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Post by mamak on Nov 24, 2008 12:05:19 GMT -5
I have a new driver in my house, she is a good kid, never skips school, doesn't run with a bad crowd but of course I worry when she is out in the car. She has a very busy schedule and has been coming and going a lot. The rule is to call mom or dad each and every time she comes and she goes so we know she is safe. Problem is sometimes she calls mom and sometimes she calls dad and we are not always togeather so one or the other is always asking where is H, did she call? Our cell phone company has a new feature where it keeps track of where the phone is. It can email you when she arrives at school and you can search where she is when she is late. If she calls lost you can help her out when you know where she is. Okay those are the good features what about the privacy of a now 17 year old? My DH is so crazy when she is not home that I just thought I should try it out, but...? She is a beautiful tiny little girl (5' 98 lbs) and my DH is and always has worried that someone will steal her. (his untreated anxiety)
I can see how this would benefit a younger child to see if they made it to school on the bus. made it to friends house etc. Do you think it is too invasive for a teen who has not demonstrated any reason for us to question where she is.
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Post by Mayleng on Nov 24, 2008 12:15:34 GMT -5
I suggest you talk to your dd about her she feels about that. Tell her you are not trying to invade her privacy but it is for safety reasons especially these days when there are really bad people around. Also that it would help ease your hubby's anxiety (I am sure she is aware of your hubby's anxiety). She might surprise you and tell you she is ok with it being she may not have to keep calling you guys to let you know where she is.
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Post by rw on Nov 24, 2008 12:29:20 GMT -5
I don't think it is unreasonable at all. I wouldn't sneak and do it. I would be up front and tell her. Since she doesn't have anything to hide, it shouldn't be a problem. This day and age, you can't be too careful. You are not really checking up on her, just making sure she gets to where she needs to be safely.
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Post by bros on Nov 24, 2008 12:39:43 GMT -5
To me it sounds like a teen lojack. Which is a pretty funny image in my mind.
Now on topic, ask her what she thinks.
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Post by mykids on Nov 24, 2008 13:12:34 GMT -5
I would definatly talk it over with your daughter first. She may be more open to it then you think, after all it is for your ease of mind not her lack of responsibility and will only be looked at when you feel she should have called by now. However, I would still continue to require her to call you directly. This is just a back up to what you are now doing.
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suej
Full Member
Posts: 42
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Post by suej on Nov 24, 2008 13:17:58 GMT -5
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Post by jw on Nov 24, 2008 13:38:50 GMT -5
Hi! I think this is a great option (I would love to use it with dh, who tends to lose track of time when he is out). With some kids, if they object to it they will just leave their phones at home, though, so it is definitely worth getting the child's "buy-in" before trying it. Good luck, jw
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 24, 2008 13:51:37 GMT -5
Isn't that service called "Mom-Star"? I think it's a very useful idea.... saves lots of time on arguments about miscommunication. Wasn't there a part where you can modify "how much" information you want from the service. There's also a "tracking" system you can purchase that attaches to the vehicles. Even for our daughter in college, it's a "what if" back up plan.
My kids generally are "out" with large groups of friends or family. Their curfews are more about "what else is going on" between where they are and home than what they are doing. In our business, we regularly track where accidents and fatalities occur around town and I make sure my kids see the list every few weeks.
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Post by mamak on Nov 24, 2008 14:27:05 GMT -5
Here is the deal with Papa Bear. He drives me nuts when she is out like the time she went to a Prom with a very respectable boy that specifically ask what time would you like me to have your DD home Mr. Papa Bear? Which he did not give the boy a specific response. So when it started to get late he starts pacing and acting like it is my fault she was not home by the time he started to get anxious. I knew the plan of the evening which included going to friends house after with parents present so anticipated it to be later than the usual be home time. The other night she spent the night at a friend's house after a very long night backstage at her school play which we BTW attended. She called when she arrived at friends house but did not have the land line# so she was to call us back with it but didn't because her and her friend who both have been working on the play not getting home till 11:00 every night for the last week passed out because they were exhausted. Her phone ran out of battery and papa bear goes frantic, pacing and acting like it was my fault which I purposely have been letting him make the decisions for going out just because of this.
The service does not work unless the phone is on. I like getting check in calls and hearing her voice. I do not like text messaging. If we use this service I think that it will be a good thing however I have a feeling that she will think we do not trust her and for sure if she did go anywhere that she shouldn't be knowing the limits of the service hell I'ld turn my phone off too. This then would defet Papa Bear's intentions of perhaps keeping her where he can see her at all times. He does not look at her as a young adult and his behavior is pushing her away. I don't know how he can not remember how it was when he was a young adult but his reply is that is why he is like he is. He even gives the nice boys she goes out with the stink eye. Once he put his phone number on a target as in target practice sheet with the bulls eye shot (air soft but the kid didn't know) out to her date date. Then he told him he had 40 acres out back and a shovel. Thought it was funny that time but he treats them like they are the enemy without even sitting down and getting to know them.
Now I have a friend who had a very wild DD who would just not come home and she put one of those devices in her kids car and tracked her down a few times. She had been kicked out of school for pot too.
This is not my DD she is a good kid (so far). We are able to talk about relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol. I keep telling him that it is inevitable yes your kid will not always be perfect and yes she may actually have S E X someday probably not today tomorrow or next month but maybe you just never know and do you really want to know exactly who and when? Did your parents know who and when? I just would like him to stop punishing her away for being what he remembers 17 was like for him and respect her for how smart and morally sound she is. You would think she was somebody else's kid considering how wild both DH and I were at her age. I say she would be furious and dh says what she don't know wont hurt her.
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 24, 2008 15:40:20 GMT -5
OMG!!!!! My hubby started getting crazy about the time he discovered his daughters had "girl parts"...... of course, you should see how nuts the guy cousins get. They'll even turn on their best friends for being interested in any of the girl cousins... Dating gets complicated when you have that many relatives!
Thanksgiving ought to be interesting. Liz is bringing her current boyfriend to dinner with my relatives..... who by no means believe in being polite or friendly. He's not into hunting or anything else that could buy him a margin of safety from my family.
I have to feel for your husband, my mother loves to remind me that hubby and I both had far more freedom than I've given my kids at the same age. We still get together with our college friends every couple of years..... I've noticed that the older our kids get, the cleaner and straighter our college stories get!
I'd sell the tracker to "H" as a safety net, just in case and a great way to keep Pappa Bear occupied. Daughter #2 has been babysitting at the other end of the county and I've been making her call in before she gets on the road since there are a number of bars between here and there.
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Post by rw on Nov 24, 2008 16:27:17 GMT -5
"Our cell phone company has a new feature where it keeps track of where the phone is."
I wonder how specific it is. Does it say XYZ Restaurant or just give a street address?
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Post by bros on Nov 24, 2008 17:15:43 GMT -5
"Our cell phone company has a new feature where it keeps track of where the phone is." I wonder how specific it is. Does it say XYZ Restaurant or just give a street address? I'm guessing it shows GPS coordinates with street mapping
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Post by mamak on Nov 24, 2008 17:28:21 GMT -5
I pulled my phone up and it gave the address next door. It is not completely precise and does not give you specific names or even an address every time. It actually has satellite photos so you can really get an idea of the location if it looks like a shopping mall or a residential neighborhood. But if your kid is supposed to be at the school and is still standing at the bus stop. You can actually set it up so if your kid gets to school it texts or emails you. If your kid gets home form a late night and missed curfue you will have a record of that too if you chose to monitor this. It would be really good if your kid was running a muck because you could see where.lol
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 24, 2008 20:01:22 GMT -5
Interesting....
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Post by bros on Nov 24, 2008 20:23:58 GMT -5
Well that is typical for GPS units. Depending on the... quality of a GPS unit, it can be accurate within 50 feet for a hand held one. A cell phone has a smaller one, so it is probably less accurate, and probably something more like 300 feet or something
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Post by healthy11 on Nov 24, 2008 20:57:07 GMT -5
When my teen first started driving, we also insisted that he phone us when he got to the place, and phone us when he was leaving to come home, or if he was changing his plans and going anywhere else in between. After half a year or so without incident, we started to relax a bit. I guess I'm wondering how much the service costs, and if it's really going to be worth it in the long run....(Not that she's the kind of kid who would do it, but if she really wants to avoid your tracking, she can just leave the phone at a friend's house, and go elsewhere...and as you've noted, if the battery dies, will that worry you even more?)
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Post by mamak on Nov 24, 2008 23:05:45 GMT -5
It is only $5.00 a month for the family. My big issue is with the invasion of privacy when she has not done anything but be an awesome kid. I wouldn't wan to be monitored. Does Daddy's anxiety override? For my DS I would definitely use this but I have avoided the phone thing with him so far however will probably be squeezed for one in the near future.
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Post by Babs on Nov 25, 2008 0:02:51 GMT -5
I don't see a problem with it. It gives you an idea that she is where she is supposed to be and you can assume from that, she is safe. Its not like it is telling you who she is with and what she is doing. I'd present it to her as "a lot of things can happen and it will give your father peace of mind to see you are in the area you said you were going to. If anything should happen we will know where to find you, etc."
Unless she tells you she is going somewhere and then goes somewhere else, I don't see why she would be that upset by it. Let her know you won't use it unless there is reason for concern, such as she is way past the time she said she would be home or there was a bad accident somewhere on a route she would normally take and you want the peace of mind you can get from seeing she is either past that area or hasn't reached it yet, that type of thing.
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Post by mamak on Nov 25, 2008 8:25:31 GMT -5
Babs seems to have a good way of presenting it to her. I have seen her drive off and then heard fire trucks a few times and it has made me worry before. Plus the no passenger rule for a year after you get your license puts her alone wherever she goes in her car for another 6 months. I still have a little bit of a problem because she wants to be independent and that is like wearing a police ankle bracelet. Then again she is still a kid and we are paying for he phone.
Can you imagine having a stalker boyfriend or jealous hubby or wife with this kind of info? Remember the days when the only phone was the house phone on the wall in the kitchen with the 10 foot cord? Life used to be far less complicated that's for sure.
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Post by mamak on Nov 25, 2008 8:54:27 GMT -5
Healthy said - (Not that she's the kind of kid who would do it, but if she really wants to avoid your tracking, she can just leave the phone at a friend's house, and go elsewhere...and as you've noted, if the battery dies, will that worry you even more?) this kids lifeline is her phone she would never leave it anywhere but in her pocket or attached to her ear. Bros - still doing the geocashes? Now my DH and DS have 4 that they have hidden now. SIDS - Love those uncomfortable first time meeting the family scenes. Not even a hunter??? Just seems like a lot of boys are a bit candy arsed now that the cars are pretty impossible to work on, you can buy instead of bulid just about anything and many have not participated in things like 4h have no real hands on experience in taking the bull by the horns. Speaking of bulls, nmy dd uses her hands on experience banding her baby bull Justin to keep boys at a distance. If they know she is capable of that they best behave and show their respect. LOL
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Post by healthy11 on Nov 25, 2008 9:51:53 GMT -5
mamak, my son also considers his phone his lifeline (last month's bill showed almost 4,000 text messages!?) but that doesn't mean he hasn't forgotten it accidently in places.....from what I've seen, the kids routinely borrow one another's cell phones if they momentarily can't find there own! (So if you had a kid who did want to "deceive" you as to their whereabouts, they might just swap phones with a friend, who is staying home, while they go elsewhere....it doesn't sound like your daughter is that type of person, but other parents kid's might not be so honest.)
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 25, 2008 10:26:21 GMT -5
"H" is smart.... just roll your eyes and remind her that it will get her dad to chill out until he get's tired of being paranoid...
The poor guy is in for it.... he can handle the Geek/musician aspect but he's in trouble with the rest of it. It really is sad how few guys can work on their own trucks, weld or drive a tractor....
Poor Justin... I sure do miss him! Which reminds me I have to find a rabbit sitter while we go hunting. We thought about taking him with us, like the rest of the relatives do with their dogs, but figured that at some point hunting dogs and house rabbits don't mix!
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Post by mamak on Nov 25, 2008 11:05:09 GMT -5
SISD - "H" is smart.... just roll your eyes and remind her that it will get her dad to chill out until he get's tired of being paranoid... What a perfect way ....yes that will be how I will break the news that she is now wearing a GPS and we will know her every move.
I have a thought on the rabbit/hunting thing. Ya knoooow if you took care of the rabbit you would not have to even go hunting........................Honestly I am just kidding I promise!!!!! What do you hunt for? I've never been. The thought of killing Bambi never sat well with me but then raising livestock for food is kind of the same or perhaps worse.
Poor Justin I miss him so much. I really enjoyed having him with us. I was just telling my DH how much I missed having him and he pulled out my Bday card and it was a card with a silly looking bull with googly eyes. Made me laugh but also a little sad. The thought of getting another one has crossed my mind. H has no desire to raise one for 4H as she is so busy and may not raise even a lamb this year. B is smart enough to know baby calfs are way too much work and will have nothing to do with them. I may consider this in the spring when it warms up. Heck we don't even have a dog since ours moved on which is just plan wrong. I need animals in my life.
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 25, 2008 14:52:42 GMT -5
Speaking of the Cell, I just got our cell bill and had to call Liz and ask "who" was the text message offender on her phone... (we broke down and added a limited text option to our plan last summer).... you guessed it.... the boyfriend..... hhhhmmmm, that ought to liven up Thanksgiving when Dad sees the text bill he just paid! Boyfriend might be learning some of those "rural" values cleaning out Grandad's horse lot in the cold rain. I think we're mostly going out for deer and wild turkey, possibly some wild boar. We have permission to go out on some old ranch properties this year. The flocks are mind boggling, some of them are over a 1000 birds. We're still debating taking the rabbit along, I just don't see him enjoying traveling all that much. Of course, I told hubby that I would get him a leash so we could "walk" the 35lb beast at the rest areas..... talk about a spectacle..... can't you just see all those little old ladies with their Chihuahuas flipping out! District Food Show is next weekend.... another 6 hour trip! Middle two qualified.... Jess has to get started on her scholarship app pretty soon, those are due Feb 1... all 24 pages!
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Post by mamak on Nov 25, 2008 17:52:39 GMT -5
OMG I don't understand how these kids feel they are in a relationship when all they do is text each other. It boggles my mind. Two kids sitting home on a Friday night texting back and forth happy as can be. Just plain weird. H has unlimited on a shared plan with me her BF before the last one liked to talk and she used up all minutes the last one all they did was text. She is boyless at the moment so it is mainly a combination of girl talk and testing.
She just called after school to ask if she could go to Disneyland. She would let me know when she got there. Well guess who got the text when she arrived at Disneyland? See what I mean.
I tell ya with a big ol rabbit like that I don't see the point in leaving the house to go hunting just set it loose in the yard. The dogs probably would take care of it without having to pull the trigger.
Don't leave him in the car he will freeze to death. Isn't it cold out there? My friend is in Galveston cleaning up and she had to send home for her winter coat.
So this is how hunting savvy I am... when you shoot a bird doesn't it get a bunch of holes in it?
Well I am a real good shot with my son's air soft gun shooting cans in the back yard, better than the boys at least. Perhaps I could join you someday to see how one shoots a wild turkey. We have outs sent out to be processed because the thought of doing that just is repulsive to me. Hey you have a real good time and stay safe.
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Post by Mayleng on Nov 25, 2008 18:12:46 GMT -5
Like mamak, I also have the same question, if you shoot a bird wouldn't there be a bunch of holes in it?
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Post by mamak on Nov 25, 2008 18:39:28 GMT -5
Yes SISD inquiring mind S want to know.
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Post by sisdparent on Nov 25, 2008 18:54:29 GMT -5
Unless you're unaccountably close, there's not that many holes and they are tiny and not much of a problem.... Turkeys are large birds and fairly easy to clean. Cleaning anything larger than that get's classified as "men's work". It's Dove and Quail I refuse to clean! But mostly it's the buckshot you have to watch out for! I'm still recovering from Disneyland last Christmas! We're around to 30 over night right now, but most of the days are in the 70's. Galveston is pretty much the same, but they have the "wet air" off the ocean that makes it feel colder than it is. North Texas is expecting rain and 30-40 this weekend, so we'll be taking the coats along! Come on down and we'll at least kill alot of tin cans! I don't get the texting thing.... maybe there's less room for misunderstandings when they have to put everything in writing
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Post by bros on Nov 25, 2008 18:59:10 GMT -5
I dunno what the deal with texting is either. When eating a bird with buckshot in it, do you have to use a metal detector to find stray shots?
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Post by Mayleng on Nov 25, 2008 19:37:20 GMT -5
What happens if you missed a buckshot, and someone actually bites into it or swallows it? LOL!
You want cold come up North. We are expecting Lake effects snow for Thanksgiving.
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