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Post by TerryB on May 29, 2004 14:50:51 GMT -5
Guys, My 8 year old daughter with mild ADHD is not identified yet so I know little about identification. My 5 year old has OCD and Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthriitis. She will have the arthritis identified but I'm not sure if I should formally identify the OCD. The school psychologist and the Kindergarten teacher already know because I've talked with them and we've discussed what interventions might be needed. The school psychologist hinted that everyone that Ryan comes in contact with would be informed about the OCD if she has a 504 for it. This could be really bad, if true, because people are naturally ignorant about OCD and might think that my daughter is crazy and might treat her differently. Classroom moms might not want their children to associate too closely with my daughter and other moms might be told. These are my fears at any rate. The school is probably trying to intimidate me into not getting the 504 because of the legal implications but there may actually be good reasons for me not to formally identify the OCD. The OCD may not even reveal itself at school so why should everyone know about it. What do you guys think?
Terry
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Post by Mayleng on May 29, 2004 15:18:44 GMT -5
Terry, first of all, even if she had a 504, the school personel has no business telling the moms anything about your daughter. I would base my decision on what accomodations your child needs. If she needs accomodations for OCD then I would have her identified, if not, then don't say anything. They are not supposed to tell anyone who comes into contact with her about her OCD unless that person happens to be the teacher who needs to know because she has to do the accomodations. I would tell the psych that if any of the school personnel were to give confidential medical info about your child to anyone even "classroom Moms - they are not school personnel" then they would be facing a lawsuit from you.
You could always let it go first, see how Ryan does, and if you find out that accomodations are needed, you can request for a 504 whenever you decide.
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Post by chaknine on May 29, 2004 17:53:11 GMT -5
Mayleng is right! Confidentiality is at its peak right now. It has never been more important, or inforced than it is at this time. If your daughter needs something do not let fear of confidential info leaking out stop you. I would tell them so too. Shelli
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Post by TerryB on May 29, 2004 17:56:46 GMT -5
Good point but I'm wondering if confidentiality issues are not a high priority for some backwards districts. My daughter's teachers have slipped info. to me about other students in the past.
Mayleng, why do you think a school administrator would try to discourage parents from seeking a 504? My advocate says he doesn't know why but if I did know then perhaps I could reassure them. I really am not the type to seek a law suit very easily if that is the issue. Parents who go the legal route tend to end up leaving the district or going to private school. The school really has one over on you when they are your child's caretaker.
Terry
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Post by MomX2 on May 29, 2004 21:26:40 GMT -5
I don't even pretend to know the answers to what is the best choice in these situations. I've found that it can be both good & bad that people learn my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. I have so much conflict over this. The first thing I think is "what if the diagnosis is wrong"? Now everyone thinks she has ADHD and if the diagnosis changes then what? What will they think about her and how does it affect her when she knows that they know?
And then I've also found that some people have become so much more friendly since they found out. They actually seem to care and seem to want to help. Maybe that is partly because I've told them that a child with ADHD does their best when they receive support from the community which is the truth. I try to let people know what the good things about my daughter are. At the same time I try to recognize the good things about them or their kids because I don't want to give them the impression I'm only focused on my daughter. I suppose if she were the only one I ever said anything good about they might start to think I was bragging instead of just trying to help them understand her better.
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Post by Mayleng on May 31, 2004 14:13:21 GMT -5
Good point but I'm wondering if confidentiality issues are not a high priority for some backwards districts. My daughter's teachers have slipped info. to me about other students in the past. Mayleng, why do you think a school administrator would try to discourage parents from seeking a 504? My advocate says he doesn't know why but if I did know then perhaps I could reassure them. I really am not the type to seek a law suit very easily if that is the issue. Parents who go the legal route tend to end up leaving the district or going to private school. The school really has one over on you when they are your child's caretaker. Terry Terry, the schools do not like to do a Section 504, because they don't get funding for that. Section 504 is Civil, which means if they violate it, they can be sued (schools and teachers) in Civil court. If you got your child DX as LD and they do an IEP, then they get Federal funding. So don't worry about the suing the school, I meant to just "scare" them. The school Admin is playing a game with you to try and discourage you from seeking a 504, which your child is entitled to. It's extra work for them to accomodate a child. Sometimes the 504 is more powerful than and IEP. To learn more about your child's rights go to: www.reedmartin.com and www.wrightslaw.com
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Post by TerryB on Jun 3, 2004 6:13:41 GMT -5
Thanks Chaknine, Momx2, Mayleng,
I have an embarassingly dumb question. My advocate feels that I should bake something for the CSE meeting (Special Ed meeting). He says it will put everyone at ease and people tend to think that Mom's who bake are good moms. The problem that I have is that I don't like feeling like I am trying to bribe them. This might be my foolish pride though. I'm wondering how many of you think that it is good advice to bake something for this meeting?
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 3, 2004 8:12:21 GMT -5
Thanks Chaknine, Momx2, Mayleng, I have an embarassingly dumb question. My advocate feels that I should bake something for the CSE meeting (Special Ed meeting). He says it will put everyone at ease and people tend to think that Mom's who bake are good moms. The problem that I have is that I don't like feeling like I am trying to bribe them. This might be my foolish pride though. I'm wondering how many of you think that it is good advice to bake something for this meeting? Terry I know some parents who have brought cookies or something for the meeting, but most generally don't. I personally won't do it because I don't want people to think I need to "make nice" to get them to do what is right for my kid. Besides, they can see right through this. You don't need to prove you are a good mom by baking cakes (there are lots of good moms who don't bake- me included ;D). I would keep a close eye on your advocate (an advocate is there to make sure your child's rights are not violated and to help get the necessary services for your child, not to encourage bake goods for meetings). Just be courteous, polite but don't be intimated by the school. You are an EQUAL member of the IEP team, and YOU are the only one who has the best interest of your child. To everybody else it is a job. Don't yell and shout or lose your cool. If you are not sure, don't give an immediate answer, tell them you will get back to them. Take notes or tape the meeting. Don't sign anything until you have had time to think about it.
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Post by Dakotah on Jun 3, 2004 8:17:36 GMT -5
Hello TerryB! Every IEP meeting we go to I have brought a treat for the team. I have never thought of it as a bribe before and am actually a little embarassed now thinking that it looks like one OOPPS!! My line of thinking was this... I get very nervous for these meetings. I think it is very hard to sit around a table with a bunch of people you barely know talking about your own child. My husband and I agree that I come off as a bit stand-offish because I can hardly talk. My treats are my way of saying I really do support this team and what we are trying to do. It breaks the ice. As a teacher I had parents that you don't mess with. They didn't want a "relationship" with the school staff and it was all business. I wouldn't bring in something if you want this type of "relationship" with the staff. Terry I would do what feels natural to you. You will feel strange bringing treats in if it doesn't sit right with you. Does that make sense? I want the staff to feel comfortable with me and this works for us. I agree with Mayleng about the advocate suggesting bring treats is interesting. I have never heard it suggested before. Next year we start with a new team. Back to the drawing board!!!
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Post by d on Jun 3, 2004 8:54:57 GMT -5
I would think what your advocate is suggesting is something to diffuse or prevent a possibly uncomfortable situation. Something that gives people permission to feel at ease, like smile and be themselves? If so, he's right/smart in suggesting it, but if baking cookies is NOT your thing and makes YOU feel uncomfortable, then it won't work.
(I'm NOT even "going there" on his moms who bake are "good" moms comment. Does he know that for sure based on his experience with your district or is it a generalization? What the HECK does it matter if you are a good mom or not, the fact that you have already demonstrated you are concerned about your kids' issues *should* be but is not always enough proof of that.)
TerryB, I learned a LONG time ago that being in the school's face (PTA committee chairs, constantly volunteering, first name basis with the principal, etc.) does not guarantee your kid's educational well-being. I've met too many moms who mistakenly think that. Don't get me wrong - it is important to be at the school and involved but for the purpose of seeing firsthand what is going on. I have relationships with other moms including the "insiders" b/c I also want to hear the gossip, etc. but I'm not in what some of them view as the "inside" circle, nor do I want to be (IMO some of them are just plain silly and misdirected).
When my dd was in 2nd grade, after 1st grade aka the year from hell with dx and battling the sp ed committee for help, I had struck up a friendship with a woman who had a 5th grader and a 2nd grader like me. We were on the steps of the school, me trying to keep it together but pretty much in tears after a parent/teacher conference with teacher telling me she doesn't understand why dd is not "getting" it. This mother was heading into her conferences with that same sick 'here we go again' feeling in the pit of her stomach that I had come to know. That's how we became friends, we knew the "look".
This other mother's 5th grader still could not read. She had had expensive private neuropsych's done, income not a problem for private help and was one of the inner circle highly involved moms, partly b/c she felt she had to be b/c it would benefits her son's issues. Her son was dyslexic, no ADHD. We are in one of the most highly rated sought after districts within a very close knit (IMO claustrophobic) community. She had grown up in the area and had this emphatic trust and good feeling about the school. She was constantly involved in the school - one of the "good" parents, an "insider". Net net, we started exchanging info. and comparing notes. After getting to know her my biggest fear was that the school would yes me to death b/c of my badgering and my dd would be a non-reader by 5th grade too. Eventually this mother wound up taking her son to my dd's private OG tutor and he was reading within a year. This mother was so hurt saying things like "I trusted them and they ruined my son!", "why do you think I am always here at this school!" and "expenses were never a problem, if someone had just told me what R needed, he would have gotten it - instead I BELIEVED them". So, she was one the highly involved "good" mothers who still got burned.
So, the moral of my long-winded story is frequency of contact is much less important than effective contact. Establishing an effective working relationship with the school is more important than being an "insider" mom or their perceptions that you be a "good" mom. I'm also extremely machiavellian about it - the end (good working relationship) justifies the means (even home baking if that's what it takes @@). But how you manage to do that should be in your own style otherwise you'll have difficulty doing it so it won't work well.
Dakotah had a much nicer way of saying it. You have to find a way that recognizes your own strengths/weaknesses and works *for* you.
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 3, 2004 9:16:37 GMT -5
By the way, like d said, I am not in the inner circle of the PTO etc. But I am considered by my son's teachers, RS teachers, Principal and even the school nurse as a very caring and KNOWLEDGEABLE mom who will ADVOCATE for her sons. I achieved this by being very polite and also arming myself with KNOWLEDGE of my child's rights and educating myself on remediation technics etc. My son's Sped Ed teacher and regular classroom teacher respects me, and have told me many times my son's best resource for success was ME. I don't rant and rave, I am actually very friendly but firm ie. Walk softly but carry a big stick (something like that). Never had to bring cakes or cookies. I do communicate alot with my son's teachers, especially when I am changing medication or dosages etc. So yes, I did build a relationship with the parties who can help my son. But like everyone said, you have to do what comes natural to you. Gaining their respect of your knowledge and letting them know that you will always ADVOCATE for your children will set the tone and that you will work with them to do what is best for your child.
A cake is just a cake, is just a cake. ;D
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Post by LurkNoMore on Jun 3, 2004 10:11:35 GMT -5
Wow...I never thought about bringing baked goods to the IEP meeting! I wonder if anyone else at our school does?
Anyway, I second (or is it third or 4th) the comment to do what feels natural for you.
Like Mayleng, I am as active and involved in my kids' classroom as I can be (it definitely gets harder as they get into the upper grades), but the teachers know that they can call me (or my husband) at any time for advice, venting etc (and that we will do the same). Our worst year was also 1st grade...the teacher we LOVED for our non-add daughter was so wrong for our ds! She didn't want any helpers in the classroom and was very bad at communicating...she would wait for 3 weeks to a month for everything to build to a head and then give me a venting phone call...meanwhile, I was thinking "no news is good news". From then on, every year I have gone to C's teacher at the beginning of the year to set up the communication ground rules (and even though their are times I cringe when I hear it is the school on the phone, it is so much better than being blindsided with a venting phone call)!
Good luck and do what feels right to you!
;D
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Post by TerryB on Jun 4, 2004 8:30:34 GMT -5
Wow,
Thanks for all the info.
Mayleng, my advocate is just extremely thorough to the point that I sometimes have to try to prioritize what he wants me to do. Good point that I am the only one who has my child's best interests in mind. He also does not think that baking makes a good mom but he thinks that subconsciously some of these administrators might think that.
Dakotah, I'm a lot like you. I get so nervous that I clam up. I'll probably get diarrhea on that day! I think I'm going to bring coffee just to tone it down a little bit. I like the idea of having a physical gesture to break the ice since my mouth doesn't seem to function too well at times.
d, very interesting situation you revealed. I too know an inside mom that was burned with a speech problem that was never addressed and she finally just got the speech on her own. Still volunteers like crazy but I think it may be to get the inside info. on things.
Lurknomore, I like the idea of establishing communication ground-rules. Do you send a note the first day of school or even earlier? No one has even offered for me to have direct communication with the teacher. I wonder if the school psychologist likes to be the middleman or is trying to protect the teacher from a stampede of needy parents.
Thanks everybody. A dumb question led to a wealth of information for me!
Terry
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Post by LurkNoMore on Jun 4, 2004 11:49:51 GMT -5
Lurknomore, I like the idea of establishing communication ground-rules. Do you send a note the first day of school or even earlier? No one has even offered for me to have direct communication with the teacher. I wonder if the school psychologist likes to be the middleman or is trying to protect the teacher from a stampede of needy parents. Hi Terry, I usually try to talk to the teacher before the school year starts...for 2nd grade (I was so upset at the IEP meeting when the 1st grade made a comment that Mrs. K - the 2nd grade teacher - was "concerned" about having C in her class). The day after classes ended for the kids (when I knew the teachers still had to be there), I made an appointment with her. I loved her from the start...she was the best teacher C has ever had...loving and kind to ALL the kids and really pushed all of them to do their best. That year, the kids used a marble notebook as an assignment book...we would write notes back and forth in that (or call directly). 3rd grade was a brand new teacher, so I think I wrote her a note and told her to feel free to call me with any concerns/problems etc. That year, we started a spiral notebook (that the aide kept) going back and forth. This year he has the same teacher that my daughter had in 2nd grade (so we already knew each other)...the year started out with the notebook and then moved on to a daily checklist.
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Post by TerryB on Jun 12, 2004 8:17:29 GMT -5
Our school psychologist has discussed my daughter's health and mental status with people outside the school already with a physical therapist that we use to share. She has also chatted with the school nurse about it. I sent the school psychologist a note recently hinting about medical confidentiality. I decided not to formally identify the OCD yet. I'm going to wait and see how my dd does. I think that confidentiality is tough to achieve in our school environment particularily if a top administrator (psychologist/Vice Principal) is setting a bad example.
I really think that I am dealing with an evil individual and I hope to God that my daughter does not need her for an OCD flare. We had a discussion about bullies recently on this forum and I'm going to have to apply the anti-bullying tools with this individual. There's too much to write here now but we are being bullied right now as we are trying to get the arthritis identified. There are also some politics involved and the school psychologist's need to punish our PT in favor of a rival PT. I'm reading this and thinking that it sounds totally paranoid but it isn't. I love our school and the vast majority of the teachers and administrators but this one person with a tremendous amount of power is untrustworthy. My daughter has already has a Preschool IEP for her arthritis but we are being made to go through two SUB-CSE meetings first to try to head us off. The panel did not even include our PT to represent our daughter's physical needs so we have had to invite her ourselves. The panel includes a Speech Pathologist and a Special Ed teacher and our daughter does not have problems in either of these areas. We'll have to pay our advocate for 3 meetings instead of 1 and not to mention the loss of work hours. This is all to intimidate us I am sure.
Terry
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Post by MomX2 on Jun 14, 2004 15:31:40 GMT -5
TerryB, one of my employers once suggested I bake cookies and bring them to work. She insisted that would make a good impression on the higher ups because the previous secretary working in that office had done so and they loved her (in retrospect I was frequently reminded of how the previous secretary was better than me). I was quite young at the time so ended doing what she suggested even though I hardly had time for baking with a baby at home and very long work hours. I've been irritated with myself for doing so ever since. It's so demeaning to think they would judge me on my ability to bake cookies instead of my abilities as an employee. Truthfully they didn't know me at all anyway because they never took the time to talk to me. I actually have some excellent cooking skills I learned from my mother and grandmother but I'll never be proud of taking cookies to work just to get my employers to like me.
Personally I would *not* take the cookies. For one thing it could be a problem for a person who is Diabetic or on a diet. Instead just let them find out what type of personality you have and what your strengths are. Your willingness to try cooperate and communicate effectively will mean much more than cookies.
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Post by Dakotah on Jun 16, 2004 8:34:32 GMT -5
I am so surprised at the neg. reaction bringing "treats" to a meeting has on everyone. I stated before I do this for all our IEP meetings and never thought about not doing it. I need to break the ice of the "formalness" these meetings have to them and to thank them for taking the time to meet with us. (I know, I know it's their job) I don't bake- just buy I am dumb founded at the thought of what the people at these meeting must think of me and my husband. It NEVER occurred to me that they thought I was trying to prove I am a good mother or trying to get them to like me. Honestly! We have been with this group for four years and will really miss them next year when we start with a new staff. Now here is the kicker and I don't even know why I am going to admit this when I know how most of you feel about this BUT you are all so nice, I know you won't hold it against me. I buy end of the year gifts too! This is probably just as bad Thanks for still being my friend- even if I am a brown-noser ;D PS I just thought of something- What is the purpose of tipping someone for doing their job well? I know this is TOTALLY different but it just got me thinking. It is appropriate to give a stranger five dollars for serving me lunch but giving a cookie to my son's teachers at a meeting may not be? Okay I am totally laughing right now because this is so stupid. I don't know what my point is...
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 16, 2004 9:28:21 GMT -5
Dakotah, I think your relationship with the Team maybe a little different. You get along and that is great. By the way, I get along with our IEP team too. Just had a very good annual IEP meeting yesterday and I gave alot of credit for my son's improvements to the Reg Teacher and the RS teacher and I said this to the Principal and the entire team and they in turn gave my husband and I credit for it as well. But for some, like me, bringing treats may seem unnatural to my personality.
I give end of year gifts too. Normally the room mothers collect funds from the entire class and give one gift at year end to the teacher. But some give gifts on their own. Nothing wrong with that. You actually reminded me I have to go get a gift for my son's RS teacher.
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Post by Dakotah on Jun 16, 2004 9:49:14 GMT -5
Mayleng I understand what you mean about what feels natural. That really makes sense. I wonder if because I am a teacher, the staff and I may have a different relationship. I feel better now- I forgot for a moment that they know me and wouldn't think I am trying to prove something. Mayleng- you helped me with your first sentence and probably didn't even know I needed it Thanks!
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Post by TerryB on Jun 16, 2004 12:27:08 GMT -5
Have to concur. I think it all depends on the relationship that you have with the committee. Ours is very oppositional right now and baked goods could seem like a bribe or just insincere. They might be wishing they could shove it down my throat! It's always best to do what is kind though if you are on the fence. That is one of my life's philosophies. Terry
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 16, 2004 15:42:29 GMT -5
Mayleng I understand what you mean about what feels natural. That really makes sense. I wonder if because I am a teacher, the staff and I may have a different relationship. I feel better now- I forgot for a moment that they know me and wouldn't think I am trying to prove something. Mayleng- you helped me with your first sentence and probably didn't even know I needed it Thanks! Glad I was able to help, even unknowingly
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 16, 2004 15:44:32 GMT -5
Glad I was able to help, even unknowingly Also nothing wrong with brown nosing if it gets your kid the help they need.
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Post by d on Jun 16, 2004 16:08:26 GMT -5
Also nothing wrong with brown nosing if it gets your kid the help they need. Yup.
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Post by joshiemom on Jun 16, 2004 23:46:19 GMT -5
I also got end of year gifts for my son's teacher and his aide (both part of the IEP team) thanking them for all they had done for my son this past school year. I gave them a "pamper" basket - soap, loofah, smelly lotions and bath salts with a note telling them to take the time to pamper themselves (on the aide's note I added, ...."pamper yourself now, because in three months, we'll BE BOCK". (I live near Sacramento, CA so this joke was PC.)
When we first started the IEP process, the involved parties had a looooong way to go to win me over since my last experience with SST's (student study teams my butt.... try stupid selfish troglidites!) but now they have won me over by their dedication to my son and making efforts to not pass the buck and seeing that he does have a good side. On his good days, they love spending time with him and comment how funny he is, how bright he is, etc. And on the bad days, they stick it out and don't let up on him. Getting the balance tho' - the good and the bad instead of only the bad - has really made a difference.
The only exception is the school psychologist. She is trying way too hard to be 'Super Psych Lady' that she is overstepping her boundries like calling Josh's psychiatrist directly without my consent and trying to get medication information, etc..... and taking her mandatory reporter status way too much to heart when Josh had a bruise on his cheek and I brushed it off with an offhand comment (short but true - in one of his rages, I attempted to pick him up to carry him to his room and we got tangled up and landed on a chair, with Josh hitting his cheek. Since I'm a big girl anyhoo, the weight of me on him left a deep mark (but still small) on his cheek.) So she of course was compelled to call in Child Protective Services with a complaint of suspected child abuse...... I am happy to report that it was filed as "unfounded" and phhhht to you Missy Psych Lady!
So I guess the moral of this little rambling, is even when you have a good situation going, there is always that one person (who should know better) who louses it up......
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Post by TerryB on Jun 17, 2004 6:29:00 GMT -5
Joshiemom,
I always give end of year presents to my children's teachers also.
The confidentiality issue is a big one but your situation really sticks out. The Psych. is oblivious to confidentiality! Our Psych. is not someone that I can count on either. She is more of an obstacle. I'm going to circumvent her whenever possible! We are in a huge public school and she wants to be the middle person controlling who I talk with at the school regarding my daughter. It's a free country though and I intend to establish communication with anyone that has to know something about my daughters. I think that some of these psychologists have issues of their own and that is why they got into the field. Some of them end up being fantastic at what they do because they can relate personally. Unfortunately, I think that some of them are never able to help themselves sufficiently and, as a result, can let people down or display quirky behavior.
Terry
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Post by d on Jun 17, 2004 8:29:17 GMT -5
TerryB, you know what? This may boil down to establishing good relationships in a way that you are comfortable with only the people directly involved with your kid daily. Not everyone sitting at those committee tables is a competent expert on this stuff, not sure they have to be expert either, just competent. I've been unrealistic thinking they *should* know this stuff if I do therefore what is wrong with them? It doesn't matter as long as our children get what they need from the people who see them daily.
joshiemom, I hear ya' on the school psych's. Haven't met one in my district that didn't annoy the heck out of me. Haven't seen them say/do anything that has helped my dd either. I know some great ones are out there (and know a few) they just don't work in my district. In your situation I might put my wishes in writing - that the school psych not speak directly to your private pscyh/doc without your knowledge, etc. in a simple two sentence letter, cc'ing one or two appropriate people. Said very politely and nicely of course b/c we are building working relationships, right?
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Post by LurkNoMore on Jun 17, 2004 9:48:08 GMT -5
How's this for a breech of confidentiality...my sister works in the office of a brand new elementary school (they are just finishing up their first full year). Her district doesn't give class/teacher placement with the last report card, they wait until August. In the past, they would send out a class list, so the kids would know who was in their class. Last year, the principal's new secretary somehow sent out the class list that had some kind of psych codes/diagnoses on them. If you didn't have a kid in special ed., you probably wouldn't have noticed or known what that group of numbers meant. Unfortunately, the parents of the kids in special ed WERE aware of what the codes meant and were justifiably outraged. There was a threat of a lawsuit (none was filed and my sister does not know what happened)...bottom-line...this year they can't send out classlists...just teacher's name!
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Post by joshiemom on Jun 17, 2004 11:11:48 GMT -5
What a joke! I feel sometimes like I'm being too open about Josh's dx's but then EVERYBODY knows Josh..... kinda hard to overlook when he's scaling fences to run out of the building at school..... his 1st grade teacher and aide had to take an assaultive training class and as soon as they figure out class lists, his second grade teacher will have to take it too. What a way to start off the year Cute story - about a month ago, it was Teacher Appreciation Day and one mom had sent a note out to collect $$ for a gift for the teacher to be presented on such and such day. Except.... when the day rolled around, she was out that day (and the next) along with the aide because..... yes, she was in assaultive training to learn how to physically control my kid! Ta-da!!!! One mom (who I can't stand) mentioned that she couldn't understand why the teach was out and the class had a sub on Teacher Apprec. Day and I (without thinking) mentioned that she was in a training class. She was like "oh?? what kind of training?" (translation: how do you know you cretin?) to which I replied 'I dunno..' ;D
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Post by TerryB on Jun 23, 2004 8:52:17 GMT -5
Well, we had the meeting. It was very unprofessional but also very final. We had no problem getting a 504 but Special Ed (with the PT we needed) was declined and it would take court action to get it so we're going to give up that battle. There are a number of reasons but legal fees alone could be better used for quality PT. We got everything that we could possibly get with the 504 and some people were definitely caring. The teachers that are in the trenches seem to be more than willing to help a 5 yr old child.
Our only problem was with 2 people, the Committee Chair and School Psychologist. This was expected. We're just glad that it is over. Hopefully, the "helpful" component of the team will keep our child's stress level low enough so that the OCD doesn't reveal itself in Kindergarten. Hopefully, we will not need the "chilly" school psychologist to deal with the OCD. She mentioned that she would have close communication with our dd's private psychologist but that will never happen with me still alive! I'm really starting to return to trusting my instincts and keep my child away from people that give me vibes that they might be harmful. It's not just actions but mannerisms, posture and facial expressions. I think you guys know what I'm talking about. Trust is earned with concrete evidence particularly if I'm picking up on these negative sensations that I can't quite put my finger on.
By the way, my husband took it upon himself to make muffins but of the 10 people around the table, only our advocate took one! We brought coffee also but only I had some. It was too fast-paced and business-like. For us it was a very traumatic process leading up to and including the meeting and I applaud you folks for going through the heartburn of it all over and over again. It was comforting to know that the majority of the people were not against us but the administrators are always going resist anything that could cost money, liability or aggravation for them. Our advocate was also really helpful in that he asked the tough questions and brought up education law discrepancies that ruffle feathers but need to be brought up. He also stopped us from signing agreement and informed us that we only needed to sign attendance but not agreement. Agreement with the findings is not needed to progress with the 504 and it makes it easier to mount a challenge to the decision later. It is amazing to me that they pressure for a signature after a 20 minute meeting with no time to think. The signature would mean that we agreed with he findings of the committee but the findings would not even be written up until a later date. It just reeks of abuse. I don't know how young naive parents deal with this. You feel like a chicken negotiating with a fox. I don't think that we would have even got the 504 if we didn't have the advocate and this is a child that has a medical diagnosis and a Preschool IEP.
Terry
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Post by Mayleng on Jun 23, 2004 9:18:57 GMT -5
Terry, glad to hear you suvived the meeting. Your advocate is right, never sign any agreements right after the meeting. Always say you want to digest the discussion and you want to see the actual agreed upon document before signing.
Make sure your Psych knows he does not have your permission to discuss your child's problems with the school psych. If you have gut instinct that the school psych does not have the best interest of your child, you are probably right. They try to look for excuses to label kids with emotional disabilities (ED), and that is a very very strong label, so they can keep them in self contained classes or in other schools.
You have the people who matter to your child on your side and that is a BIG PLUS - the teachers. My son either succeeds or fail because of his teachers not the schoo psych. He has no contact with the school psych except for the initial evaluation.
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