Enlightened parents

[teacherabc]

I wish every parent was as enlightened as the ones on this board. I am sorry--just need to vent a little. We had parent-teacher conferences and two parents had me boiling over with rage. The first was the parent of a gen ed student for whom we were suggesting a 504. He takes a long time in tests in order for him to do well and has anxiety about the timing, and he also takes a long time writing essays (not good news when it comes to the History Regents with two essays). She said under no circumstances would she consider it; her kid is brilliant and was an honors student in middle school and is not "special ed." She refused to listen to anything and yelled at me. She said her son was "just lazy." It's a wonder this poor kid is as nice and sweet as he is. The second parent...well, he berated his child for grades that he considered not to be acceptable and told him that he should be aiming for 85s on the Regents exams. This lovely young man is autistic and learning disabled and has double time for a reason. He works incredibly hard--comes into school at 8 a.m. and works at lunch and after school and then goes home and works. Then his father berates him because he hasn't made enough friends--but he has joined a club (a major step for him). The poor child was fighting back tears. Then the father says this isn't the right setting for him because he can't possibly get enough attention, which isn't true....grrrrr.

[healthy11]

Teacherabc, is the first child the same one who you referenced in your thread titled "Organization" earlier this year, whose mother felt he was also lazy? If so, I understand your frustration. As a "last ditch effort," I wonder if you could give her and/or her son the following link to resources about "2e" students: millermom.proboards.com/thread/9972/twice-exceptional-gifted-adhd-resources ; while you can't force them to look at the resources, at least you'll know you've tried.

At the very least, tell them about www.uniquelygifted.org/ where the first paragraph specifically mentions "because their giftedness can mask their special needs and their special needs hide their giftedness, they are often labeled as "lazy", "unmotivated", "not trying". Maybe the mother will recognize the same words, and eventually realize that's her son's situation, too.

As far as the second child, given that he already has an autistic diagnosis, I wonder if the father knows about resources like www.autismspeaks.org/resource-guide/state/NY or nyfac.org/resources/useful-websites/ or www.autismparentingsolutions.com/ It sounds like the father could benefit from talking to other parents of kids on the spectrum, to better understand the effects his parenting style can have.

Hang in there, and thank you for all you're continuing to do to help these special students!

[teacherabc]

Yes, I think it was. And I doubt that she will listen to anything I have to say. She was offended that I would even suggest that he might benefit from a 504. Frankly, I am surprised and still wouldn't put it past her to complain to my supervisor about me and what I had to say, even though a couple of the gen ed teachers told her that he benefits from having more time to complete work. It is not that I am worried about that...everyone has been wondering the same thing which is why he will be one of the subjects of our grade level meetings on Tuesday morning. It is just so frustrating, although I will continue to do what I can to help him only I will have to also help him to try and overcome the time issue--if I can.

As for the other child, I will see if dad knows about those resources; however, he has his own learning issues.

[healthy11]

For what it's worth, maybe you can "beat the mother to the punch" by giving your supervisor the links to the resources I mentioned above, and suggest that maybe the supervisor can pass them on to the mom, since the mom doesn't believe bright kids can also have special needs. (And once your supervisor has the links, maybe he/she can share the resources with other teachers and parents in the future.)

With regards to the second student, if the father also has learning issues, then I can understand why it may be even more difficult for him to deal with his son's challenges. On the bright side, some of the autism links I gave you do list resources for adults, so maybe he can find information to help himself, not just his son.

[melvinhoward]

If the child is working so hard, parents should notice his efforts and encourage him.