage was over 50%. My dd was in the orphanage only for 2 months when I brought her home. Yet, I know that she lacked holding, stimulation and food during the above time. She was in a life threatening situation for all of the 2 months. I see her nervous system set on high arousal since then. Much neurological development of the cortex occurs post birth and without nurturing, holding, stimulation and, most of all, attachment, the development of the brain will be affected.

How much did your dd weigh when she came home. Was she in an urban orphanage or a rural one? I do know our kids survived a period of high, ongoing stress and circumstances that did not foster attachment. It is attachment that today is thought to be the driving force of brain development in infancy. So, there are sequelae of such an experience. My dd has anxiety and sleep difficulties, a kindled response to stress that is still present 20 years later.

Please do not use the Holding treatment. It is controversial for a reason and has been quite discredited. Nuture your dd. Provide consistent attention and attachment. Have firm and clear boundaries as well as routine, which can be reassuring. Your dd likely went through sustained trauma. And, when she came home to you, everything she ever knew changed, sights, sounds, touch, smell, everything. Even as a 2 month old infant, my dd shut down when she came home. It took a year for her to be comfortable for me to hold her and have her face me. She didn't cry like your dd; she turned inward. I was patient with her, titrating my attention to her with what she could tolerate without being overwhelmed. And, my plan to return to work after a month was abandoned; my dd was not in the shape to go into childcare. She needed a consistent, single attachment figure who would be available all of the time.

BTW, my youngest had difficulty with the acquisition of language as a preschooler. Today, she still has mild receptive language difficulties. And, she is a wonderful, thoughtful, independent young woman.

[fc11]

May 30, 2013 22:49:15 GMT -5 empeg1 said:

Much neurological development of the cortex occurs post birth and without nurturing, holding, stimulation and, most of all, attachment, the development of the brain will be affected.
.

I am kicking myself for not knowing at the time....I went back to work shortly after we came home. I wish I can go back to change everything I did.

I was aware of the potential bonding issue, hence I hold her as much as I could then I became her "slave"....setting boundaries is a challenge for me
The adoption issue was recently brought up by one of my evaluators, he suggested me to look into it.. Then last week, her private tutor brought up PTSD... and I found out it may affect learning..

How did you find out your DD has anxiety issue? I have no doubt my sd is going to tell me that she does not have anxiety issue...
If I read it correctly, your DD didn't receive any therapy, right? but with a lot of love from you...that's what I have been thinking...how can therapy work if she has no memory of the traumatic experience?
Before her tutor looked into PTSD, she suggested me to look into Sand Play therapy, she felt that DD is not making connection to her inner self...instead of teaching her how to write, say a persuasive essay, she asked her to write about her travel, her own experience...

She is going to 10th grade, and I think I need to do something drastic...I will continue to fight with the sd, but they won't be teaching her..

[empeg1]

Fc11, please don't blame yourself. Also, my dd did have therapy and she was not ready for it. However, she did do a course of neurofeedback last summer and experienced both a decrease in anxiety and she started sleeping through the night, for the 1st time in 20 years.

I think my dd's sympathetic nervous system is simply set on high from her experience in the orphanage. The human brain goes into high arousal-fight-flight- when survival is threatened. And, it was in my dd's orphanage. As I wrote about, she seems to have a kindled response to stress- she reacts quickly and strongly.

I would not jump too quickly about adoption issues. Folks have this knee jerk reaction about the "trauma of adoption". I do not buy into the above. But, a child who came home at 15 months did experience attachment loss (if attachment had occurred to someone in the orphanage). Also, a tutor is not a clinical psychologist. So, do not react. Observe your dd first.

My daughter having anxiety would have been hard to miss. She was not sleeping. She had panic attacks during exams. Lots of crying at home. And, then she was bullied severely in middle school; the latter brought me to a therapist;s office for dd.

With a teen, it is really important to set boundaries, expectations and limits. For one, your dd in a few years will launch from home. She needs to be able to take care of herself. And, young people develop a sense of self partially from being able to do so. That and you want to give her freedom, to make her own decisions, to be with friends, and you want to have limits in place to keep her safe, or try to.

Remind me again the difficulty your dd is having in school.

[fc11]

DD is in 9th grade, the teachers told me she is a very concrete thinker, she has great memory and memorizes the material. Say this year, I did not help her with her Social Studies, she didn't understand what the teacher taught even she has 1:1 pre-teaching. She has CAPD a few years ago, phonemic awareness deficit, which improved a lot after FFW and LMB 2 years ago. When she was younger, she didn't watch TV, but after FFW, she began to watch TV. Neuropsych told me her working memory is weak hence it is difficult for her to follow a passage. She works very hard, but I can see she struggles if I were to ask her to summarize a story.

I have been going back and forth in whether to try Cogmed, because she has a good memory, hence I suspect Cogmed may not be right for her...
A few months ago, one of DD's evaluators suggested me to look into adoption issues, but he admitted that he is not a psychologist. He wrote a very strong report basically said that there was no reason DD could not be independent, it echoed what every of my evaluator told me. He indicated that her difficulty is in language processing. A previous evaluator and many of her teachers told me that she lacks critical thinking skill. I understand this tutor is not a psychologist, but she was a lawyer, I never asked her why she didn't practice law, but a reason I hired her was because I think, by nature of her profession, she will be able to help her to think critically. I knew I did, say I taught her Darwin's theory, when I realized she wasn't able to analyze, I began to talk to her about cause and effect and it clicked. I could see the tutor took an interest on DD, she tried to use different approaches to work with her....

I began to read about PTSD, and I can see many of the symptoms now, she cried a lot when she came home, there were a few times she was calm when I put her in the car seat, then suddenly she began to cry, struggle out of the car seat, stand behind me, I had to park the car to the side of the road and wait for her to stop crying and holding her as tight as I could. I still do not know what triggered the crying. She only drank milk when she came home.

We sent her to a number of activities when she was between 3 to 7, I could see she acted as if not knowing what was going on, say in tennis, the coach asked all the kids to move forward, she followed, then when the coach asked the kids to move further to mid-court, she would stay behind, not moving a single step. I regret I didn't look deeper into the reason...

[empeg1]

Fc11: Sometimes kids are more concrete thinkers. Why not talk to your dd about everyday events and she how she applies problem solving to what she knows best? BTW, my youngest also has mild receptive language difficulties and decrease gestalt (big picture) thinking. What will help my dd the most will be for her to develop strategies that match how she learns. In particular, active learning techniques will help. But, the above will have to be what she wants to do.
I would not go from one suggestion to the other. If Cogmed does not seem right for your dd, don't do it. And, will your dd talk to you about her adoption? My dd did when she was little and then so much as a teen. This was developmentally normal. And, then she surprised me as a senior in high school. She wrote about being adopted for the admissions essay for college and the questions she had about herself and how she viewed herself by those questions. It was a very insightful, moving essay. One college advisor contacted my daughter and told her that the college was admitting her on the basis of that essay; they wanted her as their student because of it. As a college student, she took classes in Chinese history, religion and culture, topics she would not go near as a child. But now, her interest is HERS. And, my dd feels strong enough at 20 to explore what happened to her. So sometimes, exploration and healing occurs when the child or adult is ready and in its own time.
As I mentioned, my dd could not sit with me and face me for a year after she came home. She would avert her head or simply cry. I followed her lead and would sit her in my lap and face her outward and played with her that way, slowly getting her used to more stimulation. Conditions in the orphanages could be quite bad.

[fc11]

I did try to talk to her on everyday event and I thought it was a great idea, but that I have not been consistent.
After LMB, I tried to watch news with her, and in the last year, I tried cnn.com, I would send her links to some news but I sometimes I didn't follow up to talk to her.

What strategy does your DD use? Active learning is a problem for her. The teachers always ask her to make connection when she reads and when she learns, but the question is how? I tried to get her to relate the reading to her experience etc, but she was not able to do it independently. Her tutor talked to me yesterday, when she asked DD what she wanted to do when she grew up, or what she liked and disliked, DD had no idea...

She never wanted to talk about her adoption, she turned away whenever we brought up the subject

I will bring this up to her psychologist when I meet with her psychologist

[empeg1]

FC11, with my 20-year-old, she does not have a learning disability. She does have a pattern of learning strengths and weaknesses. We all do. She has difficulty with big picture or gestalt thinking. The above is more right brain functioning, which I find interesting, given her experience in the orphanage. In the first year of life, it is the right hemisphere that is online, not the left. It is also the right hemisphere that is involved in processing of emotions, body sensations, registering "danger", etc. So, part of me wonders whether or not the life threatening experience of the orphanage contributed to some damage of the developing right hemisphere during those early months of such deprivation and threat to survival.

Be that as it may, my dd's difficulty with big picture thinking is a learning style. One approach that can help, with textbook reading and comprehension is SQR3. I taught my daughter never to read a textbook. Our memory system works such that short term memory only last 3 seconds. If we do not "do" something to manipulate the information coming in, well, the information goes out. So before a textbook is "read", the student previews the text by looking at all bold print, pictures and captions, vocabulary and questions at the end of the chapter. Then, again before reading, the student asks herself, what do I know about this topic? Or, the student tries to predict what the text will be about. The idea is to activate long term memory before reading. Our memory system works so that new information is incorporated into what we already know. I use the analogy of a file cabinet. Asking the question, what do I already know about a topic before reading, opens up a file in long term memory. When long term memory is not activated, well bye bye goes the information.

I then suggest that the student read with the questions at the back of the chapter in front of them. Read only a small portion of a chapter, for instance, one section, at a time. Otherwise, it will simply be information overload and again what is read will go bye bye. If you can, buy the textbooks for your daughter used, so she mark the text. Vocabulary can be underlined in one color. Answers to questions in the back of the chapter underlined in another color (these questions are typically the main idea). If the teacher has questions for the students to answer, make sure your daughter reads a text with those questions in front of her.

After reading a small section of text, have your daughter write a summary of what she read in her own words. If she cannot do this without help, then you read the text as well as her and the two of you discuss, briefly, the main ideas and then have your daughter write a summary. If need be, give her an a brief outline for your daughter to feel in the important details, if she needs the above to begin to learn how to summarize what she wrote. But the summary in HER words is crucial.

Then go on to another class for homework. Do not continue to read the textbook. Your daughter can go back to the text book after doing another assignment. A break is needed.

Index cards can be reviewed every night for no more than 15 minutes. Your daughter can write key terms and concepts, one per card, with the name of the term or concept on one side of the index card and the definition, in her words, on the other side and a drawing of the term or concept. Have your daughter look over these cards 5 nights a week for 15 minutes. Once the test comes, the information will be practiced over time and in long term storage.

Finally, take a deep breath. How many 14 or 15 year olds know what they want to do when they are adults? Not many. Does your dd have things she likes to do that are not connected to school? Perhaps emphasizing the above will help her to develop a broader picture of herself, especially if school is not a place where she can develop a sense of self competence. Does your dd love music? Is she athletic? Does she love to be with friends? Is she artistic? Is SHE interested in politics (so does she want to watch the news or was that your idea)? Does your daughter like to dance?

My youngest developed a love of running in 8th grade. In HS, she joined the cross country team; it was a place for her to identify with in HS... I am a cross country runner, and running helped her anxiety. She also liked to rock climb and kayak. My youngest also took photography in HS; her choice, for two years. She loved it and, interestingly, it helped her ability to make pictures in her own mind. Let your daughter choose and explore, the latter is important in adolescence, as teens develop a sense of self. Exploring and doing will be more important than talking about, as she finds out for herself, what she is good at and what she enjoys (and does not enjoy).

So, you may want to hit me for what I am about to write, but I am a bit concerned about the level of your anxiety about your daughter. She will pick up on the above.

And, some kids will talk about adoption and others do not. Neither is pathological. My daughter did not talk about adoption past her very early years. And, she did not want to go to China when friends did. She refused to attend summer camps about Chinese culture, etc. Then she wrote that insightful essay for college admission, about the questions she had about who she was from her adoption in each stage of her childhood. I cried when I read it. The essay was almost poetic. So, quietly, all by herself, she was coming to terms with her adoption, birthmother, country of origin, all the questions she had that could not be answered, and who she was. Not bad for an 18-year-old. And, yes, she still has difficulty with big picture thinking and she will likely always have the above as a learning weakness. Me, I have no spatial reasoning. Take the ring off of my left hand and I have no idea what is right or left. Never have me be "navigator" in a car.....

[fc11]

empeg1,

thanks. It helps.
Incidentally, the private tutor also told me that she didn't think DD has a disability, but the problem is that her comprehension is much below grade level. Say, I am not helping her with Social Studies this year, and despite she has 1:1, she was totally clueless on what was going on, and has been getting Ds and Cs. She works hard, but just didn't get the material.
At 9th grade, I think her writing is below a regular 6th grader. I just don't see how she can go to college.

I think the SRQ3 is a good idea, but they have not been consistent in teaching her, and there was no goals. As she had LMB, hence I asked her to summarize each paragraph, or a page, or even a chapter, but the school is not requiring, hence as a typical teenager (her psychologist told me) would, she took the easy route...
She is not doing any school activities, because (a) she spent way too much time on homework (b) they put her in the lowest level course (a reason for my DP), despite she spent the past summer to work on the regular ed Science...hence she felt that she was dumb and everybody knows about it (her words)

[empeg1]

fc11, your wrote that your private tutor asked your dd about what she likes and what she wants to do as an adult. Your dd couldn't answer and no wonder. All she does is school, where she is struggling and where she cannot develop a well-rounded sense of herself. It is a common problem for school to take over the lives of teens, especially if the teen is struggling in school. Please, your job is to think of the whole child. So, this summer, my strong recommendation is that your dd does NOTHING related to school. If she is enrolled in summer school, take her out of it!

What does your dd like. Is she an animal lover? If she is, there are great opportunities for teens to volunteer at animal rescue programs or shelters. She can even approach a local vet and ask about volunteering if the vet office. Volunteer work is a chance to develop a resume. Even more important, for kids who struggle with school, work becomes a place where they can develop a sense of competence, being needed and responsibility. What your want for your dd is the opportunity to experience is that sense of competence!

Is your dd athletic? Does she like dance? Is she interested in acting? Does she like to make jewelry (and wear it)? Is she artistic? Does your dd like to swim and could she be a junior life guard? Does your dd love the outdoors and would she like to join a teen hiking group or environmental group? Does she like horses and could she volunteer at a stable and offer to ride horses for owners? There are many opportunities for your dd to explore. Each one will provide her with the chance to learn about herself. As I mentioned, my dd tried track in the 8th grade, loved it and went into cross country in high school. And, she was good at it and found a place to belong at her HS and a place where she could shine and get recognition. The above was worth more than many sessions of therapy or tutoring. And, she worked as a junior counselor for summer camps where she met other teens from all over the bay Area- a very diverse group of friends. Again, a chance to learn competence and to feel that she did a good job! It sounds like your dd needs the above more than anything right now. It is your job to give her the opportunity to do this and our job to protect her ability to do so.

SQR3, I did not think that your school would do this. Is the private tutor an educational specialist or LD specialist? If she is solely a tutor, you may be wasting your money. You want someone who recognizes your dd learning style and who can teach and reinforce strategies which will assist her access the curriculum. The use of index cards I mentioned in an earlier post was taught to my dd by an educational consultant when dd was in Geometry in the 10th gave and not passing the class. DD didn't listen to this educational specialist for awhile. And, then it became clear to her that what she was doing was not working. Then she began to use the index cards as I described and her test grades went to B's. My role? I just kept saying to my dd when she failed a test, well Allan (the educational specialist) gave you a way to study that will probably work better. It is your choice to continue to fail or try what he is telling you to do. She hated when I said the above and she finally came to the same conclusion.

Too much homework, yeah it is a big problem in HS. I do not recommend that your dd take any AP or honors classes. My dd didn't. As for college, remember there is more than one path to success. Does your dd want to go to college right out of HS? Maybe she will want to work for a year. And, there is community college, where HS grades do not count. And, there are technical programs that offer great jobs. Also, there is a wide range of colleges. So, breathe and try to introduce your dd to alternatives. Right now, she might just feel trapped. Finally, I am not above the idea of helping a teen who is struggling to finish homework in a timely manner. I did so with my youngest dd and I helped her study as well. Today she does her work without me. We live 550 miles apart!

I also hope that an educational therapist working with your dd will introduce her to the concept of multiple intelligences. School taps only logical-mathematical intelligence. Think of dancer who might not do well in Biology but who is gifted in kinesthetic intelligence. Or, the artist who is a genius in her work. I think many kids are hands on learners; for them, school is a desert. But adult life offers opportunities. My oldest dd is a gifted hands on learner. Show her once and have her do it once and she will be competent immediately. Not me.

Most of all, your dd needs a chance to find what she is good at and what she loves. Please this is important to her life as an adult and her growing sense of self now. Adolescence is a time of great change and exploration. Give your dd the gift of time to explore and find herself.

My youngest is at a good university which she loves. And, she is having difficulty with some of her classes. But... and this is an important but, she is quite an accomplished young woman. She has a clear goal for what she wants to do. My dd loves her independence. She makes decisions on her own, handles relationships well, manages money without assistance,is an excellent advocate for herself, and she goes after what she wants. My daughter finds time to volunteer in her community and is a thoughtful individual who expresses gratitude for all that she has. She is growing into quite a competent adult. And, school is only one part of her. That, I think, is a good goal for your dd, to make school only one part of the young woman she is becoming.

[fc11]

empeg1
good advice... I am at a crossroads...and am seriously considering placing her in a private school..my concern with the private school is that the curriculum is not demanding...has a high percentage of international students and very expensive ....but probably it is a place that may give her a chance to learn...she will be required to join afterschool activities because it is part of the program...but the school is also know for performing arts, and DD just hates it...but who knows...

in 6th grade, the teacher told me she used SQR3, but I have no doubt that she just wrote it in the IEP to make it look good...she skates competitively and does horseback riding, but both are outside of school and her teammates were 1 to 2 years younger than her...I want so much for her to feel she belongs to the HS, but she does not have to have anything to do with school when she was placed in the lowest level class, it was also a reason I filed complaint against the school.

ironically, it was the tutor who asked me to look into PTSD also told me that she didn't feel continue to teach her reading and writing will help her too much, she suggested to work with her to bring out her inner feeling. DD also has another tutor who has been helping her with her school work, it wasn't my plan, I have asked that she focus on her critical thinking skill, but she kept on asking her to read and read and read...the problem is that it is very difficult to find such a tutor...

I also considered community college, but I briefly worked as a lecturer at a local U, the problem with community college is that it does not teach basic skill in reading and writing, if it does, it does not address disabilities, nor learning style. The graduation rate is less than 50%..Yes, it may help her to move up her grade and get accepted to a college, but she will still have a problem in College as she does not know how to learn.

She wants to be a vet, I did look into volunteer work for her, but it is very difficult in this area, I also looked into the summer programs but those programs normally require high GPA or at least a junior.

May be I am just stubborn, I believe in public school and that she gets more services in public school

[bros]

www.volunteernewjersey.org/
www.jerseycares.org/
www.volunteermatch.org/

[healthy11]

My nephew, a straight-A student with no LDs who already earned an engineering degree, recently decided he wants to become a vet...He is not even finding it easy to get admitted to veterinary schools. humanesocietyuniversity.org/careers/about/industries/vet_medicine.aspx says, "you don't have to be a veterinarian to help improve animal health. Clinics and other places that employ veterinarians also hire other types of workers such as

Veterinary technologists
Veterinary assistants
Animal caretakers
Animal behaviorists
Pharmacologists
Business managers
Clerical workers
Research biologists
Acupuncturists

Education and Background

Students interested in a career in veterinary medicine should take science and math courses in junior and high school. Most students who decide to pursue this career obtain a three or four year college degree in a biological science and then go on to veterinary school. Completion of preveterinary requirements established by each veterinary college does not guarantee admission, which is highly competitive. In 1998 about one in three applicants were accepted into veterinary school.

There are 27 schools of veterinary medicine in the United States accredited by the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA). Most are located at state universities, and residents of that state make up the largest number of applicants accepted. In most colleges of veterinary medicine, the professional program lasts four years. In the beginning, most of the students' time is spent in the classroom and laboratory studying such subjects as anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, and microbiology. These are followed by courses in pathology, radiology, anesthesiology, surgery, preventive medicine, diseases, toxicology, professional ethics, and business practices in the classroom and through hands-on clinical experience.

Students who receive a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine (D.V.M.) or Veterinary Medical Doctor (V.M.D. is conferred by the University of Pennsylvania) degree from an accredited college of veterinary medicine must pass standardized national exams as well as state exams before being licensed to practice veterinary medicine. Veterinarians must pass the state exam and be licensed in each state in which they practice. To maintain their licenses, veterinarians may be required to attend continuing education courses.

Learn more about careers in veterinary medicine:

Check out these Suggested Readings:

Sirch, Willow Ann. 2000. Careers with Animals. Fulcrum. (Part Two: Careers in Veterinary Medicine).

Croke, Vicki. 2000. Animal ER: Extraordinary Stories of Hope and Healing. Plume Books.

Gutkind, Lee. 1998. The Veterinarian's Touch: Profiles of a Life Among Animals. Owl Books.

Karesh, William. 2000. Appointment at the Ends of the World: Memoirs of a Wildlife Veterinarian. Warner Books.

Visit a local veterinary clinic and speak to one of the veterinarians. Are there volunteer or paid positions available?
Find out if the closest veterinary school offers tours. Talk to an admissions counselor to see what it takes to qualify for admission.
Check web sites of veterinary medical groups to learn more about career prospects, professional publications, annual meetings, local workshops, and job openings.
American Association of Wildife Veterinarians
American Veterinary Medical Association
Humane Society Veterinary Medical Association (HSVMA)
Student American Veterinary Medical Association (USA)
International Veterinary Student Association

www.humanesocietyuniversity.org/careers/employment/

[empeg1]

I second Healthy, there are choices. One can be a vet technician. One can be a vet surgical technician. And, in the adult world, our kids have to learn that just because they want to do something it does not mean they will be able to do so. My youngest dd wanted to major in Business, but the program at her university is just too difficult for her. She was upset. She cried. And, then I asked her how could she look at alternatives and gather information. Her uncle talked to her. My dd went to 2 sorority sisters who are Business majors and then to one sister who also had to change, to a more general major in the college. She also went to a Business professor, a teacher with whom she talked quite a bit. And, my dd changed her major to General Social Science major with an emphasis in business and economics. Was the above easy for her (or me)? No. But, my dd learned several important adult lessons about being flexible, how to go about making an important decision, how to gather needed information and how to think in "the grey" and no black and white. All very very important skills for a successful adulthood.

Please, if your dd hates arts, music, drama and dance, do NOT put her into a private school for the arts. She will be the odd man out with her peers in such a school. And, she will be forced to take a lot of classes which she dislikes. At this point, I would begin to ask dd what she wants to do. Listen to her. Being heard is one way that we all begin to feel competent. I do not know if you live in an urban area, but sometimes there are charter school choices that also offer alternatives, in smaller schools, with no tuition. But, do not make a decision for your dd and not involve her in the choice. You disempower your dd when you do that and the above is the opposite of what you are trying to do for her.

If your daughter has activities outside of school, that's fine. It does not have to be in school clubs or activities. Some kids just never "bond" with the high school experience. I sure didn't. I couldn't get out of HS fast enough! And, colleges do not stress remedial learning unless you are going to save your money and have your dd apply to Landmark College for after HS, which will address learning styles. . Most of the time, community colleges offer the best range of remedial classes (more than 4 year institutions). Colleges are just focused on teaching basic reading skills. That and in community college, your dd would not have to take a full load of classes, especially in the beginning. She could go part time and work. Again, there are choices. Breathe and try to panic less. One choice might also be a technical college program, in the area of animal care.

If your dd loves animals, there are animal rescue programs that train teens and then have them do volunteer work. What a good idea for your dd this summer. But, you do NOT call. Your dd does. It is important to begin to think, how can i empower my daughter? Also, is there a zoo in your area. Where i live, the Oakland Zoo has a camp for teenagers where they work with zoo keepers with the animals. My oldest took that camp and absolutely loved it!! BTW, why not have your dd go on the internet to see what education a zoo keeper must have? Finally, volunteer work does not require GPA's. Don't look for specialized programs, like at colleges, etc. Look for a chance to go to the SPCA and volunteer.

[empeg1]

oops, colleges are just not focus on teaching basic reading skills.

[fc11]

bros,
thanks for the link. I was about to find something that may be suitable for her, but may not be this summer. I have already registered her for a summer course, then LMB.

healthy,
I understand she does not have to be a vet to work with animals, I believed you told me in the past as well. For all honesty, I think it is very unlikely for her to be accepted to the program unless she goes out of the country which I won't be able to afford, but I hate to take away this option from her and not give her a chance. She may realize the difficulty along the way, but it is too early for me to redirect her.... A reason for me to look for summer program is to give her an opportunity to find out whether vet is for her. Another reason I don't want to take it away from her is that this is the only career she could tell me what she wanted. If someone were to ask her what she likes or dislikes, she is not able to answer...My immediate concern is not vet school, but whether she can go to college... Yes, I also questions whether college is for everyone, but I just thought it should be her decision....May be I am wrong, but I was sad, when at 5th grade, two of her classmates in the special ed class already decided not going to college. Trust me, they just learned differently not that they couldn't learn. I could see the girls gave up..They saw no reason to study and they were killing time, waiting to "finish" high school. (I don't want to give up unless I try). My immediate concern is whether she can even go to college...

empeg1,
you gave me a lot to think about....DH also suggested community college, here is my thinking... If she has a chance to learn it now, why wait? .isn't it better to learn when they were young? If she were to go to private school, I won't be able to send her to Landmark...Currently, she is not learning, she works hard, she memorizes..it is just reinforcing an incorrect "learning" habit...why should I waste her three more years? I should have sent her three years ago..The older she gets, the more difficult for her to learns.. She is not benefitting by sitting in her current classroom. In this area, I don't think our community colleges truly remediate, their solution, and similar to my current sd, is to put the kids to the lowest level classes...

However, as you pointed out, the high school study may not be all she needs...there are many things to learn... hence I am inclined to think that the private school may be appropriate for her... My initial concerns, besides the expense, are the less demanding curriculum, the high percentage of international students, but it may give her time to learn the basics..then after she learns how to learn, she can continue for a community college to make up for the grade, make sense?? The problem with a high percentage of international students is that the students do not come here for the academics, but for the language. Our tour guide in one of the schools we visited told us that she came her for 9th grade while she already finished 10th grade back home...Hence it may not be a good mix, but it seems to be quite common for many of the very small all-girls boarding schools.
Ideally, I prefer her to stay in the public school, I even willing to pay for her services, but they refused to put her in the higher level class, therefore she is stilling with many of those kids who already gave up, some played games and some even slept in class...

[empeg1]

A boarding school? Really? Please be careful about a boarding school for your adopted daughter. If she does not want to leave home, I would not push it! If you feel that she may have issues re PTSD and abandonment, then being sent away from home could possibly trigger all kinds of issues. Not what you want.

Isn't there a choice of schools in your area? Have you looked at charter high schools? Look up All Kinds of Minds schools, to see if there is one in your area. Is there a private school for kids with learning disabilities in your area or even driving distance? I would hesitate long and hard about a boarding school, as that choice may come with a lot of baggage for your dd. Then too, I do not think you will find teachers at this private school who will understand how your daughter learns any more than what you are already finding. I would be inclined to look for a private LD school, one where she can live at home and then go to school.

Have you considered home schooling? For the amount of money you would be spending for boarding school you could hire, not tutors, but trained specialists. Your daughter could then become involved with a number of programs in the community. Perhaps she could volunteer at a vet office. My youngest was an intern at the Lawrence Hall of Science at UC Berkeley for 4 years. She did a lot of hands on learning there, which would probably be a fit for your dd and she met kids from all over the Bay Area. Look to see what is offered in your area that might interest your dd and which could expand her world.

Finally, I see you have her signed up for school this summer. I still want to put forth the idea of a break from school for your daughter. There is a lot for her to learn outside of school!!

I have a daughter who lived in a boarding program for two years. It raised so many issues with abandonment in my adopted daughter. Caveat Emptor.

[bros]

Jun 5, 2013 0:37:16 GMT -5 empeg1 said:

A boarding school? Really? Please be careful about a boarding school for your adopted daughter. If she does not want to leave home, I would not push it! If you feel that she may have issues re PTSD and abandonment, then being sent away from home could possibly trigger all kinds of issues. Not what you want.

Isn't there a choice of schools in your area? Have you looked at charter high schools? Look up All Kinds of Minds schools, to see if there is one in your area. Is there a private school for kids with learning disabilities in your area or even driving distance? I would hesitate long and hard about a boarding school, as that choice may come with a lot of baggage for your dd. Then too, I do not think you will find teachers at this private school who will understand how your daughter learns any more than what you are already finding. I would be inclined to look for a private LD school, one where she can live at home and then go to school.

Have you considered home schooling? For the amount of money you would be spending for boarding school you could hire, not tutors, but trained specialists. Your daughter could then become involved with a number of programs in the community. Perhaps she could volunteer at a vet office. My youngest was an intern at the Lawrence Hall of Science at UC Berkeley for 4 years. She did a lot of hands on learning there, which would probably be a fit for your dd and she met kids from all over the Bay Area. Look to see what is offered in your area that might interest your dd and which could expand her world.

Finally, I see you have her signed up for school this summer. I still want to put forth the idea of a break from school for your daughter. There is a lot for her to learn outside of school!!

I have a daughter who lived in a boarding program for two years. It raised so many issues with abandonment in my adopted daughter. Caveat Emptor.

NJ has a lot of good schools for students with disabilities... just not many for students with learning disabilities.

Autism? Sure. There are even excellent charter schools for Autism in NJ.

Downs/CP/other intellectual disability? A whole slew of private schools that any district will ship a kid off to

ED? Many schools throughout the state for that with top notch care.

LDs, not so much, unless you want the child to be in a very.. low environment

[momfromma]

fc11,

I just noticed your comment about community college and I wanted to chime in with my sons' experience. Obviously, every community college teacher are not equal, and some are better than others, but, our experience is that most of these teachers are more in tune with the needs of kids like ours than the average university teacher.

My youngest has taken 4 classes there, 3 while in HS and 1 this year for History (a topic he has a lot of trouble with, for reasons similar to your daughter). His reading class was good and interesting for him, and he actually made progress. The two other classes were a topic of interest for him, music. This summer, he is taking history with the hope he can get a C and transfer it for credit. For the first time since 9th grade, he has gotten a passing grade for his test (a C), and got a shock because his test was not multiple choice and because the teacher actually commented on the paper (my son was shocked teachers would do that because in his college, most papers are term papers and you just get the grade).

I do not know if your daughter is ready for community college, but when she is, you may want to consider it.

[healthy11]

I'll also add that my son was able to take several classes at our local community college during the summers, which later transferred to his 4-year university. It was definitely easier for him to take certain subjects at the cc that he wasn't strong in (ie, English, since he's dyslexic) because they did seem to have more understanding and available support. As momfromma mentioned, I think community college teachers see a greater "cross-section" of students than university professors, and are more in tune with their needs.

[hsmom]

The following list comes from U of Michigan's Dyslexia Help site. The Northeast section has names of schools (both day and boarding) for students with learning disabilities, including several in New Jersey.




Independent Schools for Students with Learning Disabilities



NORTHEAST

Barnstable Academy

Location: Oakland, New Jersey
Website: www.barnstableacademy.com
Mission: Barnstable Academy, since its inception in 1978, has tried to maximize the potential of each student by enhancing self-esteem and providing a high-quality, academically-oriented education in which the student can be recognized and supported.
About the School: Barnstable offers support and direction to students from middle school through high school, and then directs students to a college, university, or other continuing education setting where they can continue to succeed.


The Craig School

Location: Mountain Lakes, New Jersey
Website: www.craigschool.org
Mission: The mission of The Craig School is to provide students with a strategy-based, comprehensive and challenging school experience that acknowledges their learning disabilities, builds on their aptitudes, and strengthens their self-awareness and self-esteem. They help parents assess their child's true potential and understand the nature of learning disabilities, and provide families with an internal support network within the Craig community.
About the School: Founded in 1980, The Craig School is an independent, non-profit school responding to the needs of students in 3rd through 12th grades who have diagnosed learning disabilities or difficulty succeeding in a traditional classroom setting.


Eagle Hill School

Location: Hardwick, Massachusetts
Website: www.ehs1.org
Mission: Eagle Hill School educates students with learning (dis)abilities by providing an intimate and encouraging community that honors the individual, values learning diversity, and fosters personal and social growth.
About the School: Eagle Hill School believes that every student can learn; that every person who interacts with a student is a teacher; that learning differently demands teaching differently; and much more.


The Forman School

Location: Litchfield, Connecticut
Website: www.formanschool.org
Mission: The Forman School is an independent, coeducational, college preparatory school for boarding and day students grades 9 through 12 with identified learning differences. Based on his or her unique learning profile, Forman develops the whole student so that every graduate becomes an educated, confident, self-advocate throughout life.
About the School: Forman is a dynamic community where students learn to recognize their own merit and develop an appreciation for challenges as opportunities. Faculty and students nurture growth and a love of learning in a culture of caring. A Forman education provides the foundation for a lifetime of personal achievement and service to others.



The Kildonan School

Location: Amenia, New York
Website: www.kildonan.org
Mission: The Kildonan School empowers students with dyslexia to regain confidence and exercise their strengths. Daily one-to-one language tutorials complement an innovative, challenging curriculum that inspires students to love learning while preparing for college and beyond.
About the School: Kildonan's core one-to-one Orton-Gillingham tutorials, small class sizes, multisensory instruction, and programming that elicits student strengths and builds self-esteem, are all important ingredients of empowering students with dyslexia to reach their academic potential and equip them for future success.


Landmark School

Location: Beverly, Massachusetts
Website: www.landmarkschool.org
About the School: Landmark School was founded in 1971 by Charles “Chad” Drake with the goal of educating students whose reading, writing, spelling, and mathematical skills did not match their thinking and problem-solving capacities. Most called these children dyslexic or learning-disabled. Chad saw their promise, and called them bright and capable. Today Landmark is recognized internationally as a leader in the field of language-based learning disabilities.


The Lewis School

Location: Princeton, New Jersey
Website: www.lewisschool.org
Mission: Education is designed to discover and cultivate each student's unique potential and character and should be made available in a school that functions as a vigorous, diverse, and integrated educational community of programs and support for all members.
About the School: All language and learning skills are taught using a multi-sensory, sequential approach. During the early morning hours between 8:30 and 10:30, every student, regardless of age, begins preparing the brain by studying the mechanics of language, adapted appropriately for the student's age and current level of ability. This includes reading, writing, spelling, listening comprehension, auditory sequencing, active working memory, visual-motor discrimination, and decoding and encoding skills, presented in sequential sensory specific increments, one step at a time. These skills carry over into all classes and all subjects during the rest of the day.


Maplebrook School

Location: Amenia, New York
Website: www.maplebrookschool.org
Mission: The mission of Maplebrook School is to provide quality academic programs for youngsters with learning differences, and/or who may exhibit a learning disorder. Through small group and individualized instruction, the student will be assisted in reaching his/her academic, social, vocational and physical potential. In addition, the caring, supportive and home-like environment provides the necessary experiences to allow youngsters the opportunity to assume a more independent role in society.
About the School: Maplebrook is a coeducational boarding and day school for children with learning disabilities. Maplebrook is dedicated to enriching students’ academic, athletic, and artistic skills in addition to helping children grow in character.


The Newgrange School

Location: Hamilton, New Jersey
Website: www.thenewgrange.org
Mission: The Mission of Newgrange is to empower people with learning disabilities to become educated and vital members of society and to significantly improve education in this country.
About the School: Newgrange is a nonprofit educational institution with over 30 years experience providing learning opportunities to students with learning and related differences. Under the leadership of Dr. Gordon Sherman, Executive Director, Newgrange is an internationally known and respected educational institution for people with learning disabilities.


Orchard Friends School

Location: Riverton, New Jersey
Website: www.orchardfriends.org
Mission: Orchard Friends School is dedicated to the education of children with language-based learning differences. Part of their goal is to create an environment in which students learn academically in a positive environment that fosters basic acceptance of and value for each student as an individual.
About the School: Orchard Friends School was founded in 1999 to serve students who learn differently. Orchard Friends School provides a safe, nurturing community and a multidimensional instructional program, an ideal environment in which to learn. Because they believe that it is as important to educate each of their students, they strive to foster connections between the school and the community.




The above list came from the following website: dyslexiahelp.umich.edu/answers/independent-schools#6


I would caution against schools that have two missions of teaching international students and domestic students. Often, the two groups have very different objectives and do not mix well. Many international students are striving for entrance into top tier colleges and universities.

[hsmom]

FC,

At one point you were looking for a therapist who has experience working with adoptive children. Have you contacted a hospital with a section/department that specializes in international adoption? The one that I am familiar with is Floating Hospital for Children in Boston.

www.floatinghospital.org/OurServices/SpecialServices/CenterForAdoptiveFamilies/

We have consulted with them; my 15 year old son is also adopted.

Although we were living in Massachusetts by the time we adopted our son, we began thinking about adoption while we were living in New York. The Adoptive Parents Committee, especially those who ran the organization, were most helpful and informative.

www.adoptiveparents.org/

[healthy11]

hsmom, thank you for posting the above resources; I'm sure they'll be helpful for many members, not only fc11.

[fc11]

hi everyone,

thanks for the posts... it took me the whole day to complete the response, then when I reply, it disappeared.... I will do it again in the next 24 hours....

[healthy11]

fc11, unfortunately, that seems to happen to a lot of us. You might want to compose any long message in a Word document, then copy/paste it here.

[fc11]

Jun 5, 2013 1:32:20 GMT -5 bros said:

NJ has a lot of good schools for students with disabilities... just not many for students with learning disabilities.
Autism? Sure. There are even excellent charter schools for Autism in NJ.
Downs/CP/other intellectual disability? A whole slew of private schools that any district will ship a kid off to
ED? Many schools throughout the state for that with top notch care.
LDs, not so much, unless you want the child to be in a very.. low environment

Bros,
Thanks. You have confirmed what I have found out….most of the LD schools are just very low performing, they are “helping” the students in what the teachers think they can do..
I have friends told me about craig (upper school) and Community School…
It seems to be particular true for 9-12..it seems that after 8th grade, they will decide the future of the kids.

Empeg1,
You are correct on the abandonment and I was concerned… I lived with my relative for more than a year when I was young, when I back home, I was never closed to my siblings, even deep in my heart, I care about them…hence when vp4 was looking for boarding school, I decided early on that I didn’t consider boarding school…In addition, I think she needed the support from home (from me, in particular). However, a year later, I think it may be a logical approach

a. While I look into PTSD, however, I think the traumatic experience happened when she was young, she shut off, she lost many learning opportunities, but living away from home may be okay for her.

b. When she was in day care, I had a suspicious that the day care workers were not caring the kids properly, they spent their time chatting, I didn’t pull her out because of my concern on bonding, I wish I did.

c. She spent one to three weeks in sleep away camps every summer since 1st or 2nd grade, she never had homesick, and seemed to adjust well and had fun. She even flew alone to Boston for summer camp. My goal has always been for her to be independent. I think she is and at least is trying.

d. I found out that boarding schools have study hall period at night, say from 7:30 to 9:30, it is a structured environment and is supervised by the teachers… I didn’t realize until I visited the school that boarding schools do not have a serious retention problem, because most of the teachers live on campus and it is common for the students to ask for help. (Yes, the students told me, not that I expect to invade the teachers’ privacy). I think it may be what she needs as long as they are not spoon feeding her with answers.

However, for this particular boarding school, it is about 45 minutes from us, and it has 5 day or 7 day boarding. As DD is planning to continue with her ice skating, chances are that she will be a day student, as they don’t want to make exception on allowing her to leave campus, but DD can stay for the study hall if she wants. I suspect it may be the right for her. Boarding is 11K more…but the challenges will be for me and DH, as we will have to drive an extra 3 hr per day to bring her. Are we up for it? I don’t know…I cannot see myself doing it for the next three years….


Charter Schools – there are not that many in NJ, and most are in low performing districts, hence the teaching quality or the student population may not be what I like…I am not concerned about bullying in my district as we are in a small town, she grew up with the other kids, but I can say the same for a charter school.


I totally agree with you

I do not think you will find teachers at this private school who will understand how your daughter learns any more than what you are already finding

However, I also do not think the teachers in my public school knew anything, but they lie, say my daughter can’t even write at a 6th grade level, her teacher said “she wrote beautifully” as a 9th grader in the IEP meeting, I knew I do not need to hear more…and in fact, just now when I told my 7th grader, she laughed. Therefore, unless I go to an LD school who teaches, I have nothing to lose (except the tuition )
I do serious consider pulling her out of school and spend the year to address her deficits, I doubt I can homeschool her, and I am not a very structured person, it may be very difficult for her…It may not be easy to find someone who understands her needs and be able to address it. Say her middle school special ed teacher was able to describe her needs, but he was clueless on how to address it, therefore he wrote IEP that gave him a lot of “flexibility”, hence we are in DP.

I think you are right on

for the amount of money you would be spending for boarding school, you could hire, not tutor, but trained specialist

Ideally, I would prefer her to be in the public school and I could use the money to hire specialist to help her 1:1 every day… but the problem with the public school is that she spent 7 hour a day learning 1 hour’s work, came home , spent another 3 to 4 hours on useless homework, she would not have the time to learn even I were to pay for a specialist…..
Private school – unfortunately, in NJ private school is not that much cheaper than boarding school and they are mainly for high performing students and rich kids…and DD is in neither group. She will be miserable…
A few things I learned about some of the all-girls private school are that they are smaller and I have to wonder whether they are financially sound, whether they will have sufficient students to maintain the school, whether there are enough classes for the girls to choose, they normally have a high percentage of international students.. whether the curriculum is demanding, but you help me to see that the curriculum may not be the most important for her, she needs to learn how to learn, she needs to build up her confidence...

I check all kinds of Minds just now, the school I am interested in is listed on its website.

I have also considered to put her in a local Catholic School, it is about 10 minutes from home, also not cheap, but I will use the balance to hire tutor to help her..but she will have to take a religious class, and the problem with Catholic school is that they do not need to work with the parents...

as far as taking another class in the summer is concerned, I could see the online class in the last summer really helped her, she was able to understand the Biological Science this school year. I do agree that she needs to take her time off from school work, but as the summer course ends in early Aug, hence she will still have another month...


Momfromma and healthy,

Community college – In NJ, at least for the two community colleges that I knew, they do not understand disability more than high school teachers.. My thinking is that if I knew she needs help, why do I wait for another 3 years even if it means I have to borrow the money, my concern is that she will be conditioned to the bad habit, say tuning out in class, sees no need to study as she will always be provided with study guide. I would hope that she takes the opportunity to learn how to learn and if she needs to go to community college to pull up her grade to get into a state U, then at least I try…

Hsmom,
Thanks for the list of schools.. I will look again. I had visited Barnstable, it is “cheap” by NJ standard (around $30K), it is a small school, around 110 students, it would have been ideal, but I found out most of the kids are tall (60% boys and the students seem to be older, but they told me the oldest is 19, I think it can be intimidating) from what I observed, the boys seem to get along well across different grade levels, but I am not sure about girls. In fact, it was after visiting this school that I begin to look for all –girls school for DD. The building is small. The classroom is small, the lab is a small corner of a classroom, they want the kids out by 3:00 pm. The same teacher teaches all areas of Science.

I begin to focus on boarding school and just hope that I can find cheaper..and also focus on all-girls school because it gives her the opportunity to grow and to build up her confidence…which has significantly been damaged by the sd.

What I don’t know whether it is reasonable is to send her to the private school for 10th grade and if she have learned how to learn, does it make sense to move her back to public school?

Hsmon,
I am going to look at the links for international adoption…thanks