Teachers & former teachers...I need some advice!

[LurkNoMore]

OK...I'm really glad I wasn't at my desk when C's teacher called, so she left me a voicemail...

C is 10, ADHD, 4th grade...we had "restructured" his day in February (b/c his 2nd report card was horrible, b/c she didn't know that he hadn't turned in a lot of his work)...he is sitting by himself, near her desk (instead of at a "table" with 4 other kids). He actually likes the seating, says it is less distracting. She prepares a "checklist" of work for him to do (usually with the aide) and b/c he's been off task lately, hasn't been too much a part of the classroom. She called me earlier in the week to say she wanted to have him be more a part of the class, lay off the checklist, so he could be "happy"...I told her that is fine, but he still has to do his work (even if it means sending it home)...she basically said "whatever".

Yesterday, was the school concert (in school in the morning for chorus and at night band and chorus). She was out yesterday, but the aide wrote me a note telling me that C behaved badly...he was making bunny ears on the kid in front of him and being "inappropriate". The resource room teacher had to go up to him and reprimand him. Last night, before the concert...I gave him his afternoon dose late (just before 6 pm) because they had band rehearsal at 6 pm and the concert was from 7:30 till about 8:30. I also laid down the law to him to BEHAVE...I saw the chorus teacher b-4 the concert and told her that I had spoken to him and she seemed to appreciate it...and he did do (for the most part) very well at the concert...actually moved his lips for most of the song.

Today, I get this message from her...

I just wanted to give you a quick update. I'm sure that you heard about C's behavior at the daytime concert yesterday. Everyone was pretty upset about how he was acting and just the complete lack of control and some of the children were upset. But also another thing is when I sat down and looked at all of the children's grades, he's failing a lot of things...he's failed the past 2 math tests and the past 4 science grades have been failures. So I'm getting a little concerned about that and I want you to keep in mind that if I let up on this restrictive checklist, it's going to start his grades going down b/c I'm letting him be more independent. So I'm a little bit worried, so I just wanted to let you know that the grades were falling. I'll talk to you soon.

2nd message...

I thought maybe I would catch you again. My last message was kind of rushed because I was starting to run out of time on your machine. My concern is the drop in the grades, and I think with the less structured day that is the kind of trend we are going to see because I'm going to start try to hold him to the standards of the other kids and I'm afraid that the drop in grades is going to continue. So I just wanted to talk to you about it and get your feelings. You know I don't want to set him up for failure even though I want him to be a part of the class. So I just wanted to get your thoughts. Either drop me a note or give me a call. Talk to you soon.

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UGH! I haven't called her back because I am fuming. Why did they put him with her? Any feedback of what my next step with her should be? I am off on Mondays, so I am thinking of offering to go into the classroom and spend the day (instead of cleaning and grocery shopping) to see if there is anything I can do to help. Hubby is off next Friday, so he said if Monday helps, he could go in on Friday!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS YEAR TO BE OVER!

Thanks for letting me vent!

[jdmom]

It sounds to me like you need to reming her that her job is to make sure your kid learns and passes, not matter how much it puts her out. It sounds like she is tired of making accomodations for your child, and is just going to lump him in with the rest of the class, whether or not it is good for him. Let her know that you won't stand for it!

[willoweezie]

Lurk, from what I read, it sounds like it was her idea to have him be more part of the class, yet she's coming back to you as if it was your idea ?! She sounds a bit, um, scatterbrained!

Just from what little I know about your son's situation, it sounds like a teacher who had better skills in the classroom and used more positive incentives (and praise!) with him might really improve his ability to get some work done...

I think a teacher who is willing to work with your child's learning differences makes all the difference for kids like ours. Sounds like your year has been really frustrating, I'm sorry!

[LurkNoMore]

Thanks for the replies...I did talk to her afterschool and I really just think she is the WRONG teacher for him (and I'm going to mention to the team that I feel it would be a mistake to EVER place a special ed. kid with her)...I am more confused than ever from talking to her (and I'm sure she is confusing C...she is very wishy washy, so I'm pretty convinced that is part of his problem this year)...I offered to go in on Monday (she wants me to observe without him seeing me at first, so I could see how he really acts...believe me I know first hand how he is acting, but whatever and then I could go in and help out)...when I offered to be an extra set of hands, she said but that is what the aide and Resource room teacher are for...I said yes, but maybe a different (yet familiar) voice will get some thing done...then she said that it wouldn't solve the problem of him working independently...yikes, she is all over the place. My husband and I are going to write a detailed note to her (and I have to pull out his IEP too) telling him that he needs STRUCTURE and CONSISTANCY. He needs to know when she tells him to do something and he doesn't do it there will be consequences (and not a trip to the principal's office) and then follow through (even if it means sending all of his extra work home). We are kicking ourselves over ever agreeing to have him placed in her classroom...

Tonight, I'm going to talk with one of C's classmates mothers (they have a cub scout meeting)...she also has an older son with Aspergers (so is used to fighting the school) and she is now a pre-1st grade teacher in another district...to see what advice she can give me on dealing with this bimbette!

On another note, I spoke to the p-doc (finally) and she has reduced his ritalin down to 10 mg 3 x a day and added .5 (.25 for this week) of Risperdal at bedtime. I will be posting asking for advice on Risperdal later!

Have a good weekend everyone!

[Mayleng]

Lurk, read the post I just did on ADHD education rights. There are some IDEA laws there that you can use to get the right accomodations for your child.

[jwm]

I think you and your husband are doing the right thing.
I would request a meeting to discuss next year and tell them that your son needs to be placed with a teacher that would be compatable for your sons personality etc.
I did that at the end of last year and my son's teacher is excellent this year. Fourth grade has been the hardest year as far as work load but the best for my son's confidence and self esteem.
I give you credit because I would be pulling my hair out. It breaks my heart when I hear stories and see so many kids "lost" in the classrooms. I think teachers need to be given up to date information on ADHD and learning disabilities each year. These kids try so hard and seem to always be brought down for one thing or another.
I hope things get better for your family. Keep us updated on how things go ok. We are here for you. Have a great weekend.