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Post by vp4 on Jan 9, 2014 13:16:18 GMT -5
My son, the sophomore is telling tall tales at school. His Writing teacher who says he made tremendous progress in writing and no longer needs Academic support class (2 kids to a class) sent me an email asking me to help him use photos (in a presentation) from his trip to europe this winter break concluded last week. The only problem, he didn't go anywhere. She says that she and the other kids are enthralled by his depiction of the trip and are very curious. She feels that making a short presentation in front of other kids will further help him come out of his shy personality. Oh, brother.... She wants me to help him a little in putting together a presentation. What should I do? Should I tell her the truth and embarrass the heck out of him or should I tell her a little lie and say the photos are somehow lost? She further is interested in his experience in a foreign country and being in a hospital due to spider bite there. Really? I thought teens are too busy with their phones and other useless gadgets to have this imagination. Is this a symptom of kids with Aspergers? On one hand I am a bit annoyed with him and on the other hand I laughed. He did the same thing last year with another writing teacher when she told me about how wonderful his narration of the trip to the australian outback was. As you may guess, there was no such trip. I blurted out to her in parent teacher conference that there was no such trip. She (a different teacher) burst out laughing. I thought for sure he might get an F for that paper but he didn't. I told him then to quit making up stuff and write only about what he truly experienced. I took him to Yellowstone in the summer and he could have made a presentation of that. He had hours upon hours of video, some posted on youtube. What should I do with the current tale? Thanks.
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Post by SharonF on Jan 9, 2014 16:03:48 GMT -5
vp4--
What a tough situation. But my first reaction is NOT to perpetuate his lie. In other words, don't tell the teacher you had a great trip but accidentally deleted the photos.
I think embellishing facts (or flat-out making up stories) is not due to his Asperger's. However, people with Asperger's are often very good with words. They often use words to help them understand realities. And many appreciate a really good story. So it is possible that he's using one of his strengths--using words in the form of a great story--as a way to relate to others. But he's not using maturity and good judgment in how he's using his words. He's lying. Even if he's telling a wonderful story!
I would talk with him. Tell him you got an email from his teacher. Tell him you're not upset, but you're concerned. His fabulous stories about trekking through Australia and Europe are creating a problem. And now both he and you are expected to turn his fictional vacation into fact. It's not possible.
He wouldn't keep making up these incredible narratives if he wasn't getting some sense of reward out of it. It might be a sense of connection to his classmates, a sense of "outdoing" their vacations (bragging rights are especially important to adolescents) and maybe even a way to seem "cool." He probably didn't mean any harm--and didn't think through the consequences.
But now there are consequences. He will need to tell his teacher that he made up the story. And you can follow up with an email telling the teacher about your conversation with your son.
We learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. Parents must allow their kids to acknowledge their mistakes, deal with any consequences, guide the discussion on how our kids can learn from their mistakes, and then move on.
I know that can be hard. Especially if your kid processes information differently or doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes. But we found that the school of hard knocks can be the best teacher.
Good luck!
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Post by healthy11 on Jan 9, 2014 17:19:33 GMT -5
Sharon has given you excellent advice. I definitely wouldn't promote or perpetuate your son's tall tales with a lie about having lost the photos, but I wonder if you could somehow approach the situation with the teacher by describing it as your son's "dream vacation." Perhaps the teacher would then drop the idea of him giving his presentation, or maybe she could somehow turn it into a classroom exercise for all the students? (My son once had an assignment where everyone in the class had to select a different foreign country and assemble a binder and give a presentation about it, including things like the history of the place, the flora/fauna, noteworthy sites to see, etc. He chose Madagascar, and obviously didn't appear in any pictures himself because we've never traveled there, but it was an interesting project that he accomplished by investigating things online, etc.)
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Post by dihicks6 on Jan 9, 2014 18:07:03 GMT -5
I also believe it's better not to perpetuate the lie, but I might talk to your son about the possibility of (after telling the teacher the European trip was fictional), the trip to Yellowstone did happen and could he do something with that? I can see, however, how he might not want to do that if he feels that a trip to Yellowstone is a comedown from a trip to Europe, but it might lessen the blow with the teacher. Something to think about anyway. I laughed out loud when I read your post. So typical of young teens...
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Post by vp4 on Jan 9, 2014 18:23:28 GMT -5
All good advice. No point in perpetuating his tale. I am going to talk with his teacher and tell him to apologize to her. She will understand. Very nice lady. What a difference between the public school teachers and her..YMMV... I called my son a couple of times in the last hour and as usual he didn't answer. I feel like grabbing his neck and asking what the bleep is the problem.  But I digress. Sometimes I think he is about 2-3 years behind his age, in maturity. I do recall as a teen telling a few tales myself to my friends, but nobody called me on it.  BTW, he is doing well this year as well except for Math (B average in that) which is his #1 strength. Odd. I asked him about it and he retorted, "I have 3.86 GPA." Left him alone after that. Hoping this is the last year in private school needing academic support classes. |
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Post by beth on Jan 10, 2014 13:09:07 GMT -5
I had to laugh too. My daughter often asks me for details on things that have really happened. When I correct her version to coincide with the facts, she has been known to tell me that it makes a better story the way I tell it.
Your son has taken that idea to a whole new level.
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Post by kewpie on Jan 15, 2014 14:10:07 GMT -5
When my ds was in 5th grade, he was having a rough year in school thanks to his punitive classroom teacher. The class was told to write a letter inviting their parents to Open House night. Instead he wrote a letter explaining that Open house was a plot by the principal to get money from all the parents so she could take a trip to Hawaii. It was hard keeping a straight face when the teacher handed us the letter with very righteous indignation. The teacher had no sense of humor.
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Post by vp4 on Jan 15, 2014 17:55:38 GMT -5
kewpie, that is hysterically funny.
I did talk to the teacher and explained what happened and she was very gracious and said no big deal. My son did the same with her. This issue was put to bed.
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Post by eoffg on Jan 16, 2014 4:54:50 GMT -5
If it was viewed as a creative writing exercise, it was notable: 'that she and the other kids are enthralled by his depiction of the trip and are very curious.'
Also: 'last year with another writing teacher when she told me about how wonderful his narration of the trip to the Australian Outback was.'
Could be a future travel writer?
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Post by vp4 on Jan 16, 2014 21:56:00 GMT -5
Could be a future travel writer? May be. I hope he makes enough money to take care of me when I am old, since I am sacrificing retirement savings for his education...  |
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Post by vp4 on Mar 21, 2014 18:45:23 GMT -5
My son was one of the students eligible for the National Honors Society this year because of his GPA and Community Service. I was thrilled of course. He needed to submit paperwork with details about GPA, community Service record over the last two years. I offered to assist multiple times. He said no need. He didn't meet the deadline.
Is it illegal to choke him? Just asking.
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Post by healthy11 on Mar 21, 2014 18:59:12 GMT -5
 I understand your frustration, but I urge you to look at the bright side, which is that your son did well enough to qualify for the Honor Society, even though he neglected to complete the paperwork. He's not submitting college applications yet, so he's got several more years to improve his "follow through" and hopefully he'll continue to participate in community service and maintain his academic standing so that he can join the Honor Society before then. |
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Post by shawbridge on Apr 15, 2014 10:35:12 GMT -5
My son also chose not to do the NHS, in part because he couldn't see the point and in part because there was a lot of required volunteer work. I was disappointed, but it didn't appear to hurt him. And, healthy's point is correct -- the good news is that he was invited.
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But I digress. Sometimes I think he is about 2-3 years behind his age, in maturity. I do recall as a teen telling a few tales myself to my friends, but nobody called me on it. 
