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Post by sharie001 on Jun 12, 2009 9:33:26 GMT -5
It would be so nice if when our children were born we recieved a manual specific to that child to guide us at least from birth to age 21.
Every kid is unique and there is no such thing as "one size fits all" when it comes to raising them.
All we can do is the best we can with the knowledge/information we have at the time. Hind sight is 20/20, but without a crystal ball to look into the future and see the results of our decisions in parenting and other things we have to wing it.
No child or parent is perfect, we learn and grow from our mistakes, and must put the past behind us to look forward.
While the military seems to be my son's niche', I agree the military is NOT for all kids, nor should it be selected out of desperation. It should be well thought out and researched before deciding if it's right for that individual to join.
Life is too short to be miserable and/or grumpy, I say let him enjoy himself, and set reasonable, attainable expectations on his requirements at home.
Most important, take time to laugh and have some fun yourself (you and your husband).
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Post by empeg1 on Jun 12, 2009 20:04:10 GMT -5
My view not rigid, Healhy. I feel strongly that my view is based on the best interests of the young person whose major task is to become a successful adult. It does not help our young people to enable them. What seems like a kindness, actually is not.
Healthy, 18+ year olds are legal adults. And, yes, I know very well about the maturity issue. But, if a parent is complaining that his/her 18+ year old does not contribute to the house and nor take into consideration the needs of others in the house, it is important to back up one's expectations, words, etc. with real life consequences. Adult simply do not get paid if one is doesn't do a job. It is that simple. So, I agree, then, with other parents who have said to stop nagging your son and withold any money. The least said the better, That and Shawbridge's son, if I remember correctly, will attend a prestigious college this Fall. That means he is more than capable of contributing to the running of the house and working to help fund himself. Anything else is to baby him.
I keep my eye on on the goal for young adulta, to help foster their independence, responsibility, and adult behavior. So, if a young adult is in school, that is their job. If a family can afford to fund their son or daughter's college education, that is great. However, I do feel that the young adult should work during the summer to help fund discretionary spending during the year and during the summer. A completely free ride is not consistent with the responsibilities of adulthood.graduate. Nothing like life consequences to teach a young person.
I can recognize mitigating circumstances. My oldest, at 18, decided to work and not go to school. As she wanted to live away from home, my deal was that she would be financially independent. Afterall, she chose to live independently as a young adult, so she would face the whole adult deal. It was hard, on her and me. But, Healthy, she learned and matured in a way she never would have done if I had allowed her to take all the adult freedom without the adult responsiblity, That and she had to find out herself why it was important to continue her education. So, I had to get out of her way. I chewed my nails and worried, like crazy. But she made it. My dd is 22 and struggling looking for work after graduation. She is working hard to find a job, 105 applications so far and much leg work. So, I am helping her. This is what families do. You can bet that if my dd was just lounging around and then looked to money from me, my answer would be no!
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Post by shawbridge on Jun 16, 2009 22:48:23 GMT -5
empeg, I consider that my son is working, albeit for a later, risky payout. He's writing a novel. He could make more money going to casinos and playing poker -- he's good at it but I don't want to encourage that. But, I'm more interested in his learning life skills. He wants to succeed/win so badly that I don't think I need to help him figure out how to fund himself. He'll be more than capable when he needs it. But, I want to make sure he knows how not to be a slob, how to do laundry (he knows, he just doesn't do it), how to take care of errands (less good when they involve writing), how to cook (he's actually capable of cooking fancy meals but usually sticks with hamburgers for himself).
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