Bad parent behavior

[michellea]

I had an IEP meeting this morning for a little boy that has been struggling all year. At the last meeting, the TEAM agreed to evaluate and get it done by the end of the year even though there were less than 20 school days left. We met this morning and the mom was late and left before the meeting was adjourned. Luckily the dad stayed until the end. The entire time, the mom was texting on her phone. As she left, she stood up and remarked that she hoped her son will have a better teacher match next year. This year's teacher was sitting at the table.

I was mortified by her rude behavior - and luckily I have dealt with this TEAM before and they realize that me and my clients are invested, attentive, and participatory members of the TEAM.

One thing I have learned as a parent advocate - sometimes the parents are part of the problem...... Grrr

[healthy11]

I also can't help but wonder if the mother and father are experiencing marital strife, and even without suspected LD issues, their child(ren) would be impacted negatively...

[michellea]

Healthy - I think they are. And, I think the child IS suffering due to being the youngest of 4 in a very busy, distracted household. I certainly remember how difficult it was to balance my career when I was an executive for a large telecommunication company and I am grateful that I got the buy out I did and decided to leave. Not everyone has those choices. But, when a family has children, they owe it to their children to be there for them - and this family just doesn't seem to have time. Eventually, the school is going to become fed up with their excuses and behavior, and the child will suffer.

[kewpie]

Some parents can be a problem. The ones that worry me are the ones that are so overwrought and have such negative thinking patterns that they don't even realize when someone is giving them what they want on a silver platter.

[aterry]

"...they don't even realize when someone is giving them what they want on a silver platter." Wow, getting what you want on a silver platter. I've never even heard of that in an I.E.P. meeting, let alone witnessed it. If it ever does happen, it's amazing. Getting what my children needed always took years and years and years. Though, when we did get improvement I sent thank you notes to those who helped achieve it.

BTW, I might have been inclined to have said, in a meeting, that I hoped my child would get a better teacher match next year. For the most part there are so few teachers who provide a good match it is almost always a dream. I've never understood why the good match teachers are so involved in covering up for the teachers who do not provide a good match for the children. I once criticized a teacher, who was truly, truly, truly awful--she wasn't present--and another teacher said, "you can't criticize her, she's my colleague". And I replied, "why don't you help your colleague be a better teacher? or counsel her into a career where she could be more successful?"

[hope4all]

Michelle.in my experience the school tries to make it look like it's a home problem or parenting issue so they can deny services. This might Not have been the case in your situation . However we do not know how many meetings this mom has attended and judged by the school. She may be feeling defensive and defeated.

[jisp]

hope4all,
I have seen my share of parents who are problematic. Many times if a child has an LD one parent or both may have an LD as well. And in the parents case the LD might not be treated. So parents can be impulsive (like the mom Michellea was dealing with) or they can be depressed and ineffectual or they have can have severe anxiety and that can cause them to act inappropriately. The challenge is getting schools to realize that even if the parent IS the problem, they are still responsible for helping that particular child. If the home life is impacting how the child is acting then the school must take that into account rather than just shutting things down and blaming the parent.

Most parents, even bad parents, mean well. But parenting is not always intuitive and parents are human and they make mistakes. Still I have seen my share of bad parents. Sometimes kids just grow up despite their parents. Other times the parents actions end up seriously shaping the kid.

[michellea]

This team bent over backwards to get the student tested and to provide interim solutions while we were waiting for the test results. I am not saying that the parents are "bad", but the mother's behavior was not conducive to the TEAM process. When one is constantly late, does not return e-mails, texts/emails thoughout the meeting, leaves early despite having chosen the date and time, other team members can interpret this as rude, entitled, uninvested.

Jisp is correct - often disorganized students have disorganized parents. Often kids with anxiety have parents with anxiety. As an advocate I always try to keep this in mind, and a large part of my job is mentoring/coaching the parents so that they can be more effective advocates despite their own difficulties.

My sense (and of course I could be wrong), that in this situation there is marital trouble, two high powered executives that are stretched with four kids and a huge home, and the parents are having a hard time managing and prioritizing. I also think that this little guy needs some medical intervention and is exhibiting some alarming signs of depression/anxiety/something that most likely needs more attention than what the school can give alone. I am urging them to seek help and my experience with this team is that they will collaborate with the medical and mental health experts - if we can get the parents to take action. I hope that they do - my experience with this district tells me that things will go seriously down hill once the child hits middle school. He has 4 more years with this team - I hope that I can get what is needed in place.

[eoffg]

Michellea, reading this made me think of the teenager that Teacherabc has been working with?
Where earlier issues with the mother, seem to be a significant factor.