Has anyone considered Boarding School????

[helpusnow]

Our 13yr old adhd son is entering grade 8 in a few weeks. Next year we are considering a Private School that is also a Sports School and has a strong emphasis on discipline, attitudes etc..... We know several young boys, now men who have attended this school and they are well rounded young adults.( although they did not have adhd) Our son presently attends a small junior high school and even though he is maturing ,it is hard to shake his younger adhd behaviour and reputation.
He still struggles with social issues and it really hurts to
watch him try to fit in. I've come to the conclusion that I can not teach him the social skills he needs to have a happy, fun-filled social teen life. Our 3 other non-adhd
children have tons of friends, so I must be doing something right. Our oldest son just is so impulsive, talks constantly that he is a turn off to kids his age. Now that he is 13, he hardly listens to a thing my husband and I say anyway. The biggest issue with this
school is that it is almost 3000 miles from our home. So if we did this next Sept, we would only see him at Xmas,
Spring Break and for the summer.... Frankly, I think I would die of a broken heart. But the other side of me says he is only a child for 18 yrs and an adult for hopefully 60+yrs, is he going to be ready?Is he going to have a happy fulfilled life ? Am I thinking of his best interests?? Has anybody else done this?
What are your thoughts???

[catatonic]

I couldn't bear it. Childhood is so short that I want to spend as much of those brief years as possible with my children. One of my children is 13, and I would rather cut off both arms than send him away at an age when he's just discovering who he is and what is important to him. These are critical years for parenting -- challenging too.

I do have a friend who has a child in boarding school, also a 13-year-old boy, and while it is not easy for them, they believe it's the best thing. Her adopted son has fetal alcohol syndrome, severe ADHD, learning disabilities, and violent tantrums. The school couldn't control him and because he had become violent on several occasions and started fights with other students, he couldn't continue there. His residential school offers psychiatric treatment, techincal training, and traditional academics. They've moved in order to live within a couple hours drive of the boarding school, and while they miss their son terribly, they say it's possible for the rest of them to now have a normal life. He seems content at school and is much less out of control now.

Personally, I think I'd check into local small private schools. At least your son would still have the love and support of his family as he struggles to fit in. He'd face the same struggle 3,000 miles away but he'd face it alone. And without his family, how much more likely is it that peer pressure will guide his choices, rather than better standards like moral and family values?

As for overcoming his reputation...seems to me that's a fact of life. You have to face up to the consequences and earn people's trust. I had to do it and it wasn't fun. I was a complete jerk for a couple of years as a teenager and there were plenty of times I wished my parents would simply move somewhere new where no one knew anything about me. They didn't, but over time people came to accept that I'd matured and changed. I think earning their acceptance was important in my learning to accept myself. Now the memory of my mistakes doesn't crush me, it's something I can talk about with people who knew me "when" and even laugh about. I wasn't allowed to bury it (small towns have looooong memories), so I had to deal with it.

But only you can weigh the pros and cons of your unique situation. I'm sure it's a difficult decision. What does your son think about it?

[helpusnow]

Our son wants to go or else we would never be
considering this option at all. He knows someone from our hometown who went last year and can not wait
until he leaves again at the end of the month. But than
again our son does not always live in reality. We are
considering this school because it is a great sports
school and our son needs to burn off all that excess
energy he has during the day. More importantly, our
son is a gifted athlete and excels in every sport he
tries, so this component of the school would help to
boost his fragile self esteem. Also this particular school
deals with children who have had problems fitting in
with the stream line school system, so he would not stand out like a sore thumb. We've checked into schools
that are closer but they appear to be more like prep
schools and that I feel would be setting him up for failure. We have our own business so moving closer to
the school is just not an option. We certainly have not made any final decisions yet, but there are many days lately I'm considering it more and more. Our son often makes the lives of his siblings miserable.He has become so unappreciative, its horrifying to listen to him rant and rave about how rotten he has it , etc....I know a huge part of this is raging hormones but I've seen some of his
friends raise their eyebrows at him. He really is a very,
very lucky boy but you'd never know it by the sounds of him..............................Anyway we'll have to wait and see what next year brings and how he has matured etc...before we make our final decision. Two of our nieces went to a prep school a few years ago across the country and although their parents said it was very difficult the girls said it was an experience of a life time.

[Mayleng]

You have lots of things to consider. I have nothing to add to what Cat said, she pretty much said it all. And like what she said, you have to consider YOUR own family's situation. Just wanted to wish you luck with your decision.

[2pearl]

I went to a small performing arts boarding school. I begged my parents to let me go and finally they gave in when I was 15.
I absolutely loved it there. Had the time of my life. However if I had to make the choice again I wouldn't go because now that I'm an adult I can see that I really needed guidance that I didn't get. I didn't have anyone really pushing me to do well in school academically and my grades suffered. Socially I was a HUGE success but this is not always a good thing. It was at the expense of my grades and really my future. I did things there that I would have never gotten away with if I lived under my parents roof.
My advice to you is this. If your going to do this you need to really, really investigate just how they well they keep track of the kids in terms of supervising academics, offering support and motivation, making sure they stay out of trouble etc. Of course they will tell you they do all these things but If I were you I would make certain. When I tell my mother now the things that went on in the school I went to, she is shocked as she had no idea at the time and the admistration painted such a different picture for the parents.

Good luck with this very difficult decision.
2pearl

[Gillian]

I've seriously considered this for our (now) 14 year old but the cost was too high and the distance too great. However, if it were closer and less costly I think I would do it. My guy had a disasterous year in school last year. I'm hoping he will wake up this year (final year of Junior High) but will he? Good luck on this difficult decision.