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Post by teacherabc on Jul 4, 2010 20:44:27 GMT -5
When I went to law school, I moved into an apartment with two girls that I had only met once. Except for the fact we were all law students (and one was a first year like me), everything was fine. Third year, I lived with two students who were not law students. That was fine. Second year was pure hell, however. The roommate that remained from first year turned into someone I did not recognize--went out with a horrible guy who practically lived there--did drugs and left everything a mess every night. The second roommate, who was new, was psychotic--decided she had to be popular (she was still mentally back in high school), decided I was dragging her down, and got back at me any way she coul including stealing my food, yelling at me in front of everyone else and pitting our third roomie against me. I knew none of them much at all and it was a mixed bag. I am figuring it was part of the experience. But I do not have ADHD. HP had a mixed bag too. Mark was fine; the other roomie who left during the year not so much. Now we will see what the new third roomie will be like (and thank God Mark will be back and they will be together because while everyone distracts him, Mark is about a good an influence as could be and looks out for him). In his case, it is not the roomie but Squirrelly who extended an offer to have him move in and he had the good sense to say no...it is so hard. I am hoping when my daughter goes to school, she will get good roommates.
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Post by healthy11 on Jul 5, 2010 9:15:54 GMT -5
dwolen, I am not a prejudiced person at all, and I have Asian friends, along with African-American, Iranian Muslim, etc. The reason I refer to the Asian roommate by his ethnicity is because people who have been "following" our story all along will be able to distinguish which guy it is. Supposedly we couldn't ever meet his parents, because his mother spoke no English and his father was always working in their family restaurant (yet the kid could never bring his own kitchenware, and would use my son's and the other kid's?) That boy also has a gambling problem, which I've come to learn is much more common given his ethnic background. Goodness knows why he took my vacuum and hasn't given it back. (Maybe he pawned it?) I'd guess his drug use and anger management issues tie together, but aren't related to his ethnicity. For a multitude of reasons, he's been an EXTREMELY difficult person to deal with.
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Post by dwolen on Jul 5, 2010 10:29:39 GMT -5
I did not mean to imply that you are prejudiced. I have no idea what ethnic group you are from. Some people , including myself, are hypersensitive sensitive to ethnic tagging.
Since I identify myself as a Jewish person here at millermom, some might assume that I am a caucasian Jewish person. But, I might be an African American, hispanic, east Indian, Iranian Jewish person.
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Post by majorv on Jul 5, 2010 12:55:38 GMT -5
I understood why you referred to the boy as Asian...using their initials could be an alternative I guess. Sounds like a bad situation from start to finish. Seriously, I'd think twice before paying for my son's next college apartment. I realize that there is no guarantee you won't get burned, but knowing all potential roommates much better would help minimize the risk. Healthy, I hope that the living conditions in the dorms, as well as the surrounding area, is much better than it was at your son's previous college!
I was lucky when I transferred to a mid-sized 4-year university as a junior. I lived at home for my first 2 years while attending the local CC. The university actually looked at the housing applications and tried to pair students based on their interests and backgrounds. I was pretty nervous about who they'd picked for me, but we got along great! We even roomed together, in a dorm, our senior year and we have stayed in touch over the years.
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Post by Mayleng on Jul 5, 2010 13:18:20 GMT -5
LOL! Healthy, personally, I can tell you that is not necessarily an ethnic predisposition.
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Post by healthy11 on Jul 5, 2010 15:34:51 GMT -5
This is from an article on time.com: "What's especially worrisome to mental-health experts is that, because of gambling's roots in the region's culture, Asians may be more vulnerable to habitual gambling. The cliché that Asians, and Chinese in particular, love to gamble appears to have anecdotal and statistical support. Hong Kong — which bars casinos but has a $13 billion horse-racing, lottery and sports-book industry — has one of the highest per capita betting averages in the world (about $2,000 annually), according to figures from the Hong Kong Jockey Club. And rates of addiction appear to be higher. A 2004 study by psychiatrists at the University of Queensland found that Chinese were almost 50% more likely to develop a gambling addiction than Caucasians. In the U.S., about 3.5% of people are classified as pathological and problem gamblers (more than the number of people who suffer from bipolar disorder, Alzheimer's disease or schizophrenia). In Hong Kong, 5.3% of the population suffers from problem and pathological gambling, according to the University of Hong Kong. Update on actual apartment situation: We emptied out 95% of my son's things today, and between Friday and today the "subletters" said they used a whole can of Raid, so the fruit flies aren't as bad as they were last week. The a-hole Asian roommate now says he won't return MY vacuum because he left a video game in my son's x-box at the end of school, and can't find it, even though I personally witnessed my son return it and place it by the TV when we were there on a previous trip. My son handed me the phone, and the #@$@!! doesn't even believe me. My son suggested we file another police report, this time for theft, but it wouldn't suprise me if the jerk would retaliate and "key" our car or do something else...I am glad I didn't give my son my "good" vacuum.
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Post by Mayleng on Jul 5, 2010 20:15:27 GMT -5
This guy sounds like a real piece of work. Good riddance.
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Post by healthy11 on Jul 6, 2010 9:23:26 GMT -5
It is discouraging to encounter jerks like that roommate, and to realize that my "gut instincts" when I first heard about him, were correct. (It emphasizes, once again, that my son does not "read" people well, like so many of our kids with ADHD/LDs. Our kids may technically be considered adults, but they clearly don't have enough life experience to make wise decisions all the time, and they still need our guidance....)
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Post by Mayleng on Jul 6, 2010 10:24:00 GMT -5
Healthy, not many people can read others. It takes experience which your son does not have. I can tell you my older son would probably have been taken in by this guy too because my son is the nice guy, easy going type who doesn't like to rock the boat. He doesn't have adhd or lds. MY ADDer is the "streetsmart" one, who does not let people take advantage of him. So I think it is personalities not LDs.
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Post by healthy11 on Aug 1, 2010 12:10:37 GMT -5
Well, yesterday was the end of my son's lease. I'd sent the landlady a letter telling her that my son's stuff was removed a month ago, but due to the other guys subletting their rooms, we couldn't clean anything. She actually phoned us earlier this week, asking for clarification of what the situation was as far as when the subletters were leaving, and we told her we weren't sure, because the communication between my son and the other guys was poor. I ended up telling her about the Asian guy threatening my son with a baseball bat, etc. and she mentioned he was always the one she had problems getting rent money from, etc. To make a long story short, we agreed to meet the landlady Saturday mid-afternoon, but we told her we'd be there mid-morning to clean, because we didn't know what condition the place would be in. Fast forward to yesterday morning: we walked in mid-morning to find the landlady there with a plumber, and the place was a pigsty. Clothes, furniture, food, dirty dishes, garbage was everywhere. She looked at us, and said, "I know this isn't your stuff, but the apartment needs to be empty and cleaned if you want your security money back." Then she said the other two roommates supposedly were planning to show up to return their keys, but she didn't know when. My husband and I decided to concentrate on cleaning the "fixtures" like the refrigerator, bathroom, etc. while our son attempted to identify the "things" strewn around, and throw them into each of the other guy's bedrooms. It was more difficult because the subletters stuff was also part of the mixture. Around noon, the "better" of my son's roommates showed up, alone, and he announced that he'd talked to the subletting guys, and they told him they already took what they wanted, and anything else could just be thrown out. While that sounds easy, it didn't take long to realize that at least one of the subletters had left "valuables" behind in the mess. I found a debit card and checkbook, library card, ipod, software, computer printer, etc. My son's roommate was literally just shoving everything into garbage bags, and that included clothing that I felt could be washed and donated to charity, etc. I finally told the guy I'd sort things, he should remove his furniture so we could then sweep and mop the floors. The guy had a perfectly serviceable sleeper-sofa and dresser, but instead of carryng them down the back stairs and leaving them in the alley for some less fortunate family to take, the jerk literally "heaved" items over the railing and broke them. Later, the anger-management challenged Asian roommate came, and did virtually the same thing, throwing out many serviceable items. My son could see I was seething, but he said, "Don't tell them what to do; wait until they're gone, then if you want to go back and get stuff for donations...." It was a long day, and after hours of cleaning, I didn't have the time or energy to go through every bag of trash again, but I did salvage some items. In addition to lots of clothing, I found two sets of bath towels with tags that had never been used, unopened boxes of TP and kleenex, detergent, etc. It's pathetic that these kids are so lazy and self-centered that they don't appreciate the value of (their parents) money, and apparently can't see the less fortunate people in the neighborhood around them being able to use some of the stuff like furniture that they destroyed.......I told my son that I don't EVER want to see him being so wasteful, and he said he knows. He also told the landlady, as we were leaving, that he has learned a lot, and that's why he will be living back in a dorm next semester at his new college, in the hopes of avoiding similar problems. The landlady said she has two college-age kids of her own, and most still need parental guidance. She felt our son was the most responsible of the bunch because he had our help, and so indicated she would give us our security deposit back, although the Asian kid would not, because now, among other things, he claimed he "lost" his set of keys, so she'll probably have to change all the locks again......
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Post by dwolen on Aug 1, 2010 12:50:31 GMT -5
While reading this, I was thinking that it was a real learning experience for your son, cleaning his first apartment with his mom and dad. And then you related what your son said to his landlady.
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Post by healthy11 on Aug 2, 2010 12:47:37 GMT -5
Without a doubt, many of life's learning experiences come from places other than textbooks! Of course, when a student's living conditions are such a mess, it's bound to have an impact on their academics, too. The "moral of the story" and this thread, I believe, is that while having an apartment sounds like an "attractive" option to many college kids, it can be a lot more hassle than they expect!
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Post by mamak on Aug 6, 2010 10:37:11 GMT -5
Well all I have to say is what an experience that must have been. As a landlord Ive seen some pretty dirty apartments over the years. I think there are problems with all age tenants not just the younger ones but some people never grow up and do not appreciate or respect other peoples property no mater how old they are. Others do and they get their deposits back every time at least I have always been fair about that. .
On that note my DD will move into her first apartment next Monday. I've read this thread over the year and have taken into consideration what your DS and you have gone through. DD is moving in with a friend from work also going up to San Fransisco State as a Jr for her nursing degree. My dd would probably not do well in a dorm situation and even stated she would rather go to school locally if forced to stay in a dorm. Dorms were about $1100. a month up there and with the two girls sharing a one bedroom for about $750. a month each including electricity, internet, renter insurance. Considering that my DD would not eat the food included with the dorm fees I think we are saving a bit of money doing it this way.
We've met the girls parents , know each others girls and will be required to sign the lease along with the girls. The apartment is leased for the months they will be in school. The rent was a bit more $25.00 a month to rent for less than a year lease but we wont have the problem of paying over the summer or sub leasing.
My biggest worry is how long will it take for the room mate to get tired of my dd the slob who doesn't clean her room, dumps the entire content of her closet every time she goes out and always has a craft or sewing project going. Sure hope they last the school year and the following year would be even better. Perhaps my dd will take pride in having her own place and keep it cleaner but I highly doubt it she cant even figure out where to place an apple core when she is done eating the apple.
Other than that it has been fun getting ready for the move. We've spent the summer taking old cast away furniture and making them look new by reupholstering, refinishing and painting. The cost to furnish the place has been a couple hundred dollars with garage sales, salvation army and craigslist treasures. 2 nightstands free + paint (same as dining table Dining table$1.00 + $16.00 refinishing materials 4 Chairs $36.00 + $20.00 upholstery used highboy dresser $50.00 _ paint 5.00 2 chairs + 25.00 upholstery Twin Bed from home Sofa - Free abandoned at my rental needed a cleaning. It is a neutral color but DD might sew a cover to make it go better with the rest of the stuff....I'm sure she will hold out and not pay much more that a couple bucks a yard for the fabric as she is cheaper than me most of the time.
We have to rent a one way Uhaul trailer ($100. to get her up there with all this stuff but I think it is cheaper than hunting furniture down on the cheap when we get their and finding a way to transport it when she and her room mate don't own a truck. If she ended up renting a room next year she could sell or dispose of this stuff without any heartbreak.
The kitchen stuff including a microwave was donated to the room mate from people at her church and they picked up what they still needed at Ikea. I picked up a cheap toaster oven at JC Penny for $20 when they were on sale.
We still need to pick up a coffee table vacuum, some towels for the bathroom and they have their eye on a book shelf from IKea that we may purchase when we get up there. I have a lead on a small safe from Craigslist that I'll go look at. The seller said it will fit her camera and computer plus if she does waitress job up there she will need to learn to lock up her tips. I am also going to insist she lock up all but a week of her 90 day supply of Adderall so it does not go missing if they have guests. Ya just never know.
I will probably stock the kitchen with food, stock up on her deodorant, shampoo, personal products, TP etc. I'll put some cleaning supplies under the counter with hopes she may actually lift a finger once in a while.
Anyway the girls are exceptionally responsible for their age, they both have gotten up to be at work by 6AM on the weekends for the last several years even if they did go out late the night before on Friday and Saturday. Just hoping they stay on the same path they have been on or something that at least resembles this.
If anyone has any suggestions or sees something I've forgotten please chime in so I don't forget anything.
I'll probably end up with a thread of my own if things end up going to hell but keeping my fingers crossed.
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Post by healthy11 on Aug 6, 2010 11:15:56 GMT -5
Mamak, Although I'm surprised your daughter's college doesn't require freshmen to live on campus in a dorm, it sounds like your experience as a landlord makes you well-prepared to have your daughter rent an apartment. Whether she's ready is another story, but at least both of you already know who she's going to be staying with.
One thing I may have neglected to mention earlier in this thread is that I would NOT recommend students change all of their mail delivery to their college apartment address. If friends want to sent cards and non-critical snail-mail to their apartment, it's fine. On the other hand, while it might seem like a "grown up" idea to have students take care of paying their own bills (assuming they get paper statements and don't do all their banking online) I think it's a LOT safer to have most mail continue to be sent to the parent's home address, especially if the students don't have a full-year lease and might not return to the same apartment next year. It seems like we've heard more cases of mail never arriving (perhaps being stolen?) from apartments and even if you don't have that problem, the post office often takes a long time to forward mail when you first move in, and definitely when you move out. Assuming that your student still talks to you on a fairly regular basis, and/or they see you on visits home or if you travel to see them, you can always tell them what amounts are due, and/or have a joint checking account with them to pay the charges.
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Post by majorv on Aug 6, 2010 19:25:49 GMT -5
mamak, it sounds like you have things pretty much in hand. I think that the girls already knowing each other certainly helps. Sharing one bedroom may be a challenge. Is the bedroom big enough so each girl can have their own area? My daughter and her friend are renting a 2 bedroom. Her friend just has to have some privacy so a 1 bedroom wasn't an option. They're in a small college town so the rent is very reasonable - about $590/month excluding electricity and cable. Our share is half that.
healthy, I guess I differ with you on who should be responsible for paying the bills. I guess it kind of depends on your kids, but I felt they needed to handle the bills. The other girl's mother wanted to handle it for them. In the end, she agreed to let them do it, and as far as I know they are doing a pretty good job of paying the rent and utilities without our reminders. I think we'd hear about if they weren't because the utilites and cable/internet are in ours or the other parent's names. I agree about not having all their mail go to the apts though. Except for the bills, my daughter's mail still comes to our house.
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Post by healthy11 on Aug 6, 2010 20:26:02 GMT -5
majorv, I guess I didn't exactly convey what I meant; I think it's fine to have students take care of their own bills, but not if it means bills are sent to the apartment address. My son thought it would be a good idea to have his bank and credit card statements sent to his apartment at first, but he ended up not ever getting the one bill (whether one of his roommates got the mail from the box that day and didn't give it to him, or whether USPS misdirected it, or something else happened, we'll never know) but my son isn't the organized type of person who thinks to himself about "Gee, I ought to be getting a Visa bill mid-month..." and then takes the initiative to call for a duplicate statement before the due date if it doesn't come. In our case, it made far more sense for the bills to be sent to our house, then I could set them aside and have him write the checks when he was home for the weekends, or opt to take care of it if it was mostly things we'd pay for, anyway. (ie, he has a couple of credit cards, and uses one to charge books, fees, and other school expenses)
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Post by majorv on Aug 6, 2010 21:51:15 GMT -5
Okay, I see. I was referring to utility bills coming to the apartment. My dd and friend put something on the refrigerator door noting when the bills are expected/due for rent, electricity and cable/internet. It seems to work for them.
My daughter has a credit card in her name but the account is in my name so I get the bill. I haven't decided when to put it into her name so she can start building credit.
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Post by healthy11 on Aug 6, 2010 22:31:41 GMT -5
Majorv, from the sounds of it, your daughter already sounds pretty responsible, and if she hasn't taken advantage of the privilege of having a credit card through you, I think she'd do okay with her own, too. I know you've seen the other discussion thread I wrote, titled "Building Your Credit Score Is Important," and I was definitely concerned about whether my ADHD son would abuse his first credit card, but he didn't. Having a good record with the first card enabled him to qualify for a second with a higher limit that also offers " points perks." He actually has a third card now, too, which offers a cashback bonus. He's getting better about "maximizing" the perks, because some months card A will have special rewards for one category of purchase (ie, groceries) and the next month card B will offer rewards on another item (ie, gasoline) and he does switch between which one to use accordingly. Most months, his personal portion of the total bills is generally under $100, with the rest being stuff like school supplies, etc. that we reimburse. So far, so good...
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Post by mamak on Aug 7, 2010 0:44:41 GMT -5
I had assumed they would have gotten a 2 bedroom apartment but SF is one of they highest housing markets in the state so I was relived to see they were being thoughtful about cash flow. I think the one bedroom is 1275. a month then we have utilities. The apartment overall is an older one so pretty there is room. 2 large closets, one for each girl. The bedroom has room for 2 beds and 2 nightstands and 2 dressers but they had to be the tall type. They want a sofa sleeper for company but it could also serve as an escape from one another. I also think they have different schedules at school so they will have some time to themselves.
What I liked about this place is that they have pretty good policy on their leases and if you want to upgrade to a larger or smaller place you can do that at any time. If you need to break the lease you do not have to pay the entire lease in full you just have to pay a one month penalty. For now the smaller place is just right for them while they get their bearings and find part time jobs so they have a little money to call their own.
DD might already have some freelance work coming her way doing reviews and photographing bands....something she looks at as getting paid to do what she loves to do. She recently started to get paid to do this here after doing it for free about a year she got her name out and the employers have told her that she could do this up there as well. The only thing holding her back is her age which keeps her out of the shows unless they are all age shows. Some venues don't allow press passes to anyone under 21 which prevented her from having the golden opportunity to interview Willie Nelson and Taylor Swift. She was very bummed when they found out after asking her to cover some big names but then finding out how old she was and they canceled her. For the time being, I hope she doesn't let her waitress muscles wither because she will be expected to contribute for some of her personal expenses.
Oh and on the mail thing. She pays her bills online. She just ordered checks so she could pay rent and utilities. She was a little worried about her medications being delivered because our old insurance once sent her Adderal requiring a 21 year old signature. Our new insurance does not require that. So it doesn't look like it will be a problem. She will keep most of her mail coming to our address for now and we all bank at the same bank so transferring funds to her for her housing bills should work unless something goes wrong with that plan. She merged her cell phone plan on to ours which cut her phone down to 10 dollars a month down from 60.
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Post by majorv on Aug 7, 2010 8:50:25 GMT -5
The sleeper sofa is probably a good idea, plus you want to be able to have a quiet place to study. Even though my dd has her own bedroom she says she can't study in her room...a mind thing, I guess. If she has something major to work on she'll go to the campus library, which is within walking distance.
Having linked bank accounts does make it a lot easier to send them money if they need it. She has a separate account to pay rent/utility from so I put a couple months worth payments, and $ for groceries, in her account just before she needs it.
I hope your dd can pick up some freelance work in SF. My degree is in Journalism, and for a couple of years after college I worked on a couple of small to midsize newspapers. Like your daughter, I was being paid to do what I really enjoyed doing. Unfortunately, it didn't pay enough for me to be able to live on my own and so I was forced to change careers.
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Post by healthy11 on Oct 13, 2010 13:15:07 GMT -5
I realize my son's apartment situation was anything BUT typical, however it has given me some insight into yet another aspect of things to consider when renting a place:
When my son and his roommates initially moved in, the agreement was that each boy would have one of the utilities in his name, then at the end of each month, they'd total up all the costs, and reimburse one another accordingly. My son had electricity service in his name. After the roommates decided to sublet their rooms for the summer, we had a verbal agreement from the subletters to pay for the electric, but after an initial "partial payment," it became a steady list of "excuses." (ie, Guy A wasn't around, and Guy B couldn't find his checkbook, etc.)
After months of my sending email and snail mail reminders, and calling one of the subletters parents (I stumbled across the contact info while cleaning the mess they left behind) I FINALLY received a check for the electric bills this past weekend, and my bank confirmed it cleared today. In retrospect, if my son was ever in a similar situation again, I would either turn off the utilities the day he moved out, and let the subletters start service in their own names, OR insist on a WRITTEN CONTRACT with subletters that outlines their responsibilities, in terms of rent/utility/security deposit charges.
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Post by majorv on Oct 15, 2010 12:40:33 GMT -5
The moral of this story is...don't sublet your apartment to those you don't know well (or at all)!
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Post by healthy11 on Oct 15, 2010 13:21:46 GMT -5
Majorv, my son DIDN'T sublet his room....the other guys sublet their rooms without asking my son. I was actually surprised their lease didn't have a restriction on subletting, but I couldn't find one when I went back to look. My son intended to pay the rent for his portion, thinking he would return to the apartment for this coming year, and that way he wouldn't have to put his stuff into storage, etc. (That's also why we didn't want to turn off the electricity in his name, because some utility companies charge re-connection fees.) As it turned out, he decided to transfer to a different college, and we ended up moving his stuff out before the end of the lease just to "protect" his belongings from the other kids...I hope we don't ever have to deal with that kind of situation again...
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Post by healthy11 on Jun 25, 2016 16:21:32 GMT -5
Although this thread was started years ago, I think there is still valuable information to be shared, especially as a "new crop of kids" are entering the apartment-renting phase of life. Here's a new article: www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2016/06/25/rent-roommates-finances-credit/86099674/(By the way, for people who might not have followed my son's "journey," he graduated from college and now owns his own house, and actually has shifted to a role of landlord by renting out rooms to his co-workers. He makes sure everyone signs a lease that clarifies "the details" and so far, things have been working out.)
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