Just dropping in to say hi

[mamak]

Hello my friends. I've been out of touch for so long. I've been thinking of you all and thought I would pop in and say hi. Things are well here B is now a Jr in high school. He is doing very well in school, he has been wrestling on the HS team since his freshman year and has a handful of friends from the team that he socializes with outside of school. His teachers tell his RSP that they cant believe he is special ed. He continues to be way smart in math and to my amazement has made it through 2.5 years of Spanish with A's and B's. Most of his grades are A's. His worst subject in middle school was history is now his best, go figure that one. He takes several of his classes as laptop classes which is a great help to him. He just took PSAT without accomidations and that didn't go so well I think he scored right in the middle, so we are in the process of requesting extra time to allow him to get more of the test done.
H is now 2 semesters from graduating. She lives with her boyfriend and due to lack of stable employment opened a small vintage clothing storefront then switched over to an online store once school demands made it hard to stay open. She has a class which will let he have a radio show on campus which she is looking forward to.
I've been good. LOL a few weeks back B's RSP told me "You are the most feared parent in the district". I just can't understand that as I have not had any contact with the SPED admins since the summer before he entered high school. I guess all those state complaints I filed that summer must have made an impression and or put them in their place because since then there have been no real issues at all. It all seems like a world behind me and perhaps why I havent been here in the trenches as it stress me out so much.
I hope all are well and will be reviewing the college age posts preparing for B entering into college. His RSP has no doubts he can get into whatever college he wants. I think he wants to stay close to home so we need to start looking at his options and checking out colleges and or consider the local JR college for the first 2 years as an option.

[healthy11]

Good to hear from you, and glad to hear all is going well for your kids!

I'm a little confused...being a Jr., shouldn't your son be taking the SAT, not PSAT? He might want to try the ACT, as well. www.ncld.org/parents-child-disabilities/teens/choosing-act-sat?utm_source=standalone_february_12_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_content=text&utm_campaign=wkndeml

As far as your daughter, I'm forgetting...what's her major? What vintage years of clothes is your daughter "into"? She might like some of what's in my closet!! In any case, I'm sure she'll like being on the radio. My son really liked doing that at his first small private college, where he was a dj "in his spare time," but the large public university he transferred to doesn't seem to offer that opportunity. It's probably just as well, since he took 18 credits last semester, and has 19 this spring. It's frustrating, because we still don't know if he'll be able to graduate in May: it all depends if they accept a general ed psychology class from his old school. He can't even interview for jobs, since he's not sure if he should be looking for a full-time position, or another internship.

Although you've caught us up on your kids, what have you been up to? Are you advocating for students in other districts, or just busy managing your rental apartments? We do hope you'll "pop in" to Millermoms more often, as there are always folks who can benefit from your experience and advice! Take care for now!

[SharonF]

mamak--

Glad to hear from my favorite mama bear!!!

So glad your kids are doing well. You should be proud!

I'm also not surprised that B is doing better in high school than he did in middle school. And college may go even better.

After years of experience with my own kids and reading posts from parents...I've got a theory. I think many middle schools have unrealistic expectations about their students' behavior, reasoning ability and executive function. In other words, they expect adolescents to be far more mature than their brains will allow them to be. Some 13 and 14 year old do think like 17 year olds. But most cannot act and think like a young adult, at least not consistently.

Kids like B (and my two) struggle to meet the demands in middle school. But as they get into high school, the curriculum and expectations are a little more in line with their brains. And as my daughter has moved through her four years of college, her LDs seemed to have disappeared. Yes, she still has ADHD but she functions fine with meds. She knows what subjects and what types of assignments are harder for her--and knows how to adjust or compensate. She still works darned hard for every A or B. But she is willing to do the work.

Most of us parents of college-aged LDers could write a book about what we've learned watching our kids launch. There are so many variables such as living on campus or in an apartment, who your child lives with, and how they handle the many facets of independence during their college years. What works for one does not work for another.

One of my kids crashed and burned in college. The other has thrived and now wants to get her doctorate in physical therapy. There are too many differences between their experiences to count. But one BIG difference was the size of the college.

Ds went to a huge state school. He partied too much, didn't study hard enough, could avoid asking for help, and was just a number. Dd went to a very small liberal arts college. Her professors don't only know her name, they have all taken a very active interest in her academic and emotional success.

I think ds would have done far better in a smaller, more supportive college environment. But he was determined to go to the huge university. It didn't work. dd will graduate in May with honors and a double major. For her, the small college with a very attentive faculty was the right choice! And with her scholarships and grants, the cost of attending a private college was only a little higher than the cost of a state unversity. Definitely worth it--for her.

[mamak]

Hi Healthy, B will take the SAT this spring and perhaps again in the fall. It was just for practice and we missed it last year.
H is into anything that is desired by today's 18-25 age group. 50-80's she likes Rockabilly and Mad Men type styles but the boho hippy styles sell well to. She also sells current styles too. She changed her major form journalism to Broadcast and Electronic Communication Arts when she entered her school she thought she could minor in broadcast journalism but they would not let her so she changed her major last year. She is actually scheduled to graduate a semester early if all goes well. She had taken classes over the summer after her freshman year and got ahead. There were a ton of problems getting classes the last few years but since our voters (myself excluded) voted for higher taxes there seems to be more classes now and she is also taking 19 units. Enjoying the classes in her actual major and the kids in her classes with like interests. H is very much ready to be done with college and do what she wants to do. She doesn't like it up in the bay area and wants to be done.

As for me, I have not been advocating, I feel guilty sort of but I really felt broken after the district's full blown attack on me when B was leaving Jr High. I do have an occasional parent seek advice here and there and I am always willing to help them.

I have my rental prop and I think I will get my real estate license this year after I go to FL for my mom's hip replacement. I still have anxiety for taking any kind of classes or tests and have put it off far too long. Over the last few years I have been very involved with B's Wrestling booster club as treasurer. When I took over the position it had serious tax issues dating back to 2004 which took an entire year to convince the IRS that we did not owe them 12K in penalties and interest. That was a major task in reviewing the existing books, learning about non-profits and tax law but we got the job done and saved the money for the kids. I guess that makes up for all those years of getting the deer in the headlight looks from teachers and being unwelcome or unable to vollenteer at his school.

Now I need to concentrate on the near empty nest and me.

I hope your son gets credit for his class and can get on with getting a job.

[mamak]

Hi Sharon, My DD's school is more of a commuter college even though a state school and they don't have frats which is pretty much a good thing according to her.

With B things in middle school were being ignored which forced me to continue to point out he was below levels and needed remedial help but not just a study hall. Dispite his loosing ground they said things were just peachy. My consistent insistence on specific dx, ability levels and measurable goals held them acountable and clearly made them mad beyond belief. I will never regret my stand because he was truley ready to enter HS with a year of careful oversight to boot in 8th grade and that had been my goal since the out and out unfortunate war began in 4th grade.

I worry about the next step in college even though he has exihibited outstanding ability to do all his work on time, independently and at appropriate levels....probably just because that's my job as a mom, lol.

[Mayleng]

Happy to hear from you again mamak. Glad that things are going well. My son is also a Jnr this year, and also just took his PSAT. He will be taking his SATs Mar 9, and another one in Summer. Unfortunately, this year has been his toughest. He was always in the 90s, but now in the 80s. Alg2 is giving him problems, not that he can't undestand it, he just can't remember. So we just started tutoring. Of all the years for my son to have problems it had to be this year. Hopefully, he will get back into the swing of things soon.

[mamak]

According to most of the parents of typical kids jr year is the hardest for them. B had a lot of his jr year classes last year because he took classes with the kids a year older instead of taking honors classes. As usual his math ability is as the teachers call it scary smart. His writing seems to be appropriate but his reading comp seems to be the sketchy part of the puzzle. I remember never mastering algebra it was so hard. Lucky your ds has your support. B might take a couple AP classes next year but he is also staying in wrestling so I don't want him to be over burdened with HW.

[Mayleng]

Mamak, good luck to your son on the SATs. Here we go again with this SAT/College merry-go-round. I am so much calmer this time around, which is strange as this is my ADHDer. While I was a wreck when my older one (neurotypical) went thru' the college search etc.

[healthy11]

It certainly helps to have some experience of having gone through the processes before. I wish you all well on the upcoming tests, college selections, etc.

It looks like my son may soon be entering another transition phase in his life, too, because he just got word this morning that the Vice-Provost finally approved his General Ed transfer credits, so if he passes all his engineering classes this semester, he can graduate and start looking for a "real job!!" (I sense he'd still like to find work in our immediate area, since his girlfriend will be attending a local Optometry school... He probably would like to save some $ by living in our house, as well, which isn't ideal for us, but at least we could charge him some rent!) I'd best not get ahead of myself, because unanticipated things seem to have a way of happening to him. For now I'm going to keep trying to take things one day at a time, and hope for the best!

[jw]

Hi mamak,

Glad to hear from you and to hear that your ds is doing well. We applied for accommodations with the College Board last spring, and it only took a week to get approved. I think it helped that the application was submitted by the school. Anyway, hope it goes smoothly for you, too.

Good luck with the SAT and all of the other junior year stuff! My ds is also a junior, and I think I am losing sleep more than he does over getting ready for college applications next year, etc. Guess it is time for me to relax and let go!

Keep us posted about how things go! jw

[kewpie]

>B's RSP told me "You are the most feared parent in the district". <
LOLOLOL Love it!!

I am thrilled to hear how well your children are doing!!

[kewpie]

Mamak,

Ironically I am no longer a "feared parent" in my district because there has been so much staff/admin turnover. I am not complaining. So many of them, especially the attorney that kept dogging me should not have been allowed to make families lives so miserable. I recently met a parent in another district who is being "tortured" by the same attorney. My heart aches for her.

This spring I will be heading back to the due process/mediation table as I did a unilateral placement with my dd this school year. It seems to be the right decision but it is very pricey right now. High school will be looming in the fall. ugh!!!

[mamak]

Letter from college board arrived yesterday with approval for time and a half.....big sigh of relief.

I'm actually in a great spot with the staff at our school who I love and respect. They see me around school helping B's coach so I don't get those looks from the teachers anymore. I have had few needs to contact teachers because B's only goal is to self advocate and he has learned to deal with things okay to get what he needs. District spent a ton of money fighting complaints which after appeal they lost dispte trying to defend themselves with attorney and lies which I proved otherwise... So glad it is behind us that's for sure.

I just spoke to a mom in our district who finally hired an attorney. She has been fighting as long as my fight went on but took a different route and settled for trying districts offer for several more years...gap never filled and now the war will begin. I can't say I regret instilling fear from the get go because at least here they just care about their 129-150K salaries and have never shown to do our kids right without legal battle. That's when they get scared and they cough up the goods to the very few whose parents can or will draw the line in the sand.

[michellea]

mamak - so glad to hear from you and to learn how well both of your kids are doing!!! You have always been a couple steps ahead of me with both kids (I have a college freshman and hs sophomore) and you have always given me inspiration!!

My dd is very happy at college - seems like she found an excellent match socially and academically. (phew!!). DS is at an agricultural hs and really really loving it. I totally backed off last quarter, and he is still doing very well (all A's and one B) in a mix of college prep, honors level academic courses and a host of technical/vocational courses. He's been nominated for the Technical Honor society by his bio teacher, has made friends, and has turned into an amazing long distance runner.

NEVER would I have imagined this. But as you have found, our smart kids do come into their own - and thank God we fought for them to get the basic skills early.

I'm still advocating for others. I enjoy coaching parents and making progress with some districts. Some situations are very draining - some districts are awful. And there are some parents that are their own worst enemies, too. I can understand why you needed a break - the contentious situations are draining.

Please check back in now and again. We need to hear about the college selection (and graduation) process. Miss hearing from you and I'm so glad you popped in.