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Post by chaknine on Oct 3, 2004 9:04:46 GMT -5
How many of you have the fight over doing homework daily!! I mean we are talking a spoiled brat tempertantrum that usaully results in her doing her home work in tears!! ( how much do you get out of studying when you are that upset) I have tried doing it at different times, breaking it up so she does not have to sit as long, any other ideas?? h*lp
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 3, 2004 9:46:20 GMT -5
I used to have alot more HW fights before meds. However, even though with meds it is MUCH better, there are days we still do have fights. He is off his meds by the time he gets home from school and I don't give him another dose for homework. I find this strange thing - somedays he will fight me, I will yell, and he will cry. Then once he starts crying he calms down and does his work. I think somedays the adrenaline and the relief he gets from letting it all out (we do homework as soon as he gets home otherwise I will never be able to get him to start) helps him re-focus and gives him the ability to do his HW. If that makes any sense. I think it might be a self stimulating thing. I could be wrong  But he does not fight me too often these days. Maybe once every two weeks depending on how demanding his day was. He is in an academically tough class this year but with a wonderful teacher. In his own words, "it's very challenging". At least, this year he stopped saying he hates school. Does B have trouble doing the homework? Is it hard for her academically? aside for her ADHD/mood issues. |
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Post by JulieinSC on Oct 3, 2004 13:01:25 GMT -5
Boy, do I wish I had some words of advice to give you! Once the school year starts, every day revolves around homework at my house. My youngest, 13 year old ADHD-Inattentive, moves at the speed of a slug and takes FOREVER to do any homework. Although he doesn't throw temper tantrums, he has absolutely NO motivation to get his homework done. Consequently, he has very little free time, which doesn't seem to bother him. Even giving him homework doses of meds doesn't work; he still moves so SLOWLY that it makes you want to scream. Using timers, positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it, not much seems to work. Hope someone out there has some good ideas!!!  JulieinSC |
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Post by chaknine on Oct 3, 2004 13:47:51 GMT -5
I think b does not want to stop playing!! If we try to do it right after school on days that I do not work it does go a little better. It is still a fight even when I am home after school, she jsut does not want to sit down and do it! She can not focus, stay on task, or sit still by late afternoon. She is already on 40 mg of Ritalin La, and has a dose of 10mg regular Ritalin late afternoon/early eve. But the 10mg of regular ritalin just takes the edge off of her hyperactivity, and does nothing for concentration, focus, ect.. It is awful to deal with every night!  |
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 4, 2004 8:08:34 GMT -5
Shelli, I don't know what to tell you. How about setting up a consistent routine ie. at such and such a time EVERY nite it is when we do homework instead of different times on different days. This way she knows that this time is set aside specially for it, and if she does not have homework for that day, read or do something writing etc. Then 15 mins before the time you give her a warning so she can transistional off whatever she is doing. I find if I give my son notice, he generally is more receptive when playtime is up. Julie, I have no words of wisdom for you. If you have done all that you have said, I don't know what else you can try except find out if there is something he really likes that you can use to motivate him (by taking away or giving to him).  |
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Post by eaccae on Oct 4, 2004 9:33:10 GMT -5
DS has maybe 2 tantrums a week this year. He is much better with meds - but he only gets an afternoon dose on Mondays (hockey day) and the meds are usually out of his system by the time he gets off the bus. He needs his "downtime" when he gets home and then we do homework.
In the years past our experience was similar to yours. I will tell you what we did that worked wonders. I set up a schedule for DS - it had "blocks" of time and I used a funky timer that he liked. He would get a "block" of free time/snack time when he got home (3:20) until 4:00 pm. The timer would go off. He would do a half hour of homework - I would set the timer and he would do what he could in that amount of time. He would get another half hour of free time. Then half hour of homework time. A half hour of setting the table time. A half hour of homework time . . . (if he FINISHED his homework then he would get free time), etc. It was a difficult two weeks but I stuck to it. After two weeks it was a huge difference! Homework was actually finished in the first two half hour blocks of time! In the beginning he wouldn't get anything done in the first two half hour blocks of time. (He was arguing with me). But with consistency it paid off.
(Also - I went into it with determination that this would work and an expectation for DS's wrath - which helped a lot in keeping myself going in the beginning . . . )
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Post by chaknine on Oct 4, 2004 19:44:14 GMT -5
Thanks for the ideas!! We will give them a try!!
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Post by catatonic on Oct 5, 2004 0:02:07 GMT -5
I've found that homework is easiest when there's something my son wants to do afterwards. For instance, he can go out and play football with his brothers only after he's completed the homework. He gets it done in record time. (The downside is, he'll also tend to lie about what he has to do! Consistent use of his planner by teacher and me helps with that.) Generally successful is telling him he can't turn on Teen Titans on the TV unless the work is done.
What I find frustrating, is that Challenge Boy is often incapable of doing his work independently. He does fine if he has a couple of worksheets or spelling sentences. But give him more than a couple of things to do, or something he has to write, or a chapter he needs to study, and he just stops functioning unless I'm sitting right there beside him.
He normally doesn't pitch a fit over his homework, but he's also capable of sitting there for an hour looking like he's doing it but accomplishing absolutely nothing!
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 5, 2004 6:46:50 GMT -5
He normally doesn't pitch a fit over his homework, but he's also capable of sitting there for an hour looking like he's doing it but accomplishing absolutely nothing! My guy does the same thing. So I have to keep an eye on him when he does his homework. |
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Post by Dakotah on Oct 5, 2004 9:57:54 GMT -5
I would be interested in talking my kid's school into doing a survey with parents on homework. Sometimes I think teachers are under the impression that parents want homework to keep their child busy but in reality we have a hard time fitting it in. Now, I say this and my kid's are only in kindergarten and second grade. What are we in for when the "real" homework starts coming home? I think there is a chance I am in the minority here but I honestly could do without the pointless homework. I know a lot of my neighbors are just as frustrated with it as I am however. Just had to put in my two cents.
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Post by LurkNoMore on Oct 5, 2004 10:23:50 GMT -5
I find this strange thing - somedays he will fight me, I will yell, and he will cry. Then once he starts crying he calms down and does his work. I think somedays the adrenaline and the relief he gets from letting it all out (we do homework as soon as he gets home otherwise I will never be able to get him to start) helps him re-focus and gives him the ability to do his HW. If that makes any sense. I think it might be a self stimulating thing. I could be wrong C used to do this last year, Mayleng...esp. on Monday nights when he had to write his 20 sentence essays (he is still not over that nightmare). We would send him to his room to calm down and when he came back he would be able to complete his homework! This year since I don't have extra kids coming over after school, he knows the rule is that he sits down and does it right when he gets home and then he gets free time. For the most part, he's been doing it independently...yesterday, he had a harder time sitting down and focusing...I think I am going to start giving him the "booster" dose of ritalin when he gets home from school. I saw his teacher briefly this morning...I was at school for a planning meeting for the 5th grade Halloween party. Mrs. L asked how he was doing and I mentioned about him being less focused yesterday afternoon and asked how he had been in school. She said Friday he was not very focused, but after doing their morning work the 5th grade was doing an archeology dig that he was looking forward to (so she attributed it to that and yesterday, she figured lack of focus was due to it being a Monday). I told her to let me know and I could give him an extra Ritalin in the am (we did this last year...and it was prescribed this way)...she said she would let me know later in the week...that it could be b/c all of the pull-outs have started...band, OT etc. She commented that she didn't notice him being on meds when she read the IEP (didn't hit me until later...she ACTUALLY read his IEP  )...I'll have to go pull our copy and see if it says anything. I'll keep you posted! ;D |
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Post by mrsheartbuzz on Oct 5, 2004 22:08:25 GMT -5
I posted some homework tips in the thread about' how to motivate your child". These helped me a lot!
Sandy
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Post by brookesmom on Oct 8, 2004 16:55:37 GMT -5
Homework has always been a huge battle at my house. Procrastination, nagging, begging, eventually yelling, tantrums and tears.
We just started our meds for the first time on Saturday and I was able to notice a difference this week. We had one bad day when she came home with 3 or 4 assignments and was overwhelmed. It was also late in the day and I think the meds were wearing off. I am sure we will do some med adjustments but for the first time in 3 years I finally have some hope for my child to feel successful!
Meds or not I think consistency and routine are the most important thing in getting the homework done. We also don't worry about fancy meals if we need to spend time together working on things. I also limit how many after school activities she can participate in. If she really wants to do something she has to earn the right to do so by proving she can complete her responsibilities with a decent attitude.
Above all, pick your battles, know that you are a good parent, and take time to enjoy and appreciate your child for who they are. Our love and acceptance is the best thing that we can give them.
Hang in there!!!!
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Post by ilovemyboys on Oct 8, 2004 17:04:02 GMT -5
Last year in third grade I was having a great deal of difficulty getting my son to do his homework. It was a screaming match each evening... I finally spoke to the teacher, and asked her what the consequence is for failing to do the homework. She said he would have to do it at recess the next day. So I told her that I was no longer going to argue with my son, if he didn't do his homework he didn't do it, and he would do it at recess. It only took one or two times before he knew he had to do it and the fighting stopped. So I did the same thing this year. I met with the teacher on the 2nd day of school and told her that my goal for him was to make him more responsible. I told her that I was not going to bug him to do his work. She also has the same rule about recess. So my son missed the first three days of recess to make up assignments he missed (papers he left at school). He now does his homework each night without arguing with me. (and rarely forgets his papers). It takes a teacher willing to follow thru to make this work. But it did work for me. |
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Post by chaknine on Oct 8, 2004 20:00:15 GMT -5
Good idea!!  |
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Post by Brenda on Oct 12, 2004 7:24:10 GMT -5
Above all, pick your battles, know that you are a good parent, and take time to enjoy and appreciate your child for who they are. Our love and acceptance is the best thing that we can give them. I am glad you said that.That is something I need to work on.I need to "enjoy" our time together.Sometimes I feel so bad because I can't wait until bedtime to give her clonidine and knock her out.I feel like a bad parent because I lose my patience with her.I hope these are normal feelings and I'm not a bad parent.I love my daughter very much and want her to be happy. |
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Post by chaknine on Oct 12, 2004 18:41:21 GMT -5
Brenda you are not a bad mom!! I feel the same way some nights, watching that clock for clonidine time!! When your tired or not had a break in a while it starts to get to you. I think some of it too is that time period where the stims wear off and until you can give the clonidine is not fun!! I love weekends with B because I get her (instead of the teacher) when she is at her best and most fun!! Your feelings are perfectly normal!! But do not forget to allow sometime for you! h*g
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Post by willoweezie on Oct 14, 2004 15:17:44 GMT -5
Brenda, I second Shelli's comments. I am the same way many nights! It's literally my only free time unless she is visiting her dad on the weekends, which happens about once every 4-6 weeks if I'm lucky. Sometimes I just can't take the stress of working all day, running around to various therapy sessions, trying to fit in homework, spending some 'quality' time with S, keeping the house picked up (losing battle... luckily I have few friends and no company to drop by and make me feel completely embarrased at the tornado zone our house is!) I eagerly await the hour or two of "me time" at the end of the day to just decompress. You are totally not alone!
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Post by Gillian on Oct 15, 2004 14:52:52 GMT -5
We usually wait until after dinner that gives them some down time first. However, my 8th grader is currently driving us nuts over homework. He doesn't seem to give a hoot about whether he gets it done or not. I've tried logically explaining why he needs to do it, shouting about it, bribing him - nothing seems to work at the moment. I just get the answer 'whatever'. In fact today his history teacher called me to say he hardly did anything in class today. She put him on the phone to me and his answer was 'whatever'. Grrrrrrrrr!! I don't think he will wake up until they tell him he's not moving up to 9th grade. Of course then it will all be my fault - double Grrrrrr!! I'm ready to send him to military school. I said that to him the other day - and you can guess what his answer was.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 15, 2004 15:16:42 GMT -5
Gillian- It's ironic you should happen to mention military school! When my father was here two months ago for a visit for two weeks, he experienced (once again) what life was really like in our household. He was horrified by my DS behavior and said he needs a good whoopin' and sent off to military academy and they'll straighten him out!! He told my son that he is going to kill his mother (me) putting her through so much hell. I told my father that he was my son and my cross to bear. God gave him to me for a reason. I will do whatever I can to help him. Many. many times I wanted to throw up my hands and say I can't do this any more! I'll have a good cry and pray for God to give me the strength to help my child. I have to continuously remind myself that he cannot help it.  When my father left, he cried so hard and hugged me so tight, telling me he was so worried for me. I've never seen him cry so hard. Wow! Very emotional. He said my son is going to put me in an early grave and kill his daughter. Well, I am still here and trudging forward. I found a new ped dr and made an appt. for Nov. 3rd. Someone has to have some answers for him. They are going to do another psych. evaluation on him. Whew! A nice long vacation would be very nice undeed! They need to have a cruise just for all of us 'special' moms!! I'm ready! ;D Sharon |
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Post by Gillian on Nov 9, 2004 9:44:26 GMT -5
Well it's been over two weeks since my last post and he's still not getting his homework done. His grades are dismal to put it mildly. I cannot understand him. He knows he's really screwing up but I still can't get him to do anything. He's really become an impossible teen the last few weeks and I've just about had my fill of it  |
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Post by ryansmom on Nov 9, 2004 17:34:53 GMT -5
Last year when ds was in second grade we had the homework battle almost every day. He wouldnt want to stop what he was doing to do his homework and he
didn't seem to care either. This year he is doing his homework for the most part without a fight. He really enjoys school this year and likes his teacher which I think helps. The problem we are having is he forgets to turn it in and gets no credit for it which is such a shame considering the time it takes him just to do one paper. When they get to school the first thing they are supposed to do is hang up their stuff and put homework in the homework box. I wrote a note to the
teacher today about maybe giving him an extra reminder for a few days to get him in the routine so we shall see....it's one hurdle after another
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Post by Sharon on Nov 9, 2004 18:21:04 GMT -5
Maybe you need to have them put it in the IEP that the teachers specifically asks your child for the homework? My DS many times came home with the homework still in his back back for all classes and he didn't get credit for it as it was late, even though I would e-mail the teachers to tell them what happened. Yikes!
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Post by ryansmom on Nov 9, 2004 18:59:02 GMT -5
Sharon, That is a good idea but my son doesn't have an IEP. The school said he didn't need one I guess because for the most part his grades are good. Does that sound right? Im not that familiar with IEP's |
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Post by Sharon on Nov 9, 2004 19:43:46 GMT -5
What is your DS's diagnosis? |
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Post by ryansmom on Nov 9, 2004 20:43:58 GMT -5
Sharon,
My son has was diagnosed with adhd when he was 5 or 6 by a pedi neurologist. He is now nine. He does well academicallly. He is very hyper and impulsive and has behavior issues which are under control for the most part with conncerta 27mg and counceling. The school did a core evaluation( I think its called )in kindergarten
and nothing became of it. Last year a team evaluation? was done at the school becasue ds was haveing major
behavior issues and the only thing that came out of that was the recommendation that ds needs outside counceling.
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Post by ilovemyboys on Nov 10, 2004 13:46:35 GMT -5
I think if I was at the point where my child was refusing to do any school work, I would take away every priveledge he had after school. He would sit in his room every day without TV, Computers, Games, etc. I would take away after school activities, etc.
There is a point where you can't MAKE them do their work, but you can stop allowing them any priveledges. They only earn those when they do their job, namely homework.
Good Luck.
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Post by Sharon on Nov 10, 2004 15:03:25 GMT -5
That's what I did too. Homework came first before anything else and yes, many times homework that normally would take 30 min. to do, would take him a couple of hours to get completed! Then, after spending so much time on the work, he would forget to turn it in! I had asked the teachers to ask him for his homework. We are still in the process of getting an IEP at the new school and this is one area I hope to have included as well. Ryansmom: Hopefully your son's teacher will be willing to remind your son to turn in his homework.  |
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Post by angel on Nov 25, 2004 20:00:10 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
I just want to add to the hw frustration. lol
Homework has always been an issue at our house. When she was in Kindergarten, her teacher would make her redo all of her work from the daytime. This was premedication and I also had a baby that year. (I won't even mention that we were out of our house for Mold) LOL Things are much better with medication, but it is still a huge problem. I sooooo understand all of your frustrations!! Thank God we do have each other to understand.
AS to suggestions.... The ONLY thing that has consistantly worked for us is doing it in the morning before school. This means waking up earlier, but is sure beats all of the FIGHT in the afternoons. Her afternoons on medication have NEVER been what the mornings are, so this lets me do homework with some of her most cooperative time instead of her most uncooperative time. ykwim....
The other thing that has helped us, is that I cleaned out a closet (with lights) and put her desk in there. The desk faces the wall and this seems to really help with focusing. It takes away all of the distraction and noise from the house. It is her "OFFICE". lol
another suggestions is "extreme routine" These kiddos of ours thrive on it. I have never been very good at this, but I know that it really helps. (Another thing that is easier for us in the morning. The afternoons have different activities each day)
Just thought I would throw those in there.
AND..... IF I EVER GO BACK TO TEACHING, I AM GOING TO BE MUCH MORE CAUTIOUS WITH HOMEWORK!! LOL
angel
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Post by Gillian on Dec 10, 2004 14:44:11 GMT -5
I know someone else who had success with doing the homework in the morning. It wouldn't work for us as I can hardly get me teen out of bed in the mornings but I know it works for some. It's the end of the semester and his grades are dismal - Dad is fuming and I can tell there's going to be a showdown this weekend over it - so that will mean a crabby weekend - oh joy!
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)...I'll have to go pull our copy and see if it says anything. I'll keep you posted!
