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Post by mamak on May 6, 2014 17:28:15 GMT -5
So Brian's RSP teacher called today and said he was being nominated for a scholarship from the high school. If selected it would be awarded to him at the Senor Awards Dinner sometime in the next few weeks. B asked what they call it. Apparently before our RSP arrived to the school they called it the RSP Award or special ed award and he put a stop to that and made them change it to Program Support Award. My son is not willing to accept the award and be identified as a person receiving special education at an awards dinner with what I expect would be mostly high achievers & honors kids. My son IS one of those kids in their eyes so it would be a great suprise to his peers that he would be receiving an award that would identify him as something else. So he's kissing $500.00 goodbye. Wouldn't it be nice if they called it something else that would not identify him as disabled. It's just too personal to him. Sigh. We spent his college fund on his early education to assure he could get into college. He was accepted at all three schools he applied to and selected the one closest to home to save on costs. RSP teacher told me he is the best success story he has seen at this school.
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Post by healthy11 on May 7, 2014 0:00:35 GMT -5
Mamak, I feel for your situation. Teens are unfortunately not adults. They tend to be short-sighted, and driven by peer pressure more than logic. Clearly, the money would be helpful in the future, and your son probably won't even see many of his classmates once graduation is over, but he's thinking of the "here and now," and he feels like it would be an embarrassment to accept the award.
It probably won't make a difference, but what if you were to try to frame it in a way that he could be a "mentor and motivator" to some younger students, who may also be bright, but not reaching their potential because they are afraid to get services? His accepting it could also be a positive learning experience for the other honors students, to help them realize bright students can come in "many different packages" and just because you have a learning difference doesn't mean you aren't smart.
If he still won't agree to accept the award in person at the Seniors Dinner, is there a chance they'd still give him the money, even if he didn't show up? I realize his name might still get printed in a booklet or something, so other kids might still find out about it, but he wouldn't have to see their surprise reactions.
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Post by eoffg on May 7, 2014 4:38:27 GMT -5
It would be a shame if he happened to be sick on the awards night, and you rang them and gave his apologies?
It could be a $500 phone call?
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Post by jisp on May 7, 2014 5:31:14 GMT -5
Mamak,
Your son is not at all unusual. My son (who will be graduating from college this month) would have done the exact same thing. He hated the fact that he had learning disabilities and was embarrassed by them and the help he received along the way. As Healthy said teens are not adults. What is interesting is as our son has matured he has come to appreciate the help he got as he has met other students who might have benefitted from similar help and did not get it. I am going to be curious to see what sort of teacher he becomes. He is headed off to graduate school and although he will not have to teach his first year he will have to eventually teach because all graduate students in our son's major need to have teaching experience in order to land a job in academia. And although the graduate group he is joining is one of the top groups in the world in the specific field our son is studying, the undergraduates at this school are not top students so there are jokes about what sort of class a graduate student might be asked to teach. I suspect he will encounter students with undx learning disabilities and I will be curious to see how he handles it. I know that our son tutored a HS student for money as a undergraduate and was disappointed that the student was just another high achieving kid from a wealthy suburb whose parents wanted him to have a leg up and pushed to do more advanced work than the work he was interested in. Our son expressed disappointment that he was not a student who really needed tutoring and help…….so there is an appreciation now, I just don't know how it will translate.
BTW, our son still struggles with bringing up the challenges he has. He did mention it on one or two graduate school applications as he had to explain his AWFUL GRE scores. But it never is easy when he does.
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Post by mamak on May 7, 2014 15:50:39 GMT -5
I sent the teacher an email asking that he speak to him but I doubt there will be any change to his decision. There is no opting out of accepting in person and was the reason he called. It's to bad they cant just call it something that doesn't put him in that spot. Other awards being given are math, English, science etc. so this would probably stand out and people would wonder or fully realize by who give out the award.
His teacher did mention what a fantastic help it would be if he would come back and talk to his incoming freshmen next year. That's something I don't see him doing....since he is not special ed in his mind. He did however apply for and get time and a half on his English placement test at the university so he does silently see the benefits now. I hope he follows through and gets fully registered once he starts.
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Post by mykids on May 8, 2014 10:32:17 GMT -5
My son would probably do the same thing. He too is embarrassed of RSP. In my opinion your son is in the high achiever category more so than the others. I am sure he has worked harder, and possibly overcame more obstacles than any other kid there. Let's hope that his unwillingness to accept an award with such a label will plant a seed to get those presenting and giving the award to have this changed. Even if it does not happen for him but for future students receiving the award, it will be a well spent $500.00.
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Post by michellea on May 8, 2014 16:50:36 GMT -5
My son is very comfortable in his skin and is ok talking about his disabilities. That said, I think that he would be uncomfortable with the name of the scholarship too. I'm not sure why they need to label it in such a way. - it would be far more accurate to talk about the hard work, self advocAcy and resiliency that he displayed, rather than the "extra support" that the school gave.
Congratulations to DS - what ever he decides about the award. $500 is a nice chunk of change - I hope that the matter can be handled in a fashion that recognizes his hard work and diligence without embarrassing him so that he can accept the $$.
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Post by eoffg on May 9, 2014 7:49:23 GMT -5
I read a comic today, where one frame had the statement:
"and your very special for trying your best."
Maybe the award will include a 'pat on the head'?
'Our next award, is for a failure, who at least tried hard'.
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Post by mamak on May 13, 2014 23:15:15 GMT -5
So I never heard back from his RSP teacher. Perhaps we offended him. The polling I did was pretty much the same that it would be too embarrasing for him and they don't blame him. I don't think parading the token special ed kid in front of his peers would be cool. I'm sure the award would be better given to someone who would be proud to accept it. His coach agreed as well and though they should not do that. He said that the VP told him that most of the disabled kids are very embarrased and that some of the deaf kids wont even wear their hearing aides to school.
B took a big risk stepped out of his comfort zone and went to prom last weekend. He was so cute in his tux. He seems ready for college. He is annoyed by the year end chatter and the wasted time in the classroom. I recall dd being the same way.
My dd graduates with honors on the 23rd. They grow up so fast don't they.
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Post by healthy11 on May 14, 2014 14:10:05 GMT -5
Congrats to both of your kids, mamak! I'm forgetting...what are your daughter's plans after graduation?
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Post by kewpie on May 15, 2014 15:23:40 GMT -5
Congratulations to you and your children MamaK! Wow! Two graduations at the same time!
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Post by mamak on May 16, 2014 10:34:51 GMT -5
Thanks.
healthy - dd had an internship at a talk radio station last summer and was hired pt through her last semester which ended in Dec. They then hired her as a producer for the business hour 30 hours a week. She was also working for a professor as a GA this semester.
Sad thing is with Obamacare they wont take her on full time and she actually was repremanded yesterday by HR for working over 29.5 hours last week, which made her feel very insecure about her job. She does a lot of research prep on her own time because she wants the show to get good ratings then gets treated like that. Very sad. She has interest in marketing and is looking in the LA area for work.
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Post by healthy11 on May 16, 2014 12:33:19 GMT -5
Mamak, I'm sorry to hear about their reluctance to hire your daughter full-time. Our neighbor works in marketing for ABC television in Chicago and has been doing a "job share" arrangement for the past decade, since she had her kids. She mentioned how they actually want her to return to full-time status, and she said she would do it if they'll also consider moving her to their Los Angeles office, because her elderly dad lives in that area. I wonder if your daughter might have better luck in the TV realm, versus radio?
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Post by mamak on May 17, 2014 12:06:49 GMT -5
I think the new full time IS 30 hours and they are just reluctant to take on a full time employee and pay her benefits. Funny thing is she is always requested by the other shows on the station when they need a fill in producer but up till this recent HR situation she was allowed to work 35 hours a week every other week. It's all about the benefits which isn't too bad as we provide her medical through my hubby's plan. She wants to get her MBA with a focus on entrepreneur and is looking into ways to fund it. I believe she will start a business rather than be a slave to others. She is hanging around a bunch of kids with lots of ambition so I'm sure she will find her way.
As for television... you never know where she will end up.
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