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Post by Rebelmom on Oct 28, 2003 22:32:20 GMT -5
Having two boys, I only recently realized how the classes of younger elem. grades are completely and totally geared toward girls. At a P/T conf. teacher showed me his journal and my son's handwriting was addressed. I asked to see the other kids journals, just to see a comparison. She opened up several journals with MUCH better handwritting. I was very impressed until dad pointed out that they were all the journal's of girl classmates. I asked to see some boys work. There was little difference between my son and the other boys, at least not as drastic as compared to the girls.
We agreed to bring him in half an hour early every week for a small extra help class with his writing. I never pass up a chance to get him anything "extra" so we did it. I walked him in the first day of class, this was a class of 6 kids, all boys!
I have been reading about the developmental differences between boys and girls and found that learning wise and fine motor skill wise, boys are way behind girls until about age 10-11.
This is apparently old news and the public school system knows it all too well. Still, the schools raise their standards because they know half the kids can easily keep up. The girl half, that is. But our boys are being made to feel bad that they don't develope the same way at the same time. This is truly sexual descrimination, but I don't see winning that lawsuit! My DS son's year has one of those unexplained sex ratios. The girls out number the boys 5 to 3! It's a bad enough year to be a boy, but add ADD to the mix, OH BOY!
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jdmom
Full Member
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Post by jdmom on Oct 29, 2003 9:55:31 GMT -5
My son's teacher also addressed his handwriting at Parent-teacher conferences. I hate to say it, because really it is unlike me, but I blew her off. Jarrett did not score below a 96% in any subject. He has no problems forming any of his letters. He just doesn't take the time to make it "pretty". I know very few men who have nice handwriting. Now, when I help him with his homework, I do stress slowing down and making it neat, but I am not going to harp on him about his handwriting. I also notice when the teacher posts classwork that the girl's handwriting is much prettier than the boys. That just seems natural to me.
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Post by irishbutterfly on Oct 30, 2003 0:01:31 GMT -5
My son also has trouble with writing. He is in kindergarten and is left handed. He is in OT but he still isnt writing very well. He can barely write his name. I think it is because he's not really interested and it is frustrating for him. His teachers brought it up at our first and only P/T conference. I never thought to ask about other kids handwriting. I think one of the reasons girls write better is that they care about their work being nice and pretty. I know when I was a kid I would write and rewrite my notes until I thought they looked just the way I wanted them too.  |
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Post by Brenda on Oct 30, 2003 7:54:29 GMT -5
Irishbutterfly,my daughter is in Kindergarten and is lefthanded too.She has terrible handwriting.That is the only thing her teacher said that she needs help with at the parent teacher meeting.Where did you find out about OT?Does the school have that or do you have to carry him somewhere else?Is it helping any?It is bad enough that they are Adhd.But to be lefthanded too!! Thanks,Brenda
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 30, 2003 9:36:32 GMT -5
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Post by irishbutterfly on Oct 30, 2003 9:45:50 GMT -5
Irishbutterfly,my daughter is in Kindergarten and is lefthanded too.She has terrible handwriting.That is the only thing her teacher said that she needs help with at the parent teacher meeting.Where did you find out about OT?Does the school have that or do you have to carry him somewhere else?Is it helping any?It is bad enough that they are Adhd.But to be lefthanded too!! Thanks,Brenda Hi, the school suggested Cabe have OT last year when he was in developmental preschool. He was having trouble and they asked if I would care if they tested him. He goes once a week for a half hour. I think he needs more time, but his teacher told me today that once a week is all the OT teacher comes. It is helping. So far they have changed the way he holds his pencil so that he has more control, they work on zipping and buttoning, stringing beads, etc. They said that he has a weak pincer grasp so all the things he does is geared toward strengthening. They also work with scissors and of course writing. Hope this helped. If have any more questions just ask. ;D |
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Post by Mommysalami on Oct 30, 2003 9:59:17 GMT -5
My son did this too in Kindergarten. I think most public schools offer this. Just like Speech, its a developmental thing. It helps develope fine motor skills. But leftys almost always have fine motor skill problems, don't let them make you feel bad about it. It's more common than not!
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Post by irishbutterfly on Oct 30, 2003 10:22:53 GMT -5
At first I was upset not because they thought he needed OT, but because they made me feel that it was my fault that his pincer grasp was weak. Evidently I didnt let him eat enough cheerios as a baby  . When I talked to Cabe's dad (he's also a lefty) he told me he had no trouble so of course I felt worse  . Like it was all my fault. Then I talked to Cabe's doctor and he told me it wasnt my fault that like you said alot of leftys have problems. I dont blame myself anymore. I am doing everything I can to help him. ;D |
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Post by NativeLI on Oct 30, 2003 14:20:26 GMT -5
I agree it is a boy/girl thing. My two boys were both sent to the occupational therapist for their "fine motor skills" in kindergarten. My 3rd grader is doing great now and my 1st grader has greatly improved. They didn't have a problem. the teachers did, with their expections!
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Post by Mayleng on Oct 30, 2003 14:29:59 GMT -5
How often do you see girls in trouble... at the principals office...for example. Are boys badder than girls, or are they just different. If boys get in trouble more, why doesn't it occur to them that its not so much badness as a difference in sexes? I think girls can be horrible, but not in the same ways that annoy a teacher, yet they aren't held accountable. their behavs are still bad, often worse than our boys, but because of the ways that they are bad, they aren't diciplined. There are clear cut differences between boys and girls. The shame is that our boys are made to feel bad for being boys, educationally, behaviorally, emotionally, socially...etc...
The whole thing is not cool and its been a bee in my pants for a while. Its a girls world for sure.
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Post by mattandchris on Nov 5, 2003 19:03:54 GMT -5
I totally agree. Boys are held to a different standard than girls. If a boy doesn't play sports, they are "different". If a girl doesn't , that is fine. If a boy is in sports-that is what they are suppose to do. If a girl is in sports, she is setting an example for other girls. Can you tell sports are a big deal here and that my son does not participate? I have also noticed things graded on that naturallu will favor more girls than boys- ex. how well they can color a map. My son still, at 13, has horrible handwriting. Thank goodness for computers.  |
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Post by d on Nov 10, 2003 21:22:49 GMT -5
Now wait just a minute here!!!!  How about 'there are gender expectations for both sexes which aren't that great'? You may be complaining about how unfair elementary or school life in general is to boys, but unfortunately while thank goodness it is evolving, it is still very much a man's world in business, politics, etc. Quite frankly, I haven't seen the advantages of being a girl for my oldest, the ADHD'er. Winds up it is sometimes very difficult to get the schools' attention when all they see are 'nice well-behaved' little girls who are struggling and dying inside from learning differences and ADHD. There was a year or two when I really wished she was a boy with ADHD - then they wouldn't have been able to ignore her hyperactivity. Her hyperactivity is so much more socially acceptable than boys'. Her inattention is what almost did her in. BTW, her handwriting sucks and she is an organizational nightmare - just like her mom So she will get to spend her life (motherhood, work, etc.) compensating, working harder or avoiding those pesky things. d |
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Post by NativeLI on Nov 11, 2003 10:16:04 GMT -5
You are absolutely correct that this isn't just a "boy" thing, however I think what we are saying is the "boy" behaviors that are not acceptable. My list of "boy" behaviors would be "hyper" activity (lots of running, jumping, etc.), loudness, more physical contact with people, etc.
Most schools have cut back recess time, added more reading time, and this hurts the more active children. My first complaints from school about my son were that he was bouncing around in his seat, talking to kids at other tables, and calling out. My first thought was, he is 5 years old! What do they expect?
Yes, he is ADHD. However, I would have possibly been able to delay or avoid medication if there was more acceptance that some children need activity time during the day and can't sit still for very long. I think they should have classes for ADHD children, where they can learn spelling by singing or dancing in a circle, or some other creative way to use their strengths (energy!) to learn.
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Post by d on Nov 11, 2003 12:58:39 GMT -5
I think my dd would get more attention and support if her hyperactivity was as external as boys'.
When we were adjusting and considering take dd off meds, I could care less if she was wiggling and sguiggling (neither did her blessed teacher) - as long as the learning and her output was ok. That stuff could've been worked around and all were willing to do that. Unfortunately, her education was affected.
I usually make sure dd is placed with an ADHD-friendly teacher (which is why I fear middle school next year where this will be harder, if not impossible) and am in constant communication with her teacher.
I imagine you've had experiences with teachers like my younger non-ADHD dd's current teacher. This dd is absolutely fine with any type of classroom teacher. However, during back-to-school night during the teacher's talk with the parents, I was thinking to myself that my older ADHD'er wouldn't have lasted with this teacher and G-d forbid this teacher has any undiagnosed ADHD'ers - those kids would be in for a real hard time. She does color cards so everyone knows who is "bad" and "good" and is a screamer.
I hear ya' - I just don't agree with the boy discrimination thing. Yes, boys are more active than girls, particularly ADHD boys. Teachers should accomodate all their kids, gender and ADHD status or not.
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Post by ikisskittiesonlips on Nov 11, 2003 23:19:02 GMT -5
I sooooo agree!! I know my son (10 yrs. old), who is ADHD/ODD would really benefit by expressing himself/learning the way that is best for HIM. I'm not sure about the girl/boy thing since I haven't experienced it myself. I have a daughter, 16, that has no learning or psychological problems; straight A's, honor roll every quarter, socially adept, (she's really sweet to boot!). I have wished that myself, that there could be classes for the exceptional, (our kids!) where they could be free, free, free.
Dulcey ^..^
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MomA
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Post by MomA on Nov 12, 2003 12:58:02 GMT -5
Throughout grade school, I had straight A's except for the pesky continuous 'C' in handwriting. I'm a girl and not ADHD--go figure! (and thank goodness for keyboards)
But I do know what you mean about boys as I see it in my 6 yo son's work as well as that of the other boys vs. the girls in class. I'm thankful that the teachers don't make a big deal out of it except to give extra help with writing. As long as he's also getting praise for all the things he does well, I want him to know he needs to practice handwriting more.
I would be frustrated if he was made to feel bad about something that's developmentally normal.
In general, I've been happier from pre-school through 1st grade when my son has more girls than boys in the class. Though I'm sure it's not always true, my experience has been that the class is gentler so that my super-hyper boy has less opportunity to get revved up. They're also more supportive of him than the boys.
We get our dose of 'being boys' from Tiger Cubs, and that's where I'd rather it be.
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Post by Mayleng on Nov 12, 2003 13:40:34 GMT -5
I think our boys do better sitting near the "quieter, smarter" girls and I request that every year.
My husband like to add that they be "Pretty and rich" as well. ;D
I too sometimes wish my son was Hyper or a behavior problem. He'd get a lot more attention. Being the brilliant quiet daydreamer only causes teachers to misunderstand them. These types fall through the cracks too often.
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. When I talked to Cabe's dad (he's also a lefty) he told me he had no trouble so of course I felt worse 
. Like it was all my fault. Then I talked to Cabe's doctor and he told me it wasnt my fault that like you said alot of leftys have problems. I dont blame myself anymore. I am doing everything I can to help him. ;D 
