Explaining a 7 year old and 2e?

[msanchez112305]

???
HELP... I am having trouble telling and "explaining my "highly sensitive" son (w/ a built in never ending questionaire), who is very smart and is starting to feel "different" that not only that he been diagnosed with ADHD, may have a developmental coordination disorder and that his charter school may not be the best setting for him?

Never diagnosed 2e mom : (

[bros]

You don't want to throw all of it at him at once.

Explain it simply.

Use examples.

If he knows he is having trouble paying attention, be like "Hey, you know how sometimes you have trouble paying attention in class? Remember how we went to Dr. X back in <Month>? Well he/she told me that you are really smart, but you have something with your brain that makes it hard to pay attention at times."

If he inquires further, tell him it is called ADHD. If he asks what it means, give a short explanation, without using negative/scary sounding language.

Does he have issues with writing or playing sports? Tell him "You know how sometimes you have trouble writing/doing as well as <Insert name of a friend here> in Gym? Well Dr. X told me that it is because sometimes your brain has trouble talking to your hand and telling it what to do quick enough."

With the charter school, ask him his opinion on how he is doing in the school. Go from there.

[healthy11]

When you say, "never diagnosed 2e mom" are you talking about yourself never having been diagnosed, and struggling though school? Do you believe you were bright, but dealing with ADHD, or with a coordination disorder of your own, or some other LD?

In terms of your son, I concur with Bros about not trying to go into too much detail, especially since you don't yet have all the "pieces of the puzzle." As a highly sensitive child, he may be worried about it, and so I wouldn't want him to feel like the entire world, as he knows it, is turning upside down. Until you decide what other school setting you would place him in, I wouldn't have that part of the discussion yet.

[jisp]

Bros gave a wonderful description of how to handle this with a young child. Some parents have the neuropsychologist explain the testing results to the child. In our son's case, especially as he got older, we found that he listened more if he got information from experts who he respected rather than his parents who he felt were biased and would naturally say things about how smart he was.

One thing about 2E children is that often their expectations for themselves exceeds our own expectations for them. And they can be frustrated with the inconsistency in their ability to perform because often their performance does not match what they know they can do in their brain. It is important to help them become comfortable with having this and also to tell them that with appropriate training they can learn to use their strengths to overcome their weaknesses and that when they are adults that particular skill will give them super-powers and make them more able to do what ever it is they dream of doing.

[bros]

That's pretty much how my parents explained it to me as a child, minus telling me I had ADHD. They explained my dysgraphia as my hand having trouble talking to my brain, which made my handwriting bad.

So I never knew the names of my disabilities, but I had always known I was disabled, even before I was told. I always knew that I stuck out from everyone else

[msanchez112305]

Thanks everyone for responding! I really like Bros idea! He has issues with writing and math.

healthy11
I came to USA/NYC undocumented when I was 12yrs old, I always been bright, some adhd signs and non-English speaking. Because I was a child out of wedlock different family members from my paternal side fostered me for a year or two max. in they "dysfunctional" home.

Due to their negligence I never got the support or the help I needed but I always been a fast learner and independent. I am starting to realize the reasons for my never-ending dissatisfactions about my life and while why growing up I always felt “different”, hoping that aliens would abducted me and I never returned, always being depressed, with a curious, extraordinary mind, believing I had a higher cognitive functioning and a heart of gold! I have learned to accept myself, even until this day, I have a bunch of words (and even diagnosis) to describe myself to others in order to help people understand my actions, thoughts, emotions or why I live my life in survival mode and the word ”normal” has never been one of them. My explanation for my dysfunctional personality has been “astrology” and me being a “Libra”-It worked!

Experiencing this situation with my son and not being able to get him services or the right school setting has been very difficult for me because I can lived with being an unsuccessful ex-gifted child but not the reason my son didn't excel to his full capacity!

[bros]

Are you more comfortable conversing in your native tongue? If so, the district is obliged to provide you with a translator at all meetings.

[msanchez112305]

English is fine.. NYC doesnt really go by the books. All you hear them talking about is budget cuts, auditors blah blah

[bros]

It is in the federal regs that if you prefer communicating in another language, they have to provide an interpreter. No questions asked.

[healthy11]

The reason I asked about your "2e" status was because certain conditions are considered to have a genetic link. I've seen statistics that up to 85% of people with ADHD have relatives with it, and according to heartspring.net/adhd_concentration_treatments.html an ADHD teen is 40 times more likely to have a child out of wedlock before the age of 20 than teens without ADHD. Given that data, it's understandable that your son might have ADHD. You might even want to incorporate part of your "family history" into whatever explanation you give him, telling him that you also found certain aspects of school to be difficult, and though your parents didn't know how to help, you are trying to do everything you can to be sure he gets the assistance he needs to achieve his full potential.

[msanchez112305]

Healthly11
Great link! Thanks
I havent officially started speaking to him but he's very alert and you know kids always end up listening to conversation that they shouldn't. He kinda has an idea but he dont know really what ADHD is. He know what it stands for but not the meaning.
I am going to look into this information you shared, I dont know what can be more challenging.. Raising a son w/ adhd and organizing his lifestyle or deciding which lifestyle should be organized first.. Mom w/ undiagnosed adhd or diagnosed child? Lol
Something interesting that I am starting to noticed is that all these signs, patterns and behaviors that I keep being asked about my son I cant see it b/c is may be normal to me!

[healthy11]

msanchez112305, more than one parent has recognized their own attentional and learning issues, after their child struggled/was diagnosed. That includes some well-known and highly successful people, like Charles Schwab of investment fame, who has dyslexia and ADHD. Other accomplished business people with ADHD include:
Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines.
John T. Chambers, CEO of Cisco Systems.
Ingvar Kamprad, Swedish founder and chairman of IKEA stores, states he adapted the inner workings of his business to compensate for his ADHD and dyslexia.
David Neeleman founder and CEO of Jet Blue Airways.
Paul Orfalea the founder and chairperson of Kinko’s.

I'm not sure if your son is more "into" sports figures or arts/entertainment personalities, but a number of them also have ADHD/LD's, so you can also share names of those people with him. It may help him to see that while ADHD is a challenge that other kids may not have to deal with in school, it doesn't mean that he can't be successful in life. www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/8681.html (I realize you may not be at a point where you would consider medication as part of a treatment plan, but I urge you not to automatically rule out anything that can help to reach one's full potential. In most cases, a "comprehensive multimodal approach" seems to give the best results/outcome.) www.help4adhd.org/treatment/treatmentoverview That same site, www.help4adhd.org, also gives lots of other good information about parenting and teaching kids with ADHD, etc. www.help4adhd.org/en/education/teachers/interventions