message made me cry

[mattandchris]

I got the message that no parent wants to get. He's failing because he doesn't turn in his work. He's in high school and there is so little time left in the quarter. Each class is only one quarter long. After a few tears I became angry. m*d . I am angry with my son because he knows I am here to help him and at the school for a couple things. Why don't you hear until the quarter is half over about anything. Maybe now they will actually listen to me-my kid needs help!! I have been denied a 504 plan over and over. Their reasoning is that ADHD is not significantly effecting his grade. What do they call his not turning any work. This has been a pattern for years, whether he has done his work or not. I think part of the problem is that this is a small town. He does not make waves and we haven't yet.
I am going just on emotion right now, I just recieved the email about him at work and just feel bummed out s*s*d

[Sharon]

That's the same problem we've had. DS will to the homework (if I know what it is??) and then he will go to school the next day and forget to turn it in. Then he will come back home and we clean out his backpack like always and there is the homework assignments from the night before!! a*g

[TerryB]

Yup, our school won't do anything until the child gets into trouble. Nothing is preventative.

[mattandchris]

I just don't get it. Why wouldn't they want a proactive parent rather than a reactive one. I have always been extremely easy for the school to get elong with-maybe too easy.
This has been such a frustrating and emotional afternoon. I am hoping to get it all out before my son shows up. The last thing I need is a scene with him.

[d]

Aww....

h*g

[mattandchris]

Ineeded that

[chaknine]

We are going through the same thing with my step son, about not turning in work and not studying. He has an IEP, but there comes a point where the kids have to make an effort too. He will lie and tell us he does not have homework, tried assignment book being signed by the teacher and he still did not do it. He would come up with excuses. He simply does not care.
I hope you have better luck, but I have not found a way to motivate him. Right now he is grounded for his grades and not turning in work. I hope this helps. He is in his second year of highschool doing freshman classses again this year. He has never been to a school dance, they will not let him take drivers ed, so no license(I do not feel he is ready for that responsibility anyway).
He refuses to take meds. What do you do??? I feel for you!!

[mattandchris]

I cooled off over the weekend. I know that Matt needs to become more responsible for himself. I have just wanted someone at the school over the past couple years to help him do that. I think Matt wants to do well. I also know he doesn't always tell me if has homework, but if I ask class by class he will . It's kind of like if he is given a general question about homework he can't answer it but given a specific-di you have algebra? something clicks. It is so frustrating.

The class he is having so much difficulty is keyboarding. At first I thought that would be impossible because he loves computers. The more aI thought about it I guess I could see that the repetitive typing assignments were boring. He loves doing cool things. I never know what my desktop or screensaver is going to look like. c**l

I have emailed the principal asking for a meeting with whoever the appropriate person would be. I have been turned down for 504 plans over and over. I have been told ADHD does not necessarily entitle him to a 504 plan, unless they determine that it significantly effects his academics- I would think failing would be a sign. It's sad but my husband and I have been polite and patient with this school district and have had no results. We have seen those who are not so polite get the results they needed. I will wait to hear from the principal before we decide what step to take.

Thanks for giving me the space to get all of this out. Sometime I find this place a sanity saver

[JMSRTM]

It seems like you have clear cut evidence of how ADHD affects his grades "Failing due to not turning in homework...". Whatever you decide to do with the school after you talk to them, be sure you give it to them in writing. the regular schwablearning board is really great resource for advocacy issues. h*g w*w

[chaknine]

Good luck and hang in there. It is so frustrating!!!

[Dakotah]

Hi mattandchris. First I would like to say I am sorry you have to go through this with school and your son. It is so hard.

It's sad but my husband and I have been polite and patient with this school district and have had no results.

Don't second guess yourself about being polite and patient. It is always the right way to START. You love your sons and would do anything for them. You can check off being "polite and patient" from that list and pencil in "throw weight around".

Also- I have a friend that was very rude. Actually quite inappropriate and they were very angry with her. She didn't take the right channels. Went right to the super without talking to the teacher? She made it very difficult to work with her. There is definately something to be said about appropriate tactics when dealing with the school. You can be level headed and pushy at the same time while maintaining your professionalism. That is the word I was going for! Professional! If you can keep your professionalism you will get further because you are showing a certain respect. Good-bye polite and patient! Hello pushy and professional!

[Andy]

If you don't get the outcome you desire, talk to the principal,
if that doesn't get you results, go to the superintendent of the school system. Your child should not be forced to "fail" before anyone takes action. Believe me- nobody may like me at school, but I am not there for them! My child matters the most. Make noise. Give them a list of demands in writing. Tell them they must respond in so many days. Get out there and the force be with you my son!!!!!!

[Gillian]

I'm sorry but being the 'nice parent' definitely gets nothing done. You have to become a real thorn in their side to get anywhere. I couldn't believe how obnoxious I had to become to get my son a 504 when he was in elementary school - and still it took nearly a whole school year!!!! Yep, 'nice Mom' definitely flew out the window over that one. I found Junior High to be much easier to deal with over these issues.

[mattandchris]

I talked to a friend who just happens to be an elementary counselor in our district. He gave me lots of good advice and good statements I can use (of course I can't use his name to those people because of the whole collegue thing) The most important thing is that I do not just "go away" He said to be that fly buzzing their head and that pebble in their shoe. Being vocal is what is important and to not let them put me off. I have emailed the principal twice in the last week. He said maybe I need to bombard he with daily emails and phone calls until I do get a response.
If they look back Matt has struggled the last 3 years and been turned down for help iver and over. He was an A,B student in elementary where people did control him even without a dx otr any type of plan. With this whole No Child Left Behind stuff you would think they would work a little with me.
I guess I will see tomorrow if I get a response from the principal My friend also suggested I surf for 504 info to arm myself with. I do have a statement from his pych. stating that he feels it significantly effects his schooling. Anyone have any leads on good places to go for some ammo.
Thanks to everyone for the help and support.

[d]

mattandchris also put things in writing - a letter. My district is loathe to document anything and *hates* receiving parent letters b/c they go in in dd's file. It forces them to act/respond. If they don't it leaves them vulnerable.

Calmly, clearly state facts. Specify your request in writing.

[dmom32002]

Okay I'm late on this one. But I have a couple
of ideas.

All to do with the writing.

First,
ask for a psychological evaluation, for other health
impairment, if your state has it. ask your friend.

Also put in writing that you need a 504 and send
it to the superintendent, principal and 504 coordinator.

Now you also can file with Civil rights about a violation,
I have the phone number to start, call and ask them
how to prove not having one is a violation.
Then instead of filing use the ammunition.
Explaining you would rather work with them, than
go that route.

312-886-8388 or 312-886-8434
James Hefferan

This is Chicago area, my state is this one. But they
would have the one for you.

donna

[mattandchris]

Okay, I've written to the principal twice with no response. I know that she opened them because I have an icon that indicates that and tells me what time she opened it. What is wrong when someone will not answer your questions. I have my statement from the psych, and have stated that I really think a 504 is needed. The accomodations I am looking for are not big. It is frustrating and tiring dealing with this school district. I worked for 3 years during middle school, they wouldn't help then and they sure are dragging their feet now. I am off to send the principal another letter and may need to forward it to the superintendent also.

[mattandchris]

I heard from the principal this afternoon. She is passing me on to someone else. All I want is someone to tell my son to turn in his work. I guess I don't know why they are fighting me so hard. I did respond that I want to know when he will be contacting me. I need a timeline. One quarter is over-not sure how much of high school he can afford to have problems.

[dmom32002]

First I'm guessing you kept your original
letters, and her response. Do me a favor
sent them on to the superintendent of school,
tell him That you need to know which day next
week they are holding the 504 meeting or
IEP if they have testing and can do that.

I would just make them realize that you mean
business.

I also have a phone number for civil rights,
if you need it.

donna

[mattandchris]

I got a huge shock last night. His counselor called me at home to talk about things j*wdr*p It is almost unheard of here because we have some huge union contract stuff going on, anyway, he wants to set up a meeting for a possible 504. He thought the psychologist's opinion and Matt's huge drop may be all we need. He also said that if the team did not feel that a 504 was needed there was another plan which he called a regular education intervention plan could possibly be put into place. All I want is some help for my son before he becomes an"at risk" kid. I hope we are on the right track.

[JMSRTM]

g**dj*b

That's wonderful news! Be sure to document everything in writing and make a paper trail... Good luck!

[Mayleng]

That is great. Proactive counselor. y*y

[Sharon]

gr*upP*rty
Kudos to your counselor! Perhaps if you have a person in your corner, maybe you can progress further than you would alone. At least you will feel that you have some support from the school to give you the nudge to fight harder! You go girl! You can do this!

My thought is, right or wrong, that ADHDers may be highly intelligent for the most part but common sense seems to fly right out the window for them. Do you know what I mean?

My DS has difficulty knowing that, after spending alot of time doing homework the night before, he needs to take it OUT of the backpack and turn it IN. I know I have struggled many a times with: he should know to take the homework out, he needs to accept more responsibility, he needs to do this or that. But when you really think about it, they don't realize what they are doing (or not doing) at all.

Gee, I still battle with my DS to raise the toilet set when he uses the restroom and have been battling this since he was potty trained. It's awful to run to the restromm only to have urine splattered all over the seat! 11 years is a long time and he still doesnt make the connection. They can't. It's not that they won't . . . they can't. My DS's Psychologist went over alot of this yesterday and I'm like, "OMG! I've been after him like a drill sergent to no avail!" Sometimes it gets confusing as to what they should be able to do.

The thing that helps us is our chip program, but the only reason this helps is because he has assistance to remind him eg. the list! That is why these wonderful children need help in school. If they can get the reinforcement at school that they get at home (most of the time), then maybe they will learn eventually. This is what is making the parenting job so hard for alot of us. We are trying so hard to help our kids to just survive and to learn the needed skills to do so. Very hard!

Okay, I'm done for a while! Hehe! ;D

[dmom32002]

Yes, A general intervention plan can help if the
teachers are made to follow it. If you do this
make sure you stay on top of it. If they don't
do as they say they will, a 504 is just about
guaranteed. SO if you need help figuring
out how a 504 plan is good for him. Make
a post for it and we can all help you.

donna

[mattandchris]

I really want to thank everyone for their help and support. I know that I am through with all of this but we are finally on the right track. If I am not happy with their plans I will be sure to be back here looking for suggestions.

The hardest thing through all of this is watching my son. He is so happy when he does well and has honor rolll friends, he just can't seem to keep it together more than a coupl,e weeks at a time. Maybe they really will work with us and he can learn to stretch things out in a positive way over a full quarter.
p*ace

[augustnyne]

I just don't understand why they want to wait so long to help these kids? They want to wait until they are failing so miserably that their self-esteem is shot, and of course they aren't even trying anymore!!
I've been going through the same kinds of things with my son the last year! It's just crazy!!