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Post by bros on Feb 24, 2015 23:35:30 GMT -5
What did your sister get sole decision making regarding? Was it educational matters? If so, then you may not have educational rights.
She reached age of majority already, so she is in charge of her education, unless you could prove in a court of law that she is incompetent to manage her affairs.
You might just need to let her hit rock bottom and try to help her recover from there. It might take until she fails HS and doesn't graduate, or she might drop out and flounder for a while. But it sounds like she needs to hit rock bottom, but hasn't yet.
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Post by dw on Feb 24, 2015 23:40:27 GMT -5
I am not sure, but if you have a negative relationship with your dd,not due to your actions or inspite of your deep love for your dd, of course, it seems like trying to influence her educational course by getting back involved in her IEP/school things may not be fruitful. Your desire to get involved with the IEP process may be due to your hopes to influence your dd's life in a positive direction. I think you may need to take a back door approach toward and work steadily, and slowly, toward rebuilding your relationship. I suggest the book, The Secret Language of Love for Teenagers. Maybe you could send her friendly texts, some candy or flowers from time to time. Little gifts. Invite her to lunch. You would have to leave all of your emotions out of any interactions if you want to rebuild your relationship, and focus on gentle friendliness. She may reject your overtures at first. A friend of mine was warned not to show up at her dd's graduation from nursing school, and the dd tore up the check for $3K my friend sent to pay for the nursing school books, which she had promised a few years ago. My friend has no idea why her dd hates her so. The dd is full of fury. It may take another 1-10 years, or my friend's efforts may never bare fruit. It is very painful. (My friend is an exceptionally kind person, a nurse, too, and there was nothing wrong with her parenting at least nothing more wrong than what we all do that is "wrong" as we attempt to guide these young folks.)
Another good book is: When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along, by Joshua Coleman this helped me quite a bit and it helped my friend, she found it comforting. JCTwins, my heart goes out to you.
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Post by michellea on Feb 25, 2015 10:03:12 GMT -5
Hi JCTwins.
I am so sorry about how things ended up with your dd and understand your desire to understand what is going on and to help if you can.
I disagree with the special ed attorney - but of course I am not a legal expert. I would urge you to get a second opinion.
This is how I see it. Once a person turns 18, they are legally an adult. Within the special ed process, they should be advised of this in anticipation of their 18th birthday. The TEAM should tell them that they have the right to sign over decision making to a parent (or one acting as the parent), maintain full decision making themselves, or agree to joint decision making with their parent. Without your dd expressly giving you rights to be involved, you do not have any. Furthermore, because she is an adult, her records are hers. You can have access only if she signs a release or if you have been awarded power of attorney. This is what would happen with any student - it has nothing to do with your custody situation. In fact, this scenario would apply to your sister, now the legal guardian.
DW makes a good suggestion about trying to take a back door approach. I would add, that perhaps a counselor could help to coach you on this approach and help you understand your daughter's point of view and the steps you could take to potentially become part of her life again. They could also help you to let go of some of the negative emotions you may be feeling about yourself and the situation overall. I hope that in time your relationship will heal and you will be able to be part of each other's lives. Take care.
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Post by healthy11 on Feb 25, 2015 10:45:22 GMT -5
jctiwns, I can't provide much legal advice, but I did want to offer ((hugs)). I understand the conflicts, as I am struggling with my sister, as well, regarding care issues for our elderly aunt, who is our only remaining blood relative. From my experience, even having power of attorney paperwork signed by the person in question does not always mean your wishes will be followed, even if they are intended to be in the person's best interest. Some places refuse to honor the POA without first speaking to my aunt, who is currently hospitalized. She is still cognizant at the moment, but the point of the legal paperwork was to allow someone else to make decisions on her behalf even if she wasn't able to think clearly. I feel like I'm "running in circles." I'm not sure if this will tell you anything new, but it's a short article about how age of majority affects an IEP: www.specialeducationadvisor.com/how-the-age-of-majority-affects-an-iep/
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Post by kewpie on Mar 3, 2015 11:22:14 GMT -5
Jctwins,
I am sorry you are going thru this. Sometimes young adults get angry and resentful over things that the parent has no control over and uses the parents as the mental punching bag. It is utterly immature and heartbreaking. But is is easier than admitting to ones own shortcomings. One of my sibs was angry at my parents (and sometimes sibs) over imagined slights and behaviors due to her constant ruminating and assumptions. She was angry they had too many kids so she could not go to an ivy league school. She was angry at her younger sibs for being born, etc.
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