ideas for reward system?

[kc4braves]

Do any of you use a reward system to reinforce certain behaviors? We decided at the 504 meeting that I should reward my son for certain good behaviors. We agreed to work on rewarding him getting his books together for homwork and actually getting home with them. I thought maybe he would get a star on the chart for each day he does get home with everything and when he collects a certain amount of stars, he would get a reward. Problem is not sure how many stars to start with and what kind of rewards. Any ideas? I had thought maybe rewarding him with an extra hour of playstation time on the weekend or something but he is thinking much bigger. lol He isn't impressed by that reward. He wants new PS2 games. Dream on, son! How do I get him to work for smaller rewards that we can actually afford? Also thought of going out for icecream or a dollar movie. Any ideas on a good starting place? I don't want to reward him too much but I want him to feel he can accomplish his goals.

Thanks,
KAthy

[TexasMom]

Hmm. I am trying to think of some sort of reward system for our son as well. I haven't come up with one yet. However, I do have some ideas.

First, I have learned over time that the most effective rewards are those that are most sure and most immediate. For instance, if I make them do something for a week before getting the reward there is sometimes less desire for it (unless it is something huge). It is just like how the best deterent for crime is a swift and certain punishment although instead of trying to deter a behavior we are trying to enforce one.

Using the example you gave about getting stars and earning extra time on playstation. That may sound good, but when you break it down it isn't too rewarding. Obviously, organization doesn't come easy for him or he would already be doing it. So for starters it is a difficult thing you are asking him to do (hence the need for a motivation/reward like you already determined). However, when he looks at the cost/benefit ratio I doubt it will be worth it.

What I mean is, he has to be diligent every day, which costs him a lot of time and energy, and he gets one extra hour of game time. If it were my son, he would probably think it was a good idea at first but then realize that it isn't worth all that effort for one extra hour on Saturday. Woo-hoo, (not!) would be my son's response. Plus, what if he is extra diligent for several days and then has some off days, or, even worse, has some off days and then is extra dilligent? He may not earn the reward anyway.

I will share one thing that worked with our son in elementary school in 5th grade when he wasn't doing homework, or doing it and not turning it in, or not even knowing what homework he had. They used a planner in class and it was in his IEP to have the teachers check it, but it didn't quite work that way. So I typed up my own daily homework chart for him. I made it a table chart and had a row with each subject. Then, I had columns for "Had homework?", "Turned Homework in?", "Has Homework Assignment?", "Due Date (if any)", and then a wide column with "Assignment Details", and lastly a column for the teacher's initials. I typed it onto a half a sheet of paper and copied them onto colored paper so it was easy to find. I made several copies at once and put them in his binder and refill as needed. He had to have one filled out each day with each class/teacher on it and signed. I made it his responsibility to get it done and we called it the "Ticket." It was his ticket to fun THAT DAY. Without his "Ticket" there would be no TV (we no longer allow TV on weekdays anyway, though), no computer/video games, no friends over, or anything like.

It was interesting because he took onto it really well. We did it for about the last 4 months of 5th grade and I think he only didn't have the "Ticket" for me once or twice and both were decent reasons (although I didn't excuse them). After a few weeks of doing this he one day told me (with great relief in his voice) that he really like it because, "before I was always worried about what I had to do and if I was forgetting anything, now I don't have to worry because it is all here."

I need to do something like that again with him, but I can't think of a reward because he rarely has any time to do much "fun" stuff anyway so that wouldn't be much of a reward. Even though he came to see the value in it, it takes a reward first to develop that habit and it takes time for them to see the positive results.

[my3texans]

This just popped in my head as I was reading your posts. Is it feasible to reward the children with a special meal?

An example: After 5 stars, the child picks Friday or Saturday's meal. Or maybe they get to cook the meal (under your supervision). Or make their favorite cookies.

I'm not advocating over-feeding the child or eating tons of junk food. It could be a reward of time spent with a parent working on a non-school related project.

I think the trick is to find what the child likes to do, then it can be used as a reward for a period of time.

You might try talking to the child about it, if they have some input, they may take to the system quicker.

[kc4braves]

Cooking is a really excellent idea, since he says he wants to be a chef when he grows up, IF I can find the patience to deal with him and his mess. lol Just cooking noodles or mac and cheese from a box ends up with my kitchen destroyed.....and oh...he loves to cook but hates to clean. lol

His idea of a reward is having an expensive game or yugioh cards bought for him. We are not on the same wave length at all.

On a good note...today went really well. He laughed and smiled and seemed generally much happier than he has been lately. We went bowling and he bowled his highest score ever...135 and we printed out the score to save.

Thanks for your ideas.
Kathy

[RobbysMom]

For our ds, if he picks up the family room every day he can rent a game Friday after school. It sounds like a simple enough task, but some days its hard because he drags so much stuff to play with!

[Mayleng]

robbysmom said:

For our ds, if he picks up the family room every day he can rent a game Friday after school. It sounds like a simple enough task, but some days its hard because he drags so much stuff to play with!

If my boys don't pick up their toys after themselves, I throw them out. Works like a charm. Now all I have to say is " Mom will pick it up if you don't" and it is done.

[RobbysMom]

Kathy,

We've used Yu Gi Oh cards also, but I get a package he wants and only give him one card at a time. This makes it last longer! We've also baked brownies together as a reward for him. He did all the measuring and mixing and it wasn't as time consuming as making cookies, so he didn't get bored with the activity. Also, Lowe's and Home Depot have free construction workshops for kids up to 5th grade. That's a fun free activity that could be used as a reward.

Congrats on the bowling score of 135! I have a hard time making that -- even with the bumpers! LOL

Mayleng,

I have used the "If I find it on the floor it's going in the trash!" But I don't use it often because it means that I'm the one who's going to pick it up!

[Mayleng]

Robbysmom, I've only had to do it once or twice- ie. throw away their toys, and now all I have to say is "I will pick it up", and they dash to pick up the toys before I get to it.

[kc4braves]

I think the Yugioh thing might work for a while if I get the right cards. I need to figure out how that works better. I don't realyy get the dualing thing. lol

Making brownies or most anything would probably be good, as well. but teh workshops you mentioned would be awesome. I need to check into that. My parents gave him tools for his birthday and he and my dad made him a tool box. He has since made bird feeders and houses from kits. HE loves to be hammering or sawing or drilling something. Hmmm...

Thanks for the ideas.

Kathy

[my3texans]

Kathy,

If he likes to bowl, you might also use that for a reward. Since it is more costly to give as a reward, you might use it as bonus for having completely a certain number of smaller rewards. An example might be if he receives 1 star for each day he brings his books home, then if he brings his books home 4 out of 5 days you bake brownies. Then, if he has 3 reward weeks out of 4, you guys go bowling.

It's a staggered system, but allows you to have small rewards for day to day activities, and then a larger reward for them to work towards each month.

If your parents will help you with the rewards at all, you might ask your dad for find a project for them to work on as a reward.

Georgia

[kc4braves]

Thanks for the idea but bowling won't work. Both kids bowl every week in the league and we practice every Wed. afternoon for our family time. Fortunantly, on base we can bowl for $.50 per game on Wednesdays. lol I am thinking of using dollar movies that same way, though, once we get to OK where they actually have dollar movies. lol

Thanks,
KAthy

[kc4braves]

I think I have about decided that I will tell son..."If you bring home you assignments and books and get them done in time, you can have an hour of PS2. If not....no PS2." It would suit me fine if he never got to play PS2 but it is a big thing for him. I have told him that PS2 is a privilege...not a right. HE doesn't get this concept yet, though.

I may then have a bigger reward for managing to acutally accomplish the task say 3 times in a week or something...haven't worked that out yet. Then we can bake brownies or shop on ebay for Yugioh cards, or choose a dollar movie. Or that might be every two weeks. Anyway, at least he would have the immediate reward of the PS2...and if his interests change, we can always change the prize.

Thanks for all your suggestions.

[ilovemyboys]

A simple reward, but one my children like, is simply 30 minutes of time with mom or dad - to do exactly what the child wants to do. Its pretty sad that this doesn't happen in our home more often, but we are usually running so much and usually the time is split between the children. So what we do is let the child determine what we will do for that time. Sometimes it is a board game, sometimes it is playing videos (or just watching them play a game), sometimes it is going outside and playing basketball or any other sport. They LOVE the time, it is a great bonding experience for us, and it is CHEAP!

[kc4braves]

That is a really good idea. They beg for boardgames...both kids. Dson also really loves when Daddy plays PS2 with him. They got started playing a WW2 game, which I wasn't sure was a good thing...but...ds can tell you all kinds of facts about WW2 and he and dad have a great time. I guess we discovered one bad word, which is alot of what I was concerned about. Also...he adores John Wayne movies so we could implement possibly renting one of his favorites or.watching one with him. HE'd love that but I feel for me it is 2 hours of agony. lol

I have another question or thought. We need something to reward dd for. She is going to feel left out if he starts getting rewards. So far, she makes straight A's and is acing AR. Most days she stays on green, which is their behavior chart. Oh...she is in 1st grade. I prefer to reward for something that requires effort on the child's part. Hmmmm. Maybe I could reward her for getting her back back ready to go back to school each day after homework is completed. Neither of my kids have mastered that yet. Any ideas?

Thanks,
Kathy

[ilovemyboys]

Does she do chores around the house? Make her bed, feed any animals, remove her plate after eating, etc? Those are awesome things to reward her for.

[kc4braves]

These are great things to reward for. My problem is...I'd love to reward her for feeding the dog on her own and the dog would love it too but.......then ds is gonna say ...but I took the garbage out. See the problem? I don't wanna end up with extra rewards for everything. For the most part hearing...thanks, you did a great job...should be reward enough.

Kathy